Blue Square versus Bet Fair

Only at Kettering.....!  A battle between two multi-million pound companies happening over little old us.

The moment it was announced that GR's special guest star sponsors were to be Bet Fair I'd wager most of us didn't give it a second thought.  We chuckled at images of the players wearing retro kit as well as retro facial hair.  We laughed at the promo video, one of the few times this season that events at Non Park amused rather than had us watching from between our fingers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSUtyk47mpw

However, someone at Blue Square certainly didn't find the situation as amusing as the rest of us.  It now appears that they have flexed their sponsorship muscle with the league, and our team won't be permitted to play in our Doogan-era strip.

Hopefully the club have banked any monies from Bet Fair, and they are content with the exposure this campaign has generated.  And of course, Blue Square can stop their hissy-fit.

If Blue Square's reputation was really as important to them as this affair would seem to suggest you've got to ask yourself why they are only stomping down on us.  Why aren't they badgering the BBC for example?  According to the Beeb's website, we are still playing in the Conference!  Fair enough, the BBC probably aren't allowed to mention the sponsors names, but whenever I hear the league called "the Conference", the first thing that comes to mind is "GM Vauxhall", not third rate online betting site.

And, if it's not too late George, and you have the phone numbers of a dozen leggy models (I'm sure your little black book is still sufficient to the task), get them down to Non Park modelling the Bet Fair kits (but not the moustaches) and perhaps being ball-boys for the game.

It always seems to come down to "Paying the Tax Bill"

Just read about George rolls personally paying off the club's tax bill and effectively lifting the immediate threat of us going out of existence.  If this is true, he is to be applauded for this action.  He has no prior connection with our club, and has no cause to care two hoots for us or our future.  If we limp on to be a vaguely competitive team in BSN next season this would be considered a success based on the mess Ladak had left us in.  This position would be down to the efforts of GR, The Trust, and our oppressed hardcore of supporters.

HOWEVER......

Being a suspicious Poppy, the wheels of my brain whirred upon reading the following on the ET website -

"Businessman George Rolls, who is running the Poppies ahead of a full takeover, has told the Evening Telegraph that a winding-up petition imposed on the club by Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs has been dismissed after the full amount owed was paid off."

I'm sure that I wasn't alone amongst Poppies fans in have a bit of a "Vietnam flashback" moment, going back 20 years to a similar statement from our then owner Mark English.  We all recall him telling anyone who would believe him that he'd paid off our tax bill, waving his infamous receipt around like a speed-pumped-up Neville Chamberlain, fresh back from Berlin. 

I really, REALLY hope that this is just a case of me being a typically ultra-cynical poppies fan......

Jocky - A Nation Mourns

So farewell then, Jocky Wilson. Jocky on the Oche they used to say, back in the great days of TV darts, before it went all WWF and disappeared from our terrestrial screens for all but a few days a year.

True legends like Jocky didn’t need a vampire’s cape or a contrived ‘nickname’ to grip the armchair audience. A set of false teeth in his back pocket and a fag wedged in his non throwing hand were all the accessories Jocky needed. That and his “arrers”, as Sid Waddell would say. Sid adored Jocky and was moved by him to utter what is still one of his great lines – “Jocky’s goin’ like a blitzkrieg tonight!!” - as the lovable lump nailed another double 16. The mad passion that led Sid to bracket a fat darts player in an acrylic top and the rampaging Nazi war machine tells you how much fun darts was back then.

It was sport – obviously, because it was on Grandstand - but not as anyone knew it. Jocky was merely one of the less athletic specimens in an era of Fat Bellies and Even Fatter Bellies, none of them looking a good bet to ever qualify for a bus pass. The cameras had to zoom in mighty hard, nearly as much as the “180” money shot, to keep the onstage lagers out of range, and many a game had so much smoke in the air it looked like an early Ultravox video.

I first became a Jocky fan when he made the world final in ’82. To be honest, there was no choice, because his opponent was John Lowe, who always displayed less emotion than a bag of frozen peas. Jocky won and Sid was ecstatic – “They’ll be dancing in the streets of Kirkcaldy tonight!!” He went equally nuts a few years later when Jocky won again, beating Bristow. In between those triumphs Jocky paid a visit to Kettering and I had the honour of shaking his sweaty palm. He had just seen off all comers in an exhibition at the Rising Sun, which I watched whilst trying to make an under-age half last all night.

And it must have been round about then that Jocky appeared on Top of the Pops. Sadly, not to perform his single “Jocky on the Oche”, which sold about 12 copies, but because his image flashed up behind Dexy’s Midnight Runners as they belted out Jackie Wilson Said. An easy mistake to make.

So RIP Jocky. You’ve shuffled off to that great Lakeside Tavern in the sky.


