Telford Day Redux

Long time readers will know the shorthand for an unexpected and quite shattering turnover in front of a big home crowd.  Just utter the phrase Telford Day and instantly it communicates something that will evoke shudders down the years.  Having minted the description, we found plenty of occasions to use it!

It got to the point where Telford Day decided to retire itself in protest at our tumble through the divisions. To the point where a ‘big’ home crowd was one in which you couldn’t be sure of your favourite spot if arriving one minute before kickoff.

Eventually Telford Day decided to make a comeback. However, in a twist on the old format, it chose to reinvent itself as an absolute shellacking by a former Conference rival, rudely emphasising how far we had fallen.

The pilot episode of Telford Day II: Mission Impossible was last season, when a Bucks team eyeing the playoffs strolled to the easiest of 4-0 wins.  Given our previous form, almost an above par outcome.  

That would probably have been that, had we not lived to fight another day in this division, but no one back then could have foreseen Telford Day III: Resurrection.

It was about time this tired old franchise had a complete reboot, and kudos to the new production team because the latest version is a massive improvement.

Spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t yet seen the full recording, but whilst the concept remains Kettering v Telford, the format is turned on its head. Inspired casting delivers a versatile ensemble who can run, pass, defend AND score, in the process inflicting a demoralising beating. But this time it’s not the team in white!

Enough said. Five stars!!   

Coming to a ground near you soon

Two words. Miserable Sod!

An unexpected downside of live TV coverage of the Poppies is the possibility of being introduced to millions of viewers as a miserable sod.  

Worse still, numerous friends and relatives who know you to be a frothy, fun and happening guy, overflowing with wit and jollity, see what you look like when "enjoying" the Poppies.  And then tell you how miserable you look via numerous WhatsApp messages and BBC freeze-frames of you looking oh-so glum.

We can't all be gurningly-grinning bundles of annoyingly bouncy positivity like Vince. but bloody hell, how f*cking miserable did I come across on the telly?

Miserable Sod

Digging deep for victory, but otherwise miserable

Wearing a hat.  A miserable hat

God knows.

 

Catching up on emails.  Miserably.

Keeping up to date with Strictly Come Dancing

Silvano finally has enough of my grimness
and steps in armed with his usual overflowing
bounce and brazen cheerfulness and just about
manages to coax a reluctant smile

One word. Wow

So how’s the head today? Has it sunk in yet?  For those of us lucky enough to be at Sixfields, we saw something that will take some beating. Maybe we’ll never see anything like it again – for a few weeks at least!  In the town that’s home to a certain brewery, this was truly a case of if Carlsberg did FA Cup away days…

Where to begin?  So much to process, we promise we will get it all down by about the 6th or 7th blog.  Maybe get the one gripe out of the way early.  The pre-match arrangements were a bit of a shambles.  Not so much the decision to frisk (smuggling in those flares must have been, um, uncomfortable) but then forcing early arrivers to cram into a narrow fenced strip with no toilets and a 30 minute wait to buy a drink. Less of a fan zone than a holding pen for illegal migrants. Not good.

Our support was, of course, phenomenal. Long before kickoff it was kicking up a racket that pretty much held for the full two hours ahead and was picked up very nicely by the TV mikes. This wasn’t your typical ‘big day out’ minnow club, with their small hardcore swelled by floating neutrals, our stands were packed with big bellied old bastards who knew all the songs and had muscle memory of days like these.  Been there, done that, wearing the old replica shirt! 

The BBC, scratching their heads for a balanced punditry combo, weirdly opted for a kind of Wycombe love-in, pairing Akinfenwa and Ainsworth.  At first it definitely seemed their sympathies leaned towards the brotherhood of League pros trying to avoid a banana skin. Not much was said about the threat that we posed apart from namechecking the couple of players viewers might have heard of. By half time their old school wisdom was that the only way back for us was to go direct and “ugly”. Clearly neither had done their homework on this Poppies side, who far from going ugly just upped their passing accuracy and inspired growing belief.

