First Few Building Blocks Put In Place

Our new Military Junta Management Committee has had something of a baptism of fire.  Club relegated, Owner walks out, throwing the keys to Latimer Park casually over his shoulder as he leaves.  They then have an open meeting to lower already low expectations ahead of the coming season to somewhere in the region of nil.  And then the Manager quits.  All played out in front of the least forgiving audience in football - us lot.

Today though seems to have marked the start of a bit of a fight-back.  Within a couple of hours this afternoon the club have announced the most generous season ticket deal in living memory AND named a new Manager.  Along with roughly 100% of our supporters I have no prior knowledge of Andy Leese, but he has already earned my respect by having the decency to be older than me.  I thought the days of having Managers with the good taste to be born before me were long gone.  All we need now is for Ken Samuel or Mick Coe to take on the role of Generalissimo Chairman and both Chairman and Manager will be older than me.  The last time that happened was under the leadership of Mallinger and Morris....!

And, never mind what hot garbage Leese and his team serve up to us next season.  Thanks to an excellent Season Ticket offer, we could all be watching a season of pants football at A THIRD OFF LIST PRICE!  Never mind the quality, feel the discount.

Other than Imraan's suicidal season ticket give-away down at Nonce Park, the current early bird offer is the best pre-season deal I can recall the club offering.  Certainly better than in recent seasons where if you missed a couple of games you ended up paying more than if you paid every week on the gate.  And the first dibs on tickets for big FA Cup matches wasn't exactly much of a bonus....

"Awright my sahn, how they hangin?"

"Goo on me ol' beauty. 
Shent.  Kent.  Wunt. 
Teking me dug down the gitty an' up to
the gaaarden fields fer a shit later."

"Riiiiight........?"

Patbot?

So I decided to take a look at ChatGPT, and the first task I set it was:

"Write a poem about Kettering Town Football Club”  

Within literally five seconds, this spooled out: 

In the town of Kettering, where passions ignite, 
There’s a club that brings joy, in red and white. 
Kettering Town, a football team of might, 
Their spirit unyielding, shining so bright.

On Rockingham Road, where legends were born,
The Poppies took flight, with dreams to adorn.
Through highs and lows, they’ve weathered each storm,
United in purpose, a community sworn.

From humble beginnings, they’ve climbed with desire,
Through victories and setbacks, they never tire.
With fervent supporters, their hearts set on fire,
In the stands, their cheers reach higher and higher.
 
The hallowed ground echoes with roars of the crowd,
As warriors in red stand tall and proud.
Their boots on the pitch, they play with a shroud,
A dance of skill and grit, where legends are ploughed.
 
Through seasons of battles, both fierce and tough,
Kettering Town’s legacy, forever enough.
With loyal fans, whose faith never snuffs,
Their love for their club, unwavering and gruff.

Oh, Kettering Town, you shine like a star,
Guiding the dreams of those near and far.
Through thick and thin, you’ve come so far,
A beacon of hope, for all that you are.
 
So let the anthem of the Poppies resound,
In Kettering’s heart, forever renowned.
For Kettering Town, we’ll forever be bound,
In victory and defeat, our love knows no ground. 

My first reaction, obviously apart from noting the laboured rhyming structure, was – this is it, we’re doomed!   The machines are taking over!  If a bot can write that in the blink of an eye, how long before we’re hiding from killer androids in the smoking ruins of human civilisation? 

But then, should we be so worried?  On closer analysis, the composition is riddled with factual errors. We don’t play in red and white any more, Rockingham Road is long gone, and as for “loyal fans, whose faith never snuffs”, doesn’t ChatGPT read KTFC Chat?  And no mention at all of the pitch.

If AI can get it that wrong, there’s hope for humankind yet.  But best stock up on ammo and tinned food, just in case.  