(Not the best of grouping, but it was his birthday.)

Comeback of all comebacks!

Laurie has posted this scary photograph of himself, and what eerily looks like Derek Doogan in the one-off retro kit for the Stockport game.  Laurie himself has gone from looking like Shorty's younger brother to looking like Dennis Waterman circa The Sweeney, albeit, Dennis Waterman standing on a chair!

"Get yer trousers on son, you're NICKED!"

The original photograph can be found, and shuddered at, here - http://yfrog.com/z/h378521139j

Youth or euthanasia?

When George Rolls left his seat in the South Stand and began strolling towards the home end yesterday, I was briefly thrilled by the thought that he was about to mingle with the ordinary terrace fan. After all, this is traditionally what new chairman do, in the first flush of ownership, during those precious first three weeks before their popularity dips. (Only joking George – in your case I’m sure it will be at least a month.)

Instead he kept walking purposefully past, and at least seemed uninterested in whether anyone noticed him – which is a small tick in the credit column. Perhaps he was wandering over to check how the game looked from the empty bank of sponsors boxes. It can’t have been worse than any other angle. So accustomed are we now to effectively conceding the game in the first ten minutes, it has ceased to have any capacity to shock. Once Alfreton had hit us with a couple of early jabs, the fight was over and they were content to bob around the ring, conserving energy for tougher contests ahead. And there’s another 8 instalments of this to come? Time to meet the new sponsor:



If it's possible to have such a thing as a good relegation, 2001 was it. Under Shutt we very nearly pulled off the great escape, winning 4 out of our last 5 and somehow walking away from the last game with renewed hope. This time, however, is shaping up to be a bad relegation, like 2003. The footballing equivalent of Napoleon's retreat from Moscow. A demotion so ragged that we hit the division below like a box of crockery dropped from a height. Or perhaps the division below the one below.

Ever the realist, I am approaching our imminent descent with a bit of a plan. First I focus on Blue Square North. I look at the ex-League clubs we might well encounter there – Chester, Halifax, Darlington. Not too shabby. Plus there’s Nuneaton, Alty, Corby and all the plastic Jock baiting that awaits. And the Conf North wasn’t so bad when you think about it. I hold that thought and then try thinking about the Southern Premier. Here it gets a bit more difficult. Well there’s Redditch. And, er, Bedford. Leamington, they get a few. Weymouth in August? Frome’s meant to be nice. Brackley – technically a local derby, assuming they aren’t by then a level above us (sob).

Maybe it's time we accepted our situation and shipped out all the disinterested / useless loan players, instead giving a bunch of under 18s a few games to show what they can do. They can hardly be any worse and if any earn a contract, it will be the sort we can afford!

But, hey, there’s still 24 points to play for! Or if we can just keep ourselves ahead of Bath, all we need is three other clubs to fold, resign or be kicked out at the end of the season and we live to fight another day. If our name was Forest Green, ya wouldn’t bet against it.

Report to the Central Police Intelligence Unit from Northamptonshire Police

Thank you for your recent intelligence updates for the Kettering Town game against Lincoln City, and yesterday's fixture with Alfreton.  You will be pleased to know that our concerted efforts led to a 100% success rate on both days.  Based on your intelligence we instigated the following precautions: -

• Saturation policing at the football ground
• Police presence at Rockingham Road too, just in case
• Holding in custody of anyone we saw wearing red clothing
• Dawn swoops and arrests across the entire East Midlands of anyone who has ever seen a football game
• Execution of all male infants born in Nazareth

Thanks to these sensible actions we managed to maintain acceptable order in the face of overwhelming provocation.  If you have any further intelligence please feel free to forward it on to us.  Sometime coming up to the end of April when we're looking to book our Summer holidays would be useful.

During the Lincoln game we  valiantly ensured
that no violence erupted near refreshment bar

For the Alfreton game we directed the masses
of away fans to a dedicated carpark, soon
overflowing with unruly miscreants

We managed to successfully contain the vast swathes
of Alfreton hordes, utilising only several snatch vans,
SWAT teams, dogs, horses, and hundreds of officers

Our intrepid motorcycle officers posed greatly assisted with the
maintaining of order.  Some even stayed awake for
their entire shift

Feenicks

I have a confession to make and hope once I have made it, at least some will understand if not forgive.

In recent weeks and months there has been much talk of a reborn Kettering 1872 FC, run by the fans for the fans, playing once again within the boundaries of Kettering, offering a fresh start free of the issues that have afflicted us for so long.

It’s a tempting vision, often referred to by its advocates as a pheonix club.

Here’s the confession.

Whenever I see that, all the arguments for and against instantly rank second to a single thought -

It’s a PHOENIX club, can’t you lot bloody spell?

I realise this makes me a bad person...