By the sounds of it, the ET tonight might just as well use this as the match report.
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Northants United
For the first time in history (probably) the four senior clubs in Northamptonshire are seemingly attempting to get into the same division next season. The Cobblers are doing some sterling work to try to finally get relegated from the league, whilst Mallinger's Corby are still punching (literally at times we suspect) above their weight in BSN. Barely 30 places on the footballing ladder separate the crumbling Cobblers from the surging Stealmen.
Given our own precariously lofty position in the league we could be the team to ruin the party next season by accidentally getting promoted. Pause for derisive snort (from the writer as well as the reader!)
We will be keeping an eye on our local neighbours as the season develops just to see if this attempt at producing a county wide footballing equilibrium becomes more or less likely.
Will the Cobblers replace the floundering Sammo, or Bammo, or Whammo with someone who can actually gain them a win? Will Corby's gates fall back to double figures, prompting an early season airing of the Mallinger begging bowl? Will the Diamonds finally do the decent thing and fold? Will the Poppies suddenly realise that they are second in the table and freak out?
We'll have to wait and see.
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Update from Guy
Hi Guys.I'm sending this from my laptop in the dressing room. Just been sent off for a professional foul. "Professional" sounds pretty good doesn't it? Much better than "semi-professional".
Not sure how the game is going, but without me on the pitch I imagine most of the supporters have left anyway. Still, almost 10 games in before I got a red card - I think it's my best start to a season ever!
Anyway, I only got sent off because I carry our entire defence, as well as being a major threat from corners and set pieces! There's a lot of Guy, but I can only be spread so thin!
Must go, the lads are coming into the dressing room looking pretty glum. The gaffer's just kicked over some water bottles. Everyone seems pretty angry. Mind you, can't blame them for being angry at the ref for sending me off and ruining the game as a spectacle.
Cheers for now.
Guy XXX
Friday, 18 September 2009
How in the name of God is Steve Evans still allowed to Manage?
It's bad news for the travelling Poppies faithful that Steve Evans is serving the 95th ban of his managerial career tomorrow as half the fun of playing any of his teams is the hope that you'll be present when the mouthy gobshite finally blows his main gasket and keels over for good. Harsh - certainly. Fair - definitely.
But how does the charming Mr Evans rank in a Top Five I've just thought up of Managers the average Poppies fan hates with a vengeance? Obviously he's in there, but starting at Number Five, lets look at the runners and riders -
Number Five - Martin O'Neill. No-one under the age of 35 will understand the cold, hard, hatred us older folks have for this charming, twink
ly-eyed Ulsterman, who is the darling of the media and produces teams that play fresh, attractive football. But you weren't there when his oh so nice Wycombe put four past us at Rockingham Road in front of a sea of blue to effectively finish the rivalry between our two clubs. O'Neill was the up and coming new boy, full of attacking flair and ideas, whilst the Poppies had put their faith in stalwarts like "No-frills Morris" to somehow grind us into the Football League with 42 1-0 wins. Well, we know who won that duel, don't we?
Number Four - Dave Pace. Steve Evans's Manc cousin had a magic couple of years when his team of northern nonces held sway over the Poppies. This sway wasn't helped by having this globulous, gobby arse in charge, ever quick with an angry quote for the media and rude gestures to supporters. If ever a face screamed out to be put on a punchbag, Dave's face was it.
Number Three - Graham Westley. Let's see - has managed Stevenage on a couple of occasions - check. Managed the Diamonds - check. Succeeded in turning the most free scoring Poppies team in a generation into boring also-rans. 4 games in charge at Rockingham Road was 5 too many for this cocksure would-be managerial superstar. Graham, you've got to ask yourself why you're still at non-league level. Answer could be that the only person that rates Graham Westley IS Graham Westley. Mind you , I think he rates himself enough for all of us.
Number Two - Steve Evans. Self effacing, measured and conciliatory are all words and phrases that you would have to patiently explain to Evans. Not that you'd get the chance mind, as the loud-mouthed, multi-chinned, crook would scream you down and then probably eat you alive.
Number One - Brian Talbot. Another classic from the vaults. Can't be bothered to justify Talbot's number one spot. If you were there, you know why he's top of the charts. Here's a few reasons to get you going. Feel free to had the hundreds more that apply -
Big nose.
Diamonds mega-bucks.
Inarticulate to the point of imbecility.
Big nose.
Inflicted Mark English on us.
Stealing our players.
Stealing our place in the County footballing pecking order.
That bit of stupid bird shit in his hair.
Big nose.
Claiming the Diamonds budget was lower than the Poppies.