I'm afraid I can't let you criticise my poetry, Dave

Smelling the Coffee

If I took three points away from last night's Fans Forum hosted by the newly assembled Management Committee, they would be these - 

One - We're going to experience a cold dose of financial reality

Two - It's comforting the club is currently being run by people who are first and foremost Poppies supporters

Three - If we are ever lucky enough to have another owner / chairman / benefactor half as good as Ritchie again perhaps we shouldn't spend quite so much time trying to push him out of the club

It's clear we are going to be living hand-to-mouth for the foreseeable future.  Even though we've travelled many miles down the path of potential oblivion due to our financial shennanigans we still have far too many supporters who believe we are a big noise in football and who's idea of footballing mathematics looks a little like this -

700 people x £15 every fortnight, divided by 16 players and a manager = Over £300 each.  Plenty to stay in NLN or piss the Southern League.  Add to that bar takings and FA Cup runs and we're rolling in money.  Happy Days.

Hopefully last night has given us all a bit of a wake-up call.  Yes, we can still have a competitive football club.  But without a backer the onus falls on us, ALL OF US to help and contribute more.  To show exactly how much we actually want a football club.  Alternatively, we could sit at home and wait for the next benevolent millionaire owner to make Ritchie an offer he can't refuse.  Or, perhaps while we await this impending saviour, we can see what we can do to help our own club.  On the night the suggestion that entrance fees are likely to remain the same next season, while not cheered to the rafters was understood and broadly agreed with.  The club has bills to pay.  Lots of them.

Most in the room seemed glad that the whole farce of "Frenchies Field" was given short shrift by the Management Committee.  The idea we might end up playing on an inaccessible patch of unprovisioned waste ground seemed to have been kicked into touch at long last.  The tatty scrubland's only claims to fame are that it is, if you squint hard enough, in Kettering (kind of) and a full half a mile closer to my house than Latimer Park.

Unsurprisingly the same Social Media Big Noises who helped Ritchie decide being Chairman of the Poppies wasn't worth the grief were (A) not at the meeting, and (B) sat on their phones post-meeting, moaning about the cost of the games they were going to pick and choose attending next season and questioned why the club wasn't still rushing full tilt at building them a new ground.

Believe me, you'll thank me when you turn on "Twitter"

What If The Worse Happens? Part 4

Possible THE worse thing has happened today.  Worse even than relegation.  With immediate effect Chairman / Owner Ritchie Jeune has quit the Poppies.  No new owner or Chairman is in place.  He has simply walked away.

Online Poppies Numpties Get Their Way

The Club Statement makes one thing starkly clear -

Ritchie's leaving is in no small part down to the handful of mouthy pricks who shoot the odds on Poppies Chat.  He repeatedly mentions the "fan-base" looking for new ownership. And I'm damn sure he's not talking about the 99.5% who are fully behind him.  You know who he's referring to.  They know who they are.  They are the ones who lambast anyone for daring to recall how close and how often we have come to folding, and then accuse anyone who does recall of somehow holding the club back and living in the past.

It goes without saying that most of these dicks are keeping their heads down at the moment.  Hopefully even they must realise what a seismic loss this is?  At least I hope so.  Perhaps they are too busy blowing Carl Stairs to notice?

But what annoys me almost as much as what this small group of arseholes have contributed towards is the fact Ritchie could NEVER resist engaging with them.  Ritchie spent far too much time trying to deal rationally with, at most, a dozen part-time supporters, wallowing in their entitled discontent.  Loving the sound of their own voices as they stoked each other to a frenzy of self-righteous disgruntlement in their online echo-chamber.  They have NO idea of how football clubs work or are run.  They sit at home, watching Champions League games on Poppies matchdays, loudly wondering why Ritchie wasn't funding this or that.  Wondering why Frenchie's Field wasn't happening.  Wondering why numerous Hollywood stars aren't descending on NN16.

Why Ritchie couldn't stop himself from engaging with their repeated gripe-fests is a mystery to all.  He's a bright bloke.  A hard-nosed businessman.  And yet, he couldn't stop arguing with a literal handful of no-marks who's knowledge of running a football club begins and ends with playing FIFA '22 on their Playstations.  Over the years they seem to have worn down Ritchie's enthusiasm to such a level he probably associates all of us with these dickwads.  And now we are going to pay the price.

Undoubtedly the numerous volunteers at the club are busy dividing between them the necessary tasks to keep the club afloat.  But the optimistic hope of bouncing straight back to NLN are well and truly on hold.  Entirely reliant on our supporter-base to sustain us we are going to be lucky to still be playing at all in 12-months.

