Kettering man doesn't blow it shock!

 

Brackley to make approach 
to see if he can show them
how to get over the line.

2023-24 Season - Goodbye and Good Riddance

Usually at this time of year we messily ladle-out multiple articles summing up the season just gone.  Invariably there is so much to cover that it takes several days and several sections to cover it all.

Thankfully, the 2023/4 season makes no such demands on us.  Or you.

In a nutshell, a Manager who wasn't quite good enough assembled a squad that wasn't quite good enough.  Players and managers came and went until we were finally competitive enough to avoid another relegation.

Wow.  The season before took three lengthy articles to even come close to covering all that had happened.  Page after page of shirt-rending, finger-pointing and World class sarcasm.  This season it took two sentences.  With the creative use of a comma it would have been a single sentence.  But, in an attempt to reward you for clicking on here in the first place we'll at least take a stab at offering up our Top 5, and Bottom 5 moments of the 2023-24 season.

Top Five Moments - tough one this.....

The month of March.  Without which we would be heading off to Kings Langley and Barton Rovers again next season.

The win at home to Mickleover.  It seemed we'd turned a corner.  We hadn't.

Seeing our turn-out at Chesterfield.  It felt briefly like the old days.  And, I suppose, the first 25 minutes of the game.

The spicy bean nachos served at Sudbury.

The Missus scooping a couple of big Bingo prizes in the Poppies lounge and me laying my Klondike hoodoo.

Bottom Five Moments

I maintain that the defeat away to St Ives this season was pound-for-pound the most wretched performance I've ever seen a Poppies team give.  No-one who wasn't there will truly be able to grasp the utter awfulness of the afternoon.  The shipping of 6 goals was the absolute tip of the mountainous mountain of shite that was that game.  Had St Ives run in another 6 goals we genuinely wouldn't have had any complaints.

The last 65 minutes at Chesterfield, when it seemed that we had agreed with the home team before the match that we wouldn't compete and definitely not get close, tackle, or God forbid, injure one of their precious players.  Just embarrassingly meek.

The "game" at Sixfields against Scum-lite.  Why did we bother?

The "Singh-gate debacle.  What the f*ck was the Stratford No.18 on?  And was the dosage correct?

Dropping off the BBC sports webpage.  Thank God you can still get all the important information on there from the Saudi Pro League and the Russian Premier League - Sochi are having a season to forget.

"Player of the Season"

No player or one individual.  Instead, the fabulous efforts off all the off-field guys and girls.  A big shout-out to the people who keep the heartbeat of the club going with little thanks or acknowledgment.  Well, Patgod thanks and acknowledges you.  For what it's worth.  The fact that the club generates more income from what goes on around the football than the actual football tells you all you need to know.

Honourable Mention - the supporters.  We averaged barely less than we did last season.  Which is pretty incredible given the lack of large away followings at this level and some of the truly awful guff we were forced to endure.  Give yourselves a pat(god) on the back.  

The sunset at Halesowen still remains the 
high watermark of season 2023-24.

Copy and paste, lads

Presumably we can expect a number of tweets, Facebook messages and or Instagrams over the next few weeks from the bulk of our current squad, announcing their departure from Latimer Park.  To save them from putting too much effort in (did someone mention Sixfields....?) we've produced the following template for them to use.  If they want, they can omit the sections in capital letters....

"My time at Kettering Town has come to an end.  AND NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.

It's time for the next chapter in my career to begin.  PROBABLY AT A TEAM IN A LOWER DIVISION BECUASE IF 2023/24 HAS TAUGHT ME NOTHING ELSE, IT'S TAUGHT ME THAT I'M NOT UP TO PLAYING AT THIS LEVEL.

I'd like to place on record my thanks to the management, staff, volunteers and the supporters for backing me and the lads 100% this season.  THANKS A BUNDLE TO THE STACK OF MANAGERS WHO PROMISED ME STARTS AND THEN SHOWED ME THE BENCH IF I WAS LUCKY.  AND THANKS TO THE FANS WHO JEERED ME AT EVERY TURN EVEN WHEN I WAS GIVING AS MUCH AS 70% EFFORT.

I hope the club continues to build and I will look out for your results.  FRANKLY I'LL HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BOBBLY PITCH 5 MINUTES AFTER THE DOOR HITS ME IN THE ARSE.

Up the Poppies!  F**K THE POPPIES!

Thankfully, a last day relegation dust-up we're not involved in!

The last weekend of the season is upon us.  Rushing up as if out of nowhere.  Just like an unwelcome, angry, yet confused rabid-bison.  Well, not "us" obviously as we're done and dusted due to Nuneaton's demise.  Thanks mostly to Lavery's end of term efforts we're well clear of the relegation shoot-out.  Probably just as well as a trip to Nuneaton needing something was no-one's idea of a clean underpants day-out.

Now we are well clear of such undignified shenanigans we'll take a comfortable look at today's relegation decider.  As the table stands this morning long-time Poppies relegation dance partners AFC Sudbury have heroically hauled themselves out of the drop zone in favour of the monstrously free-falling Hitchin.  Two points separate the combatants on this last Saturday.  Sudbury have a stern test away to Leamington who need a win to completely guarantee their play-off spot and secure a home draw.  Hitchin have a home game with comfortably mid-table Stourbridge.

