1.7 Million Years BC

A week on from Linogate and the world of football is still reeling from the shock that at long last Richard Keys has said something interesting.

Clearly inspired by the work of Steve Coogan, Keys took parody to a new level with his brilliant take on Alan Partridge. All that was missing was the sports blazer as he tried to ingratiate himself with the old pros with his clumsy attempts at lad talk. I now won’t be able to hear the phrase “smash it” without thinking of Jamie Redknapp wriggling uncomfortably in his chair. Tennis commentary will never be the same again.

And as for Andy Gray, never mind the Jurassic banter, what about that reported salary? 1.7 million! As a dish owner I demand a refund. I don’t mind paying for ads with the production values of a Hollywood mini series or subsiding the golf club fees of a generation of grizzled ex players, but to think that all these years Gray has been trousering mega bucks for squiggling on a screen and saying “take a bow son” at the end of every match.

Thank God someone at Sky was thoughtful enough to leave the tape running and to have some more examples of smut handily stored for easy access. Maybe it’s not too much to hope that this could be the start of a general purge of the old guard in punditry. One look at the smug troupe lolling on the sofas on MOTD suggests that their off-air badinage could be similarly damaging in the current climate.

However please draw the line at Motty. I fear there’s things going on inside his head that are best left unexposed.

Fascinating Facts about Darlington

Darlington, as we all know, spent one year out of the Football League with us dead men some 20 years ago. They pretty much pissed all over all us tiny part-timers and disappeared from whence they came.

We signed one of their Championship winning players a year or so later – Paul Emson, who formed part of our “old codgers” forward line which included Keith Walwyn and Ernie Moss and Methuselah. It became evident early on that Darlington’s rapid return to the Football League couldn’t have relied very much on Emson’s contribution, ‘cus he was rubbish!

One time grumpy little Poppies title winner Mark Cooper (remember him?) is their 73^rd Manager in the past three seasons. He has been wowing the Darlington faithful this season with his witty banter and the slick one-touch passing game that has always been the hallmark of his teams.

Actor and writer Mark Gatiss (he tends to appear in such nerdy fare as Doctor Who and Sherlock) hails from Darlington. He is most famous for being only the second weirdest looking one from the “League of Gentlemen”.

Darlo’s nickname is the “Quakers”, which refers to an order of religious porridge oats that fled to the US due to persecution in England in the 17^th and 18^th centuries.

I must remember to check my hard drive....

There is an approximate ratio of 20 empty seats for every supporter at the Reynolds stadium. This is roughly equivalent to the ratio at the last Gary Glitter Christmas tour.

Finally, a couple of facts randomly thrown into the mix with the sole intention of producing half-a-bar for a certain ex-Travel Club luminary.

The first passenger rail service ever, in the WHOLE world, was between Stockton and Darlington in 1825. Oh, yeah, baby!

Stevenson’s Original No.1 Locomotive currently resides at the Darlington Railway Centre and Museum. Keep going, yeah! And you can actually touch the engine itself! I’m there baby!

Fascinating Facts about Crawley - another apology

Apparently there is someone famous from Crawley!  Former WBA and WBC World Middle Weight Champion Alan Minter was born in Crawley (thanks Brian).  To celebrate Alan's winning the title back in the 1980's here's a couple of very 1980's photographs of a young Sharron Davies.

Very flash!

Very Flashdance!

We Win At Home - Do Not Adjust Your Set

Yesterday was like an unexpected reunion with an old friend. Hello Convincing Home Win, it’s been a long time.

Since the last time we played Eastbourne in fact. We had some fun and found ourselves saying, we must do this more often. And they said, er yes, we'll get back to you on that...

Moderate Amount of Noise also made a long awaited reappearance, thanks to Paul Knowles and his motley crew who managed to generate impressive local media attention for the vocal efforts of 40 or so. Travel Club veterans may have reflected on the days when this sort of thing was taken as read, but times have changed and it needed someone to give things a re-boot.

To complete the nostalgic feel, there was a blast from the past as Paul Furlong belied his 42 years by planting a pair of sweet headers in the net. Born in October 1968, in other words when the Beatles still had another couple of albums to go and NASA were still anxiously plotting the first moon shot, PF led the line like a man 10 years younger and warmed the cockles of all those of a similar generation.

We should make the most of Furlong while we can. Not only does he bring a dash of ex Premier League class, he is also probably the last link with the 1980’s still playing at a professional level. In one of his early appearances at RR he faced Ernie Moss, whose playing career began in the 60s. And Ernie began his career in the time of the pharaohs.

And the Sale rolls on.....

"C'mon ladies - last few bargains!", cries Imraan
as a desolate Roper watched on

Serge made a surprise move to Grimsby Town this week, scuppering my selection of him as first goalscorer for us on Tuesday night in the Poppynet Prediction League.  Would have been interesting if he'd moved to Grimsby in time to play for them, and scored THEIR first goal...I might have tried to claim the points for that one.

A 3-year contract seems unusually generous, and at least 2 years and 9 months longer than it should be, but well done to the lad's agent. 

As ever, the player has moved for an "Undisclosed Fee", which, as we all know is football-speak for "Mind you own f**king business, it's going in my back pocket!"


Mind you, getting any sort of fee for Serge is decent business given his variable performances.  However, don't be surprised if the fee is in kind, and our players (whoever they are) are warming up before the game tomorrow in old Grimsby Town FC training tops!

VE Day - Victory over Eastbourne Day

We have suffered 8 defeats from our last 11 competitive fixtures.

We are 4 points off the relegation zone.

We have lost the services of over half our first team.

Prices at Rockingham Road have just risen by 50%.

Imraan is at his unpredictable "hire 'em, fire-em" worse.

Despite a few encouraging words, there is still no news on the long term future of the ground situation.

We have just two home wins this season. One the nail-biting 2-1 win against Hayes and Yeading over 3 months ago. The other a pre-season triumph over the mighty DRC Locums backroom staff.

Several of our young loanees have yet to experience the full "Rockingham Road Moan". It has been known to reduce seasoned campaigners to quivering wrecks!

We have a home game this Saturday over a team who can draw clear of the relegation zone by beating us.

If the statement "darkest before the dawn" has any truth in it, presently it is pitch black out there! This Saturday against Eastbourne is truly a must-win game. The proverbial "6-pointer".

Our makeshift team of lags and kids may have played OK during the recent run of away defeats, but Saturday's game simply has to end with a home win. Anything else will be a disaster. No pressure then!

Fascinating Facts about Grimsby

Please see the link below. 

http://patgodonline.blogspot.com/2010/11/fascinating-facts-about-grimsby.html

This is the online version of when a game is called off over Christmas and when you finally play that team in early April, you find the programme is full of Christmas cheer, and a photocopied sheet with the team list on it. 

Just as well we don't have to include a teamsheet as there is barely a couple of starters tonight from just a few weeks ago!