Power to the People!

It may not be known – yet – as the Poppy Spring, but there has been a definite whiff of revolution in the air at Nene Park these past few days.

It began last Tuesday with anti Ladak insurgents rising up and seizing the official state broadcasting machinery, resulting in inflammatory messages replacing half time scores and a man with a microphone stirring up the crowd.

Yesterday, despite a heavy police presence, the insurrectionists were at it again. Deep underground in his bunker, President Ladak must have felt a shudder as a red card protest lit up proceedings.

Again the loudspeakers were playing revolutionary music designed to whip up the masses – “Money’s Too Tight To Mention”, “The Final Countdown”, and of course, “Do The Hustle”.

As the police net tightened, literally tens of black balloons were released, of which at least three drifted on to the pitch – where one was stamped on later by Danny Mills in what was widely seen as a symbolic gesture of support for the cause. Either that or he was fuming at not being awarded a free kick for a shove in the back.

There were fears that the protest might be quelled by force, but the police were too busy chatting amongst themselves about how they would spend their unexpected overtime windfall.

Meanwhile no tanks clattered across the A6 bridge (President Ladak says his army is still owed outstanding sponsorship money, and should have thought of that before they were conscripted).

However, given his past support for the Palestinian cause, a small part of the President must surely have approved of these protests by another dispossessed group, unfairly deprived of their historic homeland.

For the sake of a peaceful and swift resolution to this crisis, let’s hope so. Because even the Palestinians have had enough of him.

"In the name of Patgod, go!"

Another Friday night - another Poppies meeting

I didn't believe that anything could be quite as surreal as Kettering Town playing their "home" games at Non Park.  But this is the Poppies, and we learn from an early age to expect the unexpected.  We now have the curious sight of club volunteers on tannoy and scoreboard in open defiance of the Club Chairman and players applauding anti-Chairman sentiment from the terraces.  Could you imagine Pete Simcoe grabbing the microphone during Gyngell's reign and shouting out, "That's all well and good Cyril, BUT WHERE'S THE F*CKING MONEY GONE?!"

Yesterday the tannoy announcer brightly announced a meeting of supporters the following Friday, again seemingly in open defiance of Imraan.  "Don't worry, it's nothing to do with Ladak!" He promised.  Kind of makes you wonder the point of a meeting without the main player.  He also, helpfully told us the meeting was to be in the Kimberley Suite.  Great,  Except that means nothing to me!  I'm a Kettering fan.  I have no idea where rooms are at  Non Park.  I don't care.  It's just a pitch where we play our football at the moment. Nothing more.  I'm sure it's in the main part of the big building usually restricted to we mere supporters, and I'm sure I'll be able to find it.

I'm just not sure I want to.

Do I really want to hear another group of smarmy businessmen tell me how they are going to do things differently?  Another shifty bunch promising me the earth, or at very least, League football?  More suits telling us that we're the best fans ever and they would give us the success we deserve?

It saddens me more than I can express that it seems to be the case that to sustain football at this level we need to give shady characters the time of day just because they have a few bob.  "Investors" be buggered! 

I surely can't be alone in hankering for a self-sufficient football club, free of self-important, untrustworthy blazer-wearers?  Why can't a team which averages gates of 1400 - 1500 sustain itself?  Why can't local business sponsorship from a borough of well over 100,000  people generate enough additional funding to allow us to kick out the shysters? 

Couldn't a club with this backing, run by a handful of full or even part-time administrators and coaches, helped out by a small army of willing volunteers and 18 good, semi-professional footballers, survive by their own efforts?  And if so, why can't that club be Kettering Town?

Or is better to always be in hock to any puffed-up suit with a smug expression and illusion of wealth, who is willing to temporarily push us up the table by paying players over the odds? (on the proviso that any money they spend is actually only a "loan" when they leave of course!)

Imraan releases JP from lifetime contract shock!

Imraan's lack of interest in our survival has been proved this week by a couple of things.  Firstly there is his ongoing refusal to actually leave the club.  Every day he remains here the less like a football club we become.

Has he been negotiating with people prepared to take on the Poppies, and pay off the unknown number of debts that HE has run up?  No.  Has he been dealing with HMRC to prevent them winding the club up?  No.  Has he even been helping to organise transport for his players to get to away games?  Of course not - such acts are far beneath a man as important as Imraan.  Again, much better to let others do the job that he should be doing. 

Other than bizarre all-night Poppynet Q&A sessions and launching pathetic online petitions against James Cann and DRC, it would seem that all Imraan is doing is treading water.  He is allowing us to remain in limbo, presumably hanging around for the cheques from Luton Town FC and DRC to hit the "Welcome" mat before considering our survival.

"Ta la me de canard"

The second sign that Imraan doesn't really give a flying f*ck for our future is the fact that he has allowed JP to leave us.  Regardless of whether or not you are a JP fan, or believe his best days are behind him (or indeed both!) his permanent departure is significant.  Imraan is by far JP's biggest fan.  Allowing him to leave is the best indicator yet that Imraan has lost all interest in us.  He can barely be bothered to attend our games as it is.  Without the enticement of seeing his beloved French ball-juggler, it is difficult to imagine Imraan ever making it back to the ground that he has saddled us with.