"First question Ritchie, does Imraan or George Rolls
have first dibs on the club now....?"

What If The Worse Happens? Part 3

I appreciate the title is rather redundant now, but like Lee Glover's inability to voluntarily change tactics, if it ain't broke (or even if it is), don't fix it.  The journey home from Kidderminster felt every single one of it's 77.3 miles (thank you Google Maps) and I, and I daresay, a lot of you deliberately swerved Poppies Social Media last night.  The game, the season, Poppies Social Media on the day of relegation, and a cabinet full or paracetamol do not a good combination make.

Not that one had to log onto Poppies Chat or Talk to know exactly what you were going to get.  

• The same small group of Mouths wanting the heads of Glover, Ritchie, anyone else who works at the club, the players plus any fellow supporters who disagrees with them, mounted on spikes lining the entrance to Latimer Park.

• A lot of understandable calls for the dismissal of Glover or for him to do the decent thing.

• People demanding that someone pump lots of money into the club.  Someone else.  Not themselves.  Obviously.

• Demands for Frenchies Field Stadium to be built and open for pre-season.

• Slagging off of anyone who dares to suggest Ritchie is still in credit with most of us.

• Ritchie biting.

• The occasional reasoned if disappointed contribution.  Probably about our diminishing fan base being unable to sustain NLN football.  No doubt shot down by the same handful of Mouths who pick and choose when they attend and are entirely unapologetic about dumping the Poppies for Champions League football on the telly.

• Desperate pleas for Carl Stairs or any brother of a former top player to take us over and fund several promotion pushes.  Or any passing Hollywood Superstar who just happens to be reading for that matter.

• Pitch at Latimer Park to be sorted, no matter what the cost.  As long as someone else pays again.

• Fervent wishing that Peterborough Sports fail their ground inspection.  It would be amusing for sure, but pretty f*cking desperate....

Twenty Four hours and a deep breathe later and the plunge onto Poppies Chat and Poppies Talk has been taken.  Not entirely surprised that we've pretty much got a Full House on our Poppies Social Media Bingo guesses.  Thankfully there seems to be a lot more sensible talk once the initial bile hit the high water mark.  AND it seems someone has decided we need ANOTHER Facebook Forum....we'll have one each soon.

Bottom Line - we weren't good enough on the pitch to stay up.  We had plenty of chances to give it a bloody good go, but simply lost the knack of winning football games.  Everything else is so much froth.

Who knows, maybe we'll see these kinds of scenes again one day.
Sure ain't gonna be at f*cking St Ives or Barwell though....

What If The Worse Happens? Part 2

The Chairman

Despite the concerted efforts of a handful of f*ckwits to drive Ritchie out of the Club, and despite Ritchie seemingly being open to offers for the club we look like we're going to be tethered together a while longer.  I struggle to understand why a small but hardy number of our "supporters" lambast possibly our most effective ever Owner / Chairman.  Usually just before they ask him to build a brand new ground for us in a field in Kettering that is only reachable via helicopter.

If we go down will it hasten Ritchie's exit?  Would we be as attractive a proposition to a potential new owner when we're back in the Southern League?  Some people can't get their head around the fact there isn't a queue as long as your arm of wealthy benefactors desperate to pump money into the Poppies.  Barely 10 years after our previous owner overspent wildly and we dodged liquidation by a hairs-breadth, and ended up in a division where three figure crowds were newsworthy, too many of us are looking for a similar "saviour".  I imagine if Imraan was to show up tomorrow with his wallet open an awful lot of us would welcome him back with open arms.

Off Field

I'd like to think the running of the club would continue to function.  The people who quietly work behind the scenes at Latimer Park would, hopefully, continue to do so in a lower league.  Beer will still be drunk.  Food still eaten.  Klondikes still bought with no expectation of winning.

Frenchies Field

We need to forget about this patch of pointless scrubland until it has viable access.  Until then it's just a distraction and a convenient excuse for lapsed fans to not bother getting over to Latimer Park.