On paper you can make a case for razor-sharp Leamington turning Sudbury over and beach-headed Stourbridge succumbing meekly at Hitchin allowing them to leap-frog Sudbury to safety.  But as we know, games aren't played on paper.  They're played on a mixture of grass, mud, clay and various synthetic materials that make up artificial pitches.  Plus millions and millions of horrible tiny black rubber bits, which anyone who has played on a 3G pitch know, get EVERYWHERE.

Sudbury have fought back after losing a whopping 6-points after Nuneaton's results were expunged dropping them into the relegation zone.  Hitchin lost 4-points but didn't feel the pain as much as they were looking more at the play-offs than relegation.  At least then.

As we all know, Hitchin have embarked on a heroic effort to achieve relegation after a far too successful first half of the season.  Since the start of December Hitchin have suffered a dizzying 21 defeats.  And of the 3 wins registered during the same period one was against already relegated Berkhamsted and another in the crunch Roy Izzard Testimonial match with a Luton Town XI.  Even Leese-run Poppies have come away from Top Field with a couple of wins.

So, who's for the drop today?  Despite Hitchin's truly appalling record they perhaps start as very slight favourites.  But then again, they've got into a losing mentality and Sudbury are proving to be decent fighters.  

Patgod Predicts - Hitchin draw and Sudbury lose but stay up*

*subject to alteration without prior notice

Patgod on the beach. 
Just like the 20-odd Poppies players that
Lavery will soon whittle down to 2 or 3....

You never know.....

Who says lightening can't strike twice?

 

"A" for Effort

The "Lavery-Revolution" of the past month has pushed us up the table possibly further than we dared to imagine just a few short weeks ago when relegation loomed awfully large.  It seems just five minutes ago we were looking at the two games against Subury as making or breaking our season. And probably our Club.  Now, we sit safely in lower mid-table.  Had we been offered this at the start of the season we would have rioted in the streets.  Now, we'll happily take it and look forward to better next season.

The five straight league wins are obviously what has put a far better complexion on 2023/24 than was looking likely, but I think Lavery has given us something else, which is probably just as important.  Self respect.

Although it was pretty clear we were never going to pull back the 2-0 halftime deficit at Stratford last weekend Lavery continued to cajole, abuse and encourage the players to fight.  And they did.  We created a few half-chances and ran our balls off until the final whistle.  Six months ago, hell, even six weeks ago we would likely have shipped two or three more goals in the second half as we went through the motions.

Earlier this season the players would have more than likely ignored "grumpy-gramps" Leese and "earnest bestie" Le Masurier.  They'd have jogged around the pitch, trailing in the wake of the opposition players fully expecting to shrug their way through a post-match bollocking and pick up their wages.  Not now.

I find it curiously heartening watching our tiring players put in yet another lung-bursting chase or charge-down under the scowling, withering ranting of the Manager.  No more sitting back.  No more just rolling over and taking it.  

Sounds mad to say it, but if nothing else this season Lavery has given us back the ability to "lose properly".  There are always games where, on the day, the opposition are better than us.  They use the ball better.  They get the rub of the green.  Earlier this season that would have meant clean kit at 90 minutes and a sack of goals in the "Against" column.  At Stratford we got in faces, fought hard, saw players carried off and had a final whistle dust-up.  And we got the bonus of seeing the oft-booed cry-baby Hussey whine for 90 minutes to the officials.  I'll take that.

I don't know how it works
and I don't much care!

When is an April Fool NOT an April Fool?

Eagle-eyed regular readers might just have picked up on my ever-so slight issue with the club's perennial fund raising raffle - the Krooked Klondike.  Every so often I might have alluded to the fact that not only did I never win the damn thing, but that certain unnamed club worthies, who may or may not also be the Club President, seemed to find my continued lack of success most amusing.  To such a degree I was never entirely certain my tickets were always making it into the tombola ahead of the half-time draw....

I may have mentioned something of this in the odd article on Patgod, but even I was surprised that typing "Klondike" in the Blog's search engine yielded at least three dozen articles about how badly the club had treated my loyalty over the years.

Well, despite the efforts of that unnamed club official, who's initials may or may not be KS, on Saturday, at home to Barwell IT FINALLY HAPPENED.  

That's right, KS (if those are his initials and he may or may not be the Club President) wasn't on the Klondike selling table when I entered the ground and made my purchase.  45 minutes later, despite being stationed next to the duffest tannoy speaker in the ground, I was pretty certain the number called out matched one of the tickets in my clammy fist.  A few minutes into the second half I bumped into my nemesis, who upon hearing of my good fortune pretty much confirmed my long-held suspicion by congratulating me whilst also letting me know in no uncertain terms that had he been selling the tickets this wouldn't have happened.

I

KNEW

IT.

However, never let it be said that I'm the one to let this rivalry continue to fester.  I'm happy to be the bigger man and declare a truce.  I'm going to let bygones be just that.  When I enter the ground next Saturday it will be with a clean slate.  All previously animosities forgotten.  I'll just make sure I only purchase my Klondikes from Gary Foreman from now on and everyone will be happy.

Happy Days.
As long as I don't stop to think of how much I've spent
over the years for this one moment in the sun.....