As for JP, you'll have to look elsewhere for his stats, as I don't have a clue.  He has been exciting, dazzling, annoying and, recently, angry in a Poppies shirt.  Often over the course of a single game!  He has silky skills in his feet, and a stinger of a right hook, as "Glass-jaw" Ashikodi will testify.  Hopefully JP will enjoy a few more good days at Tamworth, but he may not have the time to win their fans over.  We all loved JP because we have seen so much of the best of him that we are prepared to overlook the rubbishy bits.  He will have to hit the ground running in order to give the Tamworth fans enough good times to carry him over the tedious passages.  Does he have the hunger and fight to do this?  Don't know.  We'll see.

JP's departure has freed up the post of "Mr Kettering" for Patrick Noubissie to take on full time after having a trial run whilst JP went on sabbatical to bugger up Corby's promotion charge.  It's a big step up for Pat who has gone from midfield square-ball passenger to thrusting, overlapping full back in recent seasons.  And who knows, if he continues to perform manfully for us, one day I may even be able to type his surname without looking up the spelling!

That's why we do it

The match statistics may read Kettering Town 2, Gateshead 1, in front of barely 800 souls on a mucky January night.  And yet, any Poppies fan in attendance will tell you, this is the sort of game that we wade through all the dross to experience.

There was the moving tribute to young Ryan Kirk before kick-off and by the players after Mills's opener. There was the amusing efforts of the soon to be ex-scoreboard operator having some fun with our, hopefully soon to be ex, non-bill paying Chairman.  There was the real sense that team and supporters were united in intent and endeavour.  We've all been hoodwinked by Imraan, but f*ck him, let's go for it!

We all roared and stomped at our goals.  We all gnawed our nails when Gateshead pulled one back.  We all wanted to roger the ref with ripe radish when he missed an obvious corner we'd won deep into injury time.  We all bellowed with relief and joy at the final whistle.

It was a real night of the kind of rollercoaster emotions that only comes through being in close proximity to YOUR team, playing for YOU, and feeling it as much as you.  Something you couldn't get from yawning through a season's worth of HD quality Champions League matches on the telly.

Mind you, I have never understood what anyone has ever got from being an armchair football fan.  It must really be difficult to feign support for whichever foreigner-laden team is doing well at the top of the Premiership.  But, does a Surrey-based Man Utd fan get any genuine thrill from watching his team beat Wigan?  Does a Midlands-based Chelsea fan feel any real pain when they lose to a last minute goal?  A rip-off replica shirt from JJB and a sports subscription from Sky Sports do not a real football fan make.  If you can't feel it, what's the point? 

Nights like last night is what football is truly about.  Big night and big emotions.  Surely something worth fighting for?  Poppies hardcore support and team as one.  What a pity our Chairman wasn't there to see what he is risking with his petty games.

Small mercies to be thankful for

Once upon a time I approached a matchday with at least some hope of a win. Today I don’t think I’ve ever been more certain we would lose. Apart from maybe the Luton doubleheader. And York away. God, I gave us more of a chance when we took on Fulham.

This is what we are reduced to – admit it, being relieved that we escaped with a 1-4 scoreline that in the circumstances is “respectable” according to the OWS. Actually it is. Against a side that just three days ago took Championship Brighton to penalties, it was respectable for an unpaid,demotivated, bewildered bunch to not get totally steamrollered.

On Thursday, when we were up before the headmaster, I felt real dread that we wouldn’t even get as far as today. I fully expected to click on Poppynet to see a thread titled The End. Docked 15 points or kicked out. A suspended 3 point penalty is more than respectable, it's a huge reprieve. Maybe Imraan convinced the Conference committee that our problems were not of our making. Or maybe they were simply worried about preserving the integrity of their league, with two clubs facing oblivion in the space of a week.

Ok we lost again, but right now just mustering enough players to fulfil another fixture and keep the flame flickering keeps us alive for a few more days, and that is pretty much all we have to celebrate tonight.

Ladak: "Concrete and viable plan"

Our manager next Tuesday

Our manager next Saturday

W...W....Westwood?!?

It may well be very nice of Ashley Westwood to step in and assist the club as the FOURTH Manager we've got through this season, and even more impressively, the third in January, but, c'mon, WTF?  Haven't we seen enough red cards this season?

Complete list of reasons why Imraan has appointed him -

(A) In the pre-season game between the club and DRC employees last year Westwood kicked one of the Locum backroom staff into the stand, and then glowered over him to get up if he fancied "some more".  We suspect, that in light of recent events concerning our former sponsors, that this incident has endeared him to our Chairman.

Reasons we should be happy -

(A) He knows the way to Wrexham!

(B) He's not Morrell.

Officially the angriest man
to have ever lived