Fascinating Facts about Hayes & Yeading



Seymour?  Yes please!



Famous footballing nutter Glenn Hoddle comes from Hayes.  Or possibly Mars.  Certainly spoke from Uranus.

Feisty "Dr Quinn" and Bond beauty Jane Seymour is another Haysian who did good.  i.e., she left.

There is also the delicious rumour that Buster Bloodvessel lives on a canal boat in Hayes (presumably on the water...)  If that doesn't scare off the ducks, nothing will!

And that's it as far as Hayes is concerned.  As for Yeading, just think of Hayes, minus the glittering array of famous ex-pats.

The only on-line reference to Yeading concerns Yeading FC, who don't even exist anymore.



Sub 750 - that's the target!

Marcus Law and his boys take on Histon at Rockingham Road tonight aiming for the double of 3-points AND a sub 750 midweek crowd.  The coveted, "Attracting less than 750 for a midweek game", title has been fought over in the past few months by the "Mid Table" Poppies* and the "Play-Off Chasing" Diamonds* in an increasingly desperate battle.



"I'm So Ronery"



The Diamonds thought they'd won the race last week when 759 hardy souls turned up for their heroes throw away a 2-goal lead to Forest Green.  Justin Edinburgh commented, "When I looked around the barren stadium at the thousands of empty seats, I really thought we'd cracked the sub 750 mark." 

He added, "When the gate came through as 759 me and the lads were gutted!  What's wrong with our fans?  There was Champions League football on the telly and everything!"

Marcus is quietly confident his lads can pip the Diamonds to the sub 750 title tonight, "We managed to lose to a crap team on Saturday, when we should have been out of sight, and I know for a fact that Histon's official supporter count is zero.  If we can't break the 750 figure tonight, I don't think we ever will."


* Thanks to Radio Northampton for these handy, cut-out-and-keep easy-to-remember team descriptions!  These are available from our premier local radio station, alongside, "Slipping perilously close to the relegation zone Cobblers", "Hammered again Steelmen", and the "All hail the God-like Saints".

The injustice of it all!

Has any team ever left Rockingham Road with less rights to our 3-points than Grimsby yesterday?  The former League team and their supporters showed nothing for the first 80 minutes of the game, except why they were now in non-league.  Their supporters were particularly poor - other than a quick "Boo" at half time they were the quietest group we've hosted all season.  Yes, Diamonds included.

And yet their team managed to do something we'd failed to do for most of the game.  They took their chances.  Unlike our strikers who wasted chance after chance during the second half, the Grimsby lads made the net bulge when it counted.  Yet again we were undone by a moderate team in the last 10 minutes.  And we all knew it was coming didn't we?  As missed opportunity followed missed opportunity we all knew we'd end up paying for it in the end.

Suddenly, the home game with Histon assumes a larger importance than it did a handful of games ago....

However, the result wasn't the only injustice handed out yesterday.  Regular readers will recall my bizarre, almost Gaddafi-style rant at my lack of luck with various Poppies matchday draws. You may even recall PW's amusing counterpoint to my lengthy whinge at Madam Fortune.

Just imagine my delight then when John "The Bastard" Cecil drew out the Club 200 number of my better half during yesterday's break!  Whilst I was obviously happy for her (somewhere very, very deep down) I couldn't help feeling that someone somewhere was having a bloody good laugh at my expense.  Actually, I KNOW this was true, because all of my friends around me seemed to be heartily enjoying the situation.

My mood wasn't lightened by seeing JC grinning like the bloody Cheshire Cat as he wandered back from the main stand, past me to take his place for the second half on Cowper Street.  I like JC, but Lord, it's sometimes hard to resist beating him to death with a thick wedge of losing raffle tickets.

Sometimes these things write themselves!

Hot on the heels of Corby's laudible attempt to achieve City status, comes the news that the Israeli swimming team intend to use their pool for training ahead of the 2012 Olympics.


The following statement has been released -

"Given that the violent, crime-ridden land in question has been in dispute between differing political and religious factions for many years, where an alien population, buoyed with obscene amounts of inward investment, has sat uncomfortably in the midst of its neighbours, we hope our being here will help foster peace and harmony."

Signed on behalf of the Israeli Olympic Committee.

Luck of the draw

By complaining recently about the half time draw odds being permanently stacked against him, my dear friend GL omitted to mention that he does have personal experience of the other side of the coin.

I can’t think how it slipped his memory.

Early in the 2006/07 season, he had the great pleasure of telephoning me to impart the news that I had won the Club 500 draw, as I think it was still known. The revelation that he was in fact incurring overseas call charges (I was sunning myself somewhere warm) obviously added to his delight.

Needless to say, on my next trip to Rockingham Road he was quick to congratulate me again on my good fortune, remarking that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.
Imagine therefore the reaction when, at the interval, I won the draw again!

To this day we still chuckle about it. Well, one of us at least.

Oops! Almost Forgot!

When Newport's hapless defender slid in the second goal for us into his own net last Saturday little did he, or most of us, know that the win his strike had sealed put us at the top of the all-time wins league at this level.  Although over entire history of the Conference we still trail Northwich by almost 30 points in the all-time standings, we have now won 411 games to their paltry 410.

We cannot afford to rest on our laurels though - Kidderminster are only 8 wins behind us, so, the way things are going, our record may not survive into the 2011-12 season!  Alty are a more distant 27 wins shy, whilst tomorrow's opponents Bath City are a mere speck on the horizon, being 171 wins short of overhauling us!

So, if for no other reason than to remain top "K" of the  Conference wins list, Marcus and his collection of teenage wannabees, red card loving 'keepers and out of position midfielders had better pull their fingers out and stick some wins on the board!

Fascinating Facts about Bath

Even though there is a Bath City, there is no Shower City, Bidet City or Toilet City (unless Corby somehow succeeds in their barmy plan to become a city of course).

Bath City was almost eclipsed by Team Bath a few years ago.  That's a bit like Kettering United overhauling the Poppies in the pecking order.  A ridiculous idea that looks unlikely to happen for at least a couple of years.

This caption was written before the
photograph was chosen, but I doubt you're
looking at a frumpy former Tory MP.

Bath is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  Along with the Great Wall of China.  The Great Barrier Reef.  Stonehenge.  Canterbury Cathedral, and various other locations around the world.  The selection criteria to become a "World Heritage Site" uses such terms as "masterpiece of human creative genius", and "to contain superlative natural phenomena or areas of exceptional natural beauty and aesthetic importance".  We have proposed the Kettering Heritage Quarter, but have yet to hear back...


Bath features in every single novel written in the 19th century when the idle bastards who used to mince around while the rest of us toiled to death in the fields "took the water", or "spent the season" twitching their fans and pantaloons at one another.

Two polar opposites of female were both born in Bath.  One was the evil monster currently undergoing an unfathomable bout of popularity due to inability to move in any coordinated way - Ann Widdecombe, and the other is the second most attractive woman on God's green earth - Indira Varma.  One of these ladies' photographs will no doubt appear on this blog....