The Supporters

Perversely, we may get more of us at games.  As much as we all love the Poppies we all seem to love them a hell of a lot more when they are winning.

The Players

I always find it weird when a team gets relegated and most of the players get moves to other teams in the division their former team has just been dumped out of.  If you were all that good, how the hell did you get relegated?  I'm sure if the worse happens tomorrow most of our team will be on their way.  Part of me would be disappointed.  They all seem like honest triers and we could certainly build a reasonable team around the likes of Myles, Gascoigne, White, Stohrer, Sharpe and a few others.  More likely they'll all want away, and by the time next season's fixtures come out I probably won't miss any of them.

The Manager

After a shaky start both on and off the pitch (some of Lee's early interviews were painfully terse) I think Glover has done an OK job.  After a bad start he got us into a position where a couple of wins in our last dozen games would have seen us safe.  The fact we didn't get these wins highlights the downside of Lee's management style.  When we needed to be ballsy and go for it we showed nothing.  We relied on a good defence and a hopeful Burton bobble in the opposition's penalty area.  And that was about it.  I don't think Ritchie will have to sack Lee if things go badly tomorrow.  I think he will have the good grace to know he has failed and walk.

Ritchie = Please stop feeding the trolls.  Unless you can
guarantee them wins and titles you'll never win them over.  

And probably not even then....

What If The Worse Happens? Part 1

Now that the joy of the Legends Day is firmly in the rearview mirror we turn our reluctant attention to this Saturday.  Aggborough.  Kidderminster.  And the fatalistic conclusion that we will be relegated.  If both Blythe and Bradford lose we stay up.  But does anyone really see this happening?  Not many in the NN15/16 postcodes do, that's for sure.

This is the time of the season for the wide-awake at 2.00AM pondering of "what if's".

What if we'd acquired Jimmy Knowles a month earlier?

What if Frankie Maguire hadn't got injured?

What if we'd turned just one of our thirty-five 0-0 draws into a win?

What if.  What if.

There's a lot of factors we can't influence.  But, there's an awful lot we can.  Patgod hasn't been especially critical of Lee Glover during his season here.  Anyone with the barest, passing knowledge of the Poppies knows he was handed an uphill task when he arrived.  We'd just had our highest finish in the table for 10 years.  We wanted more of the same please.  

Unfortunately we'd just lost a couple of managers who saw the club as nothing more than a stepping stone and had allowed most of our best players to drift away.  The seeds for this season were well and truly sewn by Paul Cox and then watered and nurtured by Ian Culverhouse.  And, if you'll forgive the endless stretching of the metaphor, Lee then had the job of weeding the resultant garden to see if anything worthwhile was still growing.

Lee built a limited but hardworking team.  Sure, he tried out a few real duffers out but was canny enough to not let any of the dross get comfortable before they were heaved out.  Case in point being the team that took to the field to watch Chester play a practice game at their place.  We honestly had less passengers on the coach that day.  The worst offenders were gone within the fortnight.

Given how quickly Lee assessed and dispensed of players not up to the task, he has let himself and the rest of us down with his unshakeable formation and game-plan dogma.  Sitting back and playing one man upfront is a reasonable tactic when playing away from home, but sticking to the same formula at home as we racked up 0-0 after 0-0 is where Lee hamstrung our survival efforts.

While the teams around us picked up wins, some of them improbable, we had entire games without troubling the opposition goalkeeper.  The three home games in a week against Darlington, Peterborough and Scarborough where a win against ANY of them would effectively secured our safety will live long in Poppies infamy.

Our only advantage as a club is our, ahem, unpredictable pitch.  Did we play 2 or 3 up front and bombard these teams, who were already on the backfoot, happy to take a point?  No.  We tried to keep in tight and pinch a goal, relying on our solid defence to hold firm.  Like that tactic has served us well this season.....!  The only time we've changed tactics at home and attacked in numbers brought us goals against Boston, Chorley and Leamington.  And in these cases, we had to.  A coincidence?

Sorry Lee.  We haven't got the greatest team in the Division and know and accept this, but timid tactics and far too many draws have brought us to this point.  And that is down to you.

Who needs a "Plan B" when "Plan A" works so well?