To be fair though, by the end they had correctly diagnosed that we can, in fact, play a bit, and were hailing Lavs for his bold approach.

Before the game, most of us to be frank would have settled for a performance and a goal. When it was clear we’d got both, thoughts turned to could we do it in the 90?  Extra time, wasn’t that when superior fitness usually told?  Someone behind me mentioned Leeds. Nobody seemed to have told this Poppies team.  Mixing unbelievable graft with class and composure, this was a display that tore up the plucky underdog script of backs to the wall, shots hacked off the line and occasional long punts downfield.  

Though there was one delicious late hoof by Hooper that ate up a few precious seconds!!   

The memory of the final whistle and the long and joyous scenes sums up everything that has sustained us through the bad times. For anyone who was there on that terrible final day at Nene Park, this was your reward. Or on a cold night at Corby. Or getting drenched at Latimer Park watching us take on Chalfont St Peter. We hung on in there, often questioning our sanity but hoping and praying that one day it would be worth it.

Saturday November 2 was that day.

So onwards we go for another tilt at a poor unsuspecting scalp (we hope) – although after Sixfields it’s a fair bet that absolutely no one will take us lightly.    

 "Viewers in the Northampton area may find some scenes disturbing"

You're History!

In an effort to prove how much of our lives we've wasted on Patgod and foisting our unformed and uninformed opinions upon the great Poppies public, we've trawled the archives for our coverage of the previous FA Cup tie against the Cobblers.  If nothing else it shows how little has changed in the 35 years (35 YEARS!!!) since that game.  Times may change.  Players and managers come and go.  Likewise with stadia.  And yet, we Poppies fans continue to happily kid ourselves that with a few good games under our belt that we are a match for anyone.

Below, if you can make it out, from Issue 4 was our attempt at satirising the Cobblers Cup Draw back in 1989, happily falling back on the fact that they shared their ground with the County Cricket team while we lorded it from the lofty glory and permanence of mighty Rockingham Road...ahem.

What WAS the same then as now was the fact that the Cobblers were struggling near the foot of League One (or Division 3 in old money) eventually finishing in one of the relegation slots.  We ended up finishing in our usual mid-Morris period 5th in the National League (again, for older readers, the Vauxhall Conference).  

That latest return to Division 4 for the Cobblers culminated, 4 years later, with the infamous season when they finished rock bottom of the League, exactly TWO PLACES in the pyramid above us, with only Kidderminster bloody Harriers and three bloody points preventing us from replacing the Cobblers in the Football League.  Yes, you young 'uns, we were once THAT close....

The Sheep?
Don't ask....perhaps our version of Page 3.....

1989 and all that

The last time we faced Northampton Town in a serious competitive match, the world was a very different place.  Just a few days earlier, the Berlin Wall had been breached, setting off a chain that led to the collapse of the Soviet Union.  Football was still coming to terms with the Hillsborough disaster and was yet to become fashionable. And we actually considered the Cobblers to be local rivals. 

Whether they felt quite the same about us is debatable – this always felt more of a one-sided, aspirational antagonism based 90% on geography and 10% on occasional Maunsell Cup clashes that no one really cared about. But as we turned into serious contenders for promotion to the Football League, we dared to dream that before long we would be competing on equal-ish terms. Hence the FA Cup draw offered perhaps a tantalising glimpse of things to come.

Or so the script was supposed to run. Things haven’t quite panned out that way since, although the Cobblers survived an almighty near miss a few seasons later.  Something that we prefer not to talk about because we had it in our power to swap League status with them… and blew it.  