Got found out within 5 minutes of Grigg's money running out.
And did we mention that stupid, big nose?
Additional
We have been inundated with emails (well, a couple anyway) with extra anti-Talbot statements.
The first one relates to the packet of sweets he keeps about his person for certain nefarious, and as yet unproven activities which we won't go into in any great depth, except to say that he is unlikely to get a job as a lollipop person.
The second refers to his supposed "monkey heed". In all fairness, he doesn't really have a "monkey heed". This chant was created by some enterprising Geordies who happened to notice that then Sunderland Manager Peter Reid did indeed have something of a simian noggin. He could easily have got a part in the then current remake of Planet of the Apes with minimal assistance from the make-up department.
As is the nature of these kinds of chants, soon every club was using it, or a version thereof to mock opposition players, managers, and hell, why not, supporters too!
Poppies fans dutifully aimed this chant at Mr Talbot. Not that his head is particularly "monkey heeded". At least not in shape. As for the contents, I think we're on much safer ground!
Have we missed anyone out? Let us know.
But how does the charming Mr Evans rank in a Top Five I've just thought up of Managers the average Poppies fan hates with a vengeance? Obviously he's in there, but starting at Number Five, lets look at the runners and riders -
Number Five - Martin O'Neill. No-one under the age of 35 will understand the cold, hard, hatred us older folks have for this charming, twink
ly-eyed Ulsterman, who is the darling of the media and produces teams that play fresh, attractive football. But you weren't there when his oh so nice Wycombe put four past us at Rockingham Road in front of a sea of blue to effectively finish the rivalry between our two clubs. O'Neill was the up and coming new boy, full of attacking flair and ideas, whilst the Poppies had put their faith in stalwarts like "No-frills Morris" to somehow grind us into the Football League with 42 1-0 wins. Well, we know who won that duel, don't we?
Number Four - Dave Pace. Steve Evans's Manc cousin had a magic couple of years when his team of northern nonces held sway over the Poppies. This sway wasn't helped by having this globulous, gobby arse in charge, ever quick with an angry quote for the media and rude gestures to supporters. If ever a face screamed out to be put on a punchbag, Dave's face was it.
Number Three - Graham Westley. Let's see - has managed Stevenage on a couple of occasions - check. Managed the Diamonds - check. Succeeded in turning the most free scoring Poppies team in a generation into boring also-rans. 4 games in charge at Rockingham Road was 5 too many for this cocksure would-be managerial superstar. Graham, you've got to ask yourself why you're still at non-league level. Answer could be that the only person that rates Graham Westley IS Graham Westley. Mind you , I think he rates himself enough for all of us.
Number Two - Steve Evans. Self effacing, measured and conciliatory are all words and phrases that you would have to patiently explain to Evans. Not that you'd get the chance mind, as the loud-mouthed, multi-chinned, crook would scream you down and then probably eat you alive.
Number One - Brian Talbot. Another classic from the vaults. Can't be bothered to justify Talbot's number one spot. If you were there, you know why he's top of the charts. Here's a few reasons to get you going. Feel free to had the hundreds more that apply -
Big nose.
Diamonds mega-bucks.
Inarticulate to the point of imbecility.
Big nose.
Inflicted Mark English on us.
Stealing our players.
Stealing our place in the County footballing pecking order.
That bit of stupid bird shit in his hair.
Big nose.
Claiming the Diamonds budget was lower than the Poppies.
Got found out within 5 minutes of Grigg's money running out.
And did we mention that stupid, big nose?
Additional
We have been inundated with emails (well, a couple anyway) with extra anti-Talbot statements.
The first one relates to the packet of sweets he keeps about his person for certain nefarious, and as yet unproven activities which we won't go into in any great depth, except to say that he is unlikely to get a job as a lollipop person.
The second refers to his supposed "monkey heed". In all fairness, he doesn't really have a "monkey heed". This chant was created by some enterprising Geordies who happened to notice that then Sunderland Manager Peter Reid did indeed have something of a simian noggin. He could easily have got a part in the then current remake of Planet of the Apes with minimal assistance from the make-up department.
As is the nature of these kinds of chants, soon every club was using it, or a version thereof to mock opposition players, managers, and hell, why not, supporters too!
Poppies fans dutifully aimed this chant at Mr Talbot. Not that his head is particularly "monkey heeded". At least not in shape. As for the contents, I think we're on much safer ground!
Have we missed anyone out? Let us know.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
The Gang's All Here!
Lorne Cheetham - creator of PATGOD twenty years ago has finally caught up with us, and not, as we originally expected, to sue us for using the title he himself borrowed from Syