How in the name of God is Steve Evans still allowed to Manage?

It's bad news for the travelling Poppies faithful that Steve Evans is serving the 95th ban of his managerial career tomorrow as half the fun of playing any of his teams is the hope that you'll be present when the mouthy gobshite finally blows his main gasket and keels over for good. Harsh - certainly. Fair - definitely.

But how does the charming Mr Evans rank in a Top Five I've just thought up of Managers the average Poppies fan hates with a vengeance? Obviously he's in there, but starting at Number Five, lets look at the runners and riders -



Number Five - Martin O'Neill. No-one under the age of 35 will understand the cold, hard, hatred us older folks have for this charming, twinkly-eyed Ulsterman, who is the darling of the media and produces teams that play fresh, attractive football. But you weren't there when his oh so nice Wycombe put four past us at Rockingham Road in front of a sea of blue to effectively finish the rivalry between our two clubs. O'Neill was the up and coming new boy, full of attacking flair and ideas, whilst the Poppies had put their faith in stalwarts like "No-frills Morris" to somehow grind us into the Football League with 42 1-0 wins. Well, we know who won that duel, don't we?


Number Four - Dave Pace. Steve Evans's Manc cousin had a magic couple of years when his team of northern nonces held sway over the Poppies. This sway wasn't helped by having this globulous, gobby arse in charge, ever quick with an angry quote for the media and rude gestures to supporters. If ever a face screamed out to be put on a punchbag, Dave's face was it.



Number Three - Graham Westley. Let's see - has managed Stevenage on a couple of occasions - check. Managed the Diamonds - check. Succeeded in turning the most free scoring Poppies team in a generation into boring also-rans. 4 games in charge at Rockingham Road was 5 too many for this cocksure would-be managerial superstar. Graham, you've got to ask yourself why you're still at non-league level. Answer could be that the only person that rates Graham Westley IS Graham Westley. Mind you , I think he rates himself enough for all of us.


Number Two - Steve Evans. Self effacing, measured and conciliatory are all words and phrases that you would have to patiently explain to Evans. Not that you'd get the chance mind, as the loud-mouthed, multi-chinned, crook would scream you down and then probably eat you alive.


Number One - Brian Talbot. Another classic from the vaults. Can't be bothered to justify Talbot's number one spot. If you were there, you know why he's top of the charts. Here's a few reasons to get you going. Feel free to had the hundreds more that apply -

Big nose.

Diamonds mega-bucks.

Inarticulate to the point of imbecility.

Big nose.

Inflicted Mark English on us.

Stealing our players.

Stealing our place in the County footballing pecking order.

That bit of stupid bird shit in his hair.

Big nose.

Claiming the Diamonds budget was lower than the Poppies.

Got found out within 5 minutes of Grigg's money running out.

And did we mention that stupid, big nose?



Additional

We have been inundated with emails (well, a couple anyway) with extra anti-Talbot statements.

The first one relates to the packet of sweets he keeps about his person for certain nefarious, and as yet unproven activities which we won't go into in any great depth, except to say that he is unlikely to get a job as a lollipop person.

The second refers to his supposed "monkey heed". In all fairness, he doesn't really have a "monkey heed". This chant was created by some enterprising Geordies who happened to notice that then Sunderland Manager Peter Reid did indeed have something of a simian noggin. He could easily have got a part in the then current remake of Planet of the Apes with minimal assistance from the make-up department.

As is the nature of these kinds of chants, soon every club was using it, or a version thereof to mock opposition players, managers, and hell, why not, supporters too!

Poppies fans dutifully aimed this chant at Mr Talbot. Not that his head is particularly "monkey heeded". At least not in shape. As for the contents, I think we're on much safer ground!




Have we missed anyone out? Let us know.