Back to 1989 and the big match. Before managing to dig out an old cutting to refresh my memory, it was generally a bit hazy. Oh yes, there was a voucher scheme (sounds familiar) which led to over 3,600 attending the previous Saturday to claim their precious piece of paper. The ground capacity for the Cobblers game was set at 6,100 and was a sell out. That felt less than its actual limit, but these were post-Hillsborough days and caution was understandable. The atmosphere was loud and the Match of the Day cameras were there again. Barry Davies in his best headmasterly mode was poised to describe our win in Shakespearean terms, or something.

Sadly it became a case of much ado about nothing. Or a comedy of errors? Our big tactical gamble was to play a defender up front in place of the injured Ernie Moss. Neil Horwood seemingly entered Morris’s thoughts after scoring several in a 13-0 (THIRTEEN) midweek massacre of Daventry. He promptly exited his thoughts again after swiping thin air when through on goal early on.

The other moment which everyone who was there remembers (and plenty who weren’t) came after about an hour. Dean Thomas came marauding down the left, looked up and saw Shoey edging across, exposing his near post. Normally no great risk from 35 yards, except Thomas could really spank them from range.  For what happened next we refer you to every sleepless night Kev has had ever since!  

Such a horrendous flub was always likely to be decisive, and Northampton kept us at arms’ length to wrap up a win that was largely devoid of home threat. Then again, would you want to return to the away dressing room to face a fire breathing Graham Carr after a suffering an upset?

Fun fact: Eight of the Cobblers starting XI went on to play for us on the downward slope of their careers, plus of course we gained GC. And Neil Horwood lived happily ever after.   

The Poppies live on TV – a short history

With our beloved Poppies about to be thrust back into the national spotlight once more, even if just for a few fleeting hours before normality resumes, what better time to reopen old wounds reminisce about the previous occasions when national television came knocking.

Plymouth 1994

Sky TV brought many innovations to the coverage of football in this country. American style marketing and razzmatazz. Games on Monday nights. The whoosh. And live FA Cup coverage from Round 1 onwards. We didn’t have to wait long for an opportunity to land in our laps. Surviving just one tie in the 94/95 competition delivered us a plum home draw against a Plymouth side managed by Peter Shilton. And Sky picked it for their prime Sunday afternoon slot!  

Unlike previous occasions when we made the MOTD highlights, there would be a big build up (ooh), a temporary studio (gasp) and Richard Keys (…).  Not since hosting It’s a Knockout had the town known such giddy excitement. Even Weetabix got in on the act, plastering their name inside the ground for the one and only time.

With Super Carl Alford leading our attack, hopes were high that Shilton would depart even more lugubrious than normal. However, the team had a collective off day and left Andy Gray growl-less up on the gantry. Alford miskicked his and our only chance, Plymouth had buckets but just one was enough. We sloped off feeling like we hadn’t shown up to our own party. 

How we saw it.  Oh the wit...

Wrexham 1999

After a gutsy draw at the Racecourse earned us a home replay, Sky decided to give us another chance to register a shot on target in front of their cameras. To Rockingham Road they came on a November night, setting up their mini studio once more. Memory doesn’t quite stretch to recalling if we were again graced with their A Team. It feels more like they may have chosen to rest Keysey, and go with Alan Parry on coms. Equally Peter Morris had a tricky selection dilemma.  To play Sam Banya up front alongside McNamara or Hudson. Or try to win.

With or without Sam, this was another night when casual viewers must have wondered if non-league teams were allowed to shoot.  Wrexham soon took a two goal cushion, and whilst we made a better fist of it than against Plymouth, it was in truth another squib of the moist kind.  

Kingstonian 2000

History records that Sky were also present at our second and at this rate last appearance in the FA Trophy final. However even at this distance the memory of that day is still so painful, we would prefer not to dwell on it. Not so much the loss, but the fact it was to Kingstonian, who didn’t care a whole lot about it then and even less now.

