Radio Ga Ga

Any Kettering fan who has ever had to rely on BBC Radio Northampton for news or coverage of the Poppies, knows what it is like to be unloved. We constantly put up with the pain of being passed over or ignored in favour of other, flashier members of the Northamptonshire sporting family.

We've no problem with being overlooked in favour of the Cobblers. That's fair enough. The station is called Radio Northampton, and the Cobblers are top of the footballing tree in the County. The Saints get big coverage also, which is more of an issue. It seemed that BBCRN only really discovered the Saints when the were winning every week once they'd been relegated a couple of years back. They certainly weren't getting the wall-to-wall coverage they enjoy now when they were getting turned over every week the season before and suffered relegation. Not that promotion or relegation particularly meant anything to the emotionally dead, sickeningly sporting anoraks who watch rugby. Placid bunch of even handed drunkards that they are.

Our problem with BBCRN stems from how they sort their coverage out once they have finished suckling at the teats of Northampton's sporting giants.

Once upon a time, long before online coverage BBCRN could cover one game on a Saturday. And that was invariably the Cobblers. Occasionally us or the Direones got a look in if the Cobblers weren't playing. Then Uncle Max's Midnight Carnival of Freaks-that-defy-the-will-of-God managed to buy their way into the Football League and the broadcasting goalposts were subtly shifted.

Suddenly, BBCRN covered whichever of the County's two footballing giants was away from home on the Saturday. Even though it left the Poppies even further down the list of teams getting local radio coverage (alongside Braybrooke Old Gentlemen XI, and the Aldwinckle Tossing Society), we could see the point to this. The supporters who's team was at home would presumably be at the home game, whereas covering the away game would bring in the vast majority of fans who didn't fancy Carlisle away on a Tuesday night.

This system worked well enough when there was 2 equally placed teams in the County. This all changed, however, when both we and the Scum found ourselves back in the Conference. The Poppies because we thrashed everyone in Conference North. The Scum because they were too sh*t for the Football League.

Now, alongside radio coverage, there is also BBC online coverage. One would be forgiven for thinking that the situation might now be - cover the Cobblers home and away on the radio, and alternate between us and the Scum depending on who was away from home. What could be simpler?

Very soon it became apparent this wasn't going to happen. Oh, sure, when we had big FA Cup games the BBCRN outside broadcast car was present and correct, once they'd successfully asked for directions to Rockingham Road. But when we were away from home suddenly the online coverage was coming from Non Park. And then, when the Scum went to the very grounds where we had visited, and there couldn't be any coverage of the Poppies due to "technical reasons" these problems were suddenly resolved and the good folk of Irthlingborough could rest up in between bouts of bestiality and incest to listen to coverage of their sporting heroes.

This season it has been quite galling to see just how often BBCRN have been covering the Inbreds. So much so that when we finally got on their bloody station (obviously when we played at Nonce Park) the commentators, by all accounts, were myopically pro-Scum. Of course they were - this was the team they'd watched all season!

It was all summed up best one Monday morning when during a BBCRN broadcast the previous weekend's scores were being discussed.

First of all the pundits paid homage to their wondrous Saints Overlords with a mixture of fawning and mutual masturbation.

Then they praised the efforts of "Sammo" and the Boys.

The Scum were next up for glowing flattery.

One of the presenters then said, and I kid you not, "Meanwhile, in the Blue Square Conference, Kettering Town....." Whoa! Back up there buddy! I think you'll find that the Poppies and the Scum are in the same division (please God this is still true in a month's time!)

Is it any wonder we are so far down the pecking order? BBCRN don't even know what divisions their teams play in. Are we being sidelined because we are seen as a Club with no future? Has Imraan pissed them off once too often? Is Irthlingborough closer to Northampton?

Or are they doing this to get an online fanzine to bite? If the latter - then, bravo.