So Tempted......

Whilst booking online tickets for our early season 6-pointer with the Pilgrims I stumbled upon this tantalising offer of an afternoon's hostility, sorry, hospitality at the still almost completed Jakeman's Stadium.

"......CLUB 85 - BOOKINGS AVAILABLE

As the National League North campaign kicks firmly into gear, availability remains for supporters to enjoy the Pilgrims' matchday experience in Nineteen33.

Monday's Matchday VIP against Kettering Town is former Pilgrims and Poppies striker Micky Nuttell – and the menu on offer is:

- Braised brisket, mashed potato, bourguignon sauce;

- Lemon tart, fruit compote, Chantilly cream."...."

Hell, who were we kidding?

Managing Expectations the Paul Cox way

 

News reaches us that our favourite former son has been setting out the timescale of his latest promotion project to the good folk of Boston.  Rather than build on last season when they fell at the final hurdle Cox has re-set the promotion clock and will be looking to consolidate for the next 2-3 years and strive to keep Boston at this level ahead of pushing on at some point past the middle of the current decade.

Having been stuck in "Conference North" for a generation following their Steve Evans, ahem, inspired spell in the Football League the Pilgrims faithful have greeted Cox's announcement with less enthusiasm than Paul would have hoped for.

Ernie Balderdash took time off from frisking his livestock to comment that, "I bet he didn't say this to the Board when he got the bloody job!  And that Jordan Crawford looks funny...."

Long-time Boston fan, and part-time otter wrangler Gibberish McFlintlock added, "Madness!  We can't wait three years to be roundly thrashed by the likes of Borehamwood and Bromley.  And that Jordan Crawford runs like he's shat himself...."

Concerned fan Slimer Pasteface contributed, "Not only is the new ground further out of Boston than either me or any previous generation of my family have strayed from our mud hut, but I want guaranteed wins and promotion NOW, if not sooner.  "And that Jordan Crawford, what the f*ck is that with his socks.....?"

But Cox's plan, backed up with performances expertly calibrated to ensure Boston don't accidentally achieve promotion ahead of schedule also has its backers.  I*n C*lverhouse from Kings Lynn announced he was delighted with the job Paul was doing with the Pilgrims, telling us, "He's going great guns, and I won't stray too far from my telephone this Bank Holiday weekend.  I've never really been bothered about Kettering Town FC, but, on this occasion, Come on you Poppies!"

All we seek is equality

I sincerely hope the Poppies Supporters Trust will be handing out kagools, umbrellas, or even copies of the ET to hold above our heads tonight?

Otherwise it will look very much like they only have it for the sun.....

People, people everywhere

Ok, so the gate for the first home game of the season today may have only been just over a 100 more than rocked up at Corby.  And half the number that turned up at little old Banbury.  But, considering the enormous issues facing Kettering Town fans every week of every season, it's a miracle as many people turn up at Latimer Park as they do.

Especially when you consider -

August - September

Everyone is on their holidays.  How are we supposed to pack out the Morrisons End when we're all at Skeggy or Sunny Hunny?  And if we're not all busy paddling away in the grey North sea, it's FAR too hot for football - see below.

October - November - December

What with back-to-school, Halloween, Bonfire Night and the build up to Christmas is it any surprise we all have plenty of room to move around in the Tin Hat?

January - February

Forget it.  Every game will be called off due to snow / ice / rain / pandemic.  If, by some miracle our players actually take to the pitch who can afford to watch football after pissing all their money away at Christmas?  And who wants to go to a game when it's so perishing cold?  Brrrr....

March - April - May

How are we supposed to get up to Latimer Park several times per week to make up for all the previously postponed fixtures?  Totally ridiculous of the club to expect us to actually make the effort to get to our home ground to watch our team.

So, there you have it.  If we get ANYONE up to Latimer Park the club should consider themselves damn fortunate.  Somehow every other club has the same stresses and strains on attendance but seem to get people that consider themselves as supporters to actually support their club.  No, we don't know how, either.

This season will be doubly difficult as we don't have the attraction of the untraditionally gorgeous Jordan Crawford to get us in through the turnstiles and the seemingly guaranteed 5-0 wins we mysteriously recall enjoying every Saturday last season.

34 degrees is far too fecking hot
to wear this mad fecking costume.

I worked up a sweat just watching....

James Alexander Gordon Bennett

God knows the last few years have been tough. Brexit. Trump. Covid. Ukraine. At times it has seemed never ending, but through it all there were things to cling to for comfort.

And then the BBC announces the end of the classified football results on Sports Report and you think, is nothing sacred?  

Five o’clock is usually just about when you reach the car or coach after the match. Whatever the mood,  no one talks when the ‘pa rum de pum de pum de pum’ strikes up, followed by a holy recital of the day's results. 

Or maybe not. If you are used to getting instant updates by smartphone, who needs a radio summary at 5pm?  Perhaps it's just a generational thing - old farts reverentially listening to the classifieds; millennials instead busy on their phones. 

Apparently the official reason is there will be commentary on another Premier League match from 5.30, so cuts had to be made.

One way of carving out time on Sports Report would be to trim the interviews where ‘Chappers’ asks the victorious manager questions that only have one obvious answer beginning with yes. Driving home listening to this pap, I often imagine alternative responses:

"After the defeat in midweek were you hoping for a reaction?”

“No, I was demanding a repeat performance, in fact worse”

Or make 6-0-6 a few minutes later (6-0-12?) and deny the nation the opinion of at least one caller who wasn’t at the game or even watched it on TV but nonetheless thinks it was never a penalty.

It’s an idea, as is maybe not doing commentary for the first 30 mins of Arsenal v Brentford or whatever the late kick off is (usually of less interest to most fans than a proper round up of the afternoon’s events).

But what do we know. It’s been decided and another little piece of football’s shared culture is gone.

Maybe it’s time to slap a preservation order on Garth Crooks, sitting on a sofa, looking bug eyed and indignant about something or other. We need to cling on to these legends while we can!

But ultimately everything must turn to dust. God bless the memory of James Alexander Gordon and his delicate intonation:

Heritage nil, Vandalism ONE  

Mark that on your pools coupon.

It all starts here

Following the build up to the new season through my primary news feed, KTFC Chat, has not been the most positive experience. As far as I can tell from the deluge of pessimism, we have 7 players, a couple of loanees, a manager who will be sacked by next month, a pitch that no one wants to play on, a burger hut that’s too small and replica shirts stuck in Dubai.  

Also, apparently everyone was certain we were going to lose our opening game 17-0 so I tuned out for my mental wellbeing and will check on the actual result a bit later. Hopefully we at least kept it to single figures.  

Instead, in a form of diversion therapy I decided to focus on the opening round of this season’s FA Cup. The Extra Extra Preliminary Round. Thankfully a stage of the competition which we don’t yet know from personal experience, but scrolling down the immense list of ties it was sobering, gratifying or hilarious (delete as applicable) to see quite a number of old foes who faced elimination at the very first stage.

A total of 266 clashes saw 528 clubs battling it out on the first Saturday of August, with two abandonments, and already 147 teams have no further interest - including Corby (slight surprise) and Wellingborough (not at all). Elsewhere, other notable names (original versions or not) include former non-League giants Enfield, Northwich Victoria, Worcester City and Macclesfield.  Worcester made the 2^nd Round not that long ago, yet here they were losing to my local club, Malvern Town, who will be putting out the bunting after winning an actual tie for the first time in many years.

At the other end of the recognition scale are entrants in this year’s competition so obscure, even the most ardent groundhopper would struggle to locate them on a map – much to their fury and Tupperware boxes would be sent flying I suspect.  Roffey, Mulbarton Wanderers, Litherland Remyca, Holyport, Rusthall, Tadley Calleva or St Panteleimon anyone? Trumpton and Camberwick Green could be slipped in and no one would notice. 

Elsewhere in the draw, Penrith failed to make the most of home advantage against West Allotment, and went out to a row of tomato canes and cabbages. At least Harpenden fared better against New Salamis, and enabled their opponents to concentrate on being pizza toppings for another year.

It really is another world down there, like peering to the murky underwater depths where strange creatures exist and there is the odd sunken ship. An image which I hope we are not returning to when we enter this season’s competition, in search of glory or at the very least 3 precious goals. Meanwhile the minnowest of the minnows will continue to nibble away at each other, and we are safe to patronise them for a few weeks yet!      

Now how did we get on at Fylde…   

Good Luck Chaps!

 It's the first day of the season and supporters up and down the land are looking forward to 10 months of excitement, ups and downs, last minute winners, shocking penalty decisions and catching up with people at football games they've known for years but never known the names of.

I'd like to think Poppies fans fall into this category, but it's sometimes difficult to spot amongst the doom-laden, teeth gnashing emanating from KTFC chat.  Conveniently forgetting that we started last season with practically a brand new team, the squad being assembled by Lee Glover has been rubbished by a lot of people who haven't actually seen them play.

Their biggest fault?  That they are not Jordan Crawford.  Or Alex Brown.  Or any of the various Connors we had last season.  Players we grew to appreciate as the season wore on, but players we didn't know from Adam this time last year.  Players, let it not be forgotten, CHOSE to leave the Poppies.  Sometimes for eye-watering wages at this level (looking at you Kennedy).  Sometimes chasing promotion - Connor Barrett.  Sometimes in pursuit of play-off heartbreak as in the case of Callum Stead.  And others simply to test out a new substitute bench a'la Mr Crawford.

It's not the fault of the new players that our old faves chucked us for money, facilities and a pitch you can pass on.  So Patgod puts on record today wishing the team and staff all the best for the season.  There's some tough months ahead.  Some strong teams and difficult places to visit.  But, I fear their hardest challenge is winning over some of their own supporters who are actively lining up to be their toughest opponents.