Leeds 2009 (x2)  

Were it not for an ill-judged choice of shirt sponsor, it’s quite possible that our next live appearance would have been at home to Fulham. But Imraan knew best as he always did.  Fortunately, stunts were on the back burner the following season when we were paired with Leeds – or so we thought. This time ITV had the broadcasting rights and, no doubt hoping for a repeat of Histon knocking out Leeds the previous year, almost got their wish. A packed Rocky Road saw us lead for a while before Beckford earned a replay.  Then came the ultimate prize of a trip to Old Trafford for the lucky winners. But in Bully terms, would we be getting the speedboat or the steak knives?

To Elland Road, where the League One leaders and ITV4 lay in wait. It was, to put it mildly, a bit one sided, but somehow we kept the tie alive into extra time. And scored a brilliant goal – Heslop breaking from deep, ball swept to Partridge haring down the right, low cross whipped in and Elding there to meet it. Leeds stunned as 2,000 in the away end erupted. Eventually, inevitably, the dam burst in the second period of extra time but what a heroic performance that was. And Ladak couldn’t wait to let John Deehan know what he thought about it, by sacking him straight after the match. Just to add insult to the loss of that speedboat.

And that, boys and girls, was that until the next chapter at Sixfields. Odds on a Poppies win – maybe modest. Chances of George immediately sacking Lavs if we lose – probably smaller.    

Fence uncomfortable much Kev?

We've had worst Poppies supporting days than Monday 14th October 2024 I suppose.  We started the day by signing, arguably one of the best strikers in the league and ended it by drawing the Cobblers in the FA Cup.  Not too shabby.  Certainly known worse days.  Quite a few in fact.

The signing of Jonny Edwards is the most obvious example that, despite the protestations of our new owners and Lavs that a play-off spot is their aim this season, we are tilting for the title.  It's going to be tough.  One look at the League table shows how incredibly tight the top 10 is.  A run of wins you are on top of the pile.  A run of defeats and you are looking over your shoulder at the relegation scrap.  Few that have seen us at our best this season would doubt that we have as good a chance as anyone else to win the league.  

Edwards is the real deal, as anyone who saw his debut at Bromsgrove will attest.  He came on at half time, scored a penalty and were it not for numerous goal-line blocks and a keeper equal parts lucky and inspired, he would have finished with the match ball under his arm.  I thought it was amusing, though, that in the official club website write-up of Jonny's signing they mentioned his 3 goals in 2 games against us last season.  If anything, this diminishes his quality.  So abject were we against St Ives last season that only scoring 3 goals suggests he wasn't very good or trying very hard.  Such was the ease with which the Poppies were carved up at "The Quattro-Tech Westwood Stadium" last season that at one point even I scored a goal which was subsequently flagged offside.

The FA Cup draw was, obviously, the main news of the week.  The next morning on radio Northampton Kev Shoemake and Luke Graham were dragged onto the airwaves to talk about the County clash.  Disappointingly, BOTH of them remained stubbornly neutral about the match  Considering that between them they have something in the region of 250 appearances for us and (checks notes) ZERO appearances for the Cobblers, would it have been so hard to back your former team?  You do know that hoping your former team can spring a shock against the mighty Northampton Town ISN'T a hate crime?  Even on Radio Northampton.  We are as much in Northamptonshire as they are.  Do you think any former Cobbler players asked the same question wouldn't automatically back their former employers?  Of course they would.  And rightly so.  C'mon guys - we know you'd both love us to turn the Cobblers over.  Would it kill you to admit it?  

It's probably this lack of commitment-to-the-cause why Kev never quite, despite repeated efforts, managed to snag that elusive Poppies Testimonial game.  But hey, there's still time.....!  😉

Expect some more from Patgod about the upcoming FA Cup clash and perhaps a dig into the archives about our last encounter from back in more analogue days, where if both Neil Horwood and Shoey could handle a ball properly, the outcome might have been different.

Still got it!
Brett and Craig are equally amused that Shoey's
beer-gut repels another attack in the recent Legends game.

(c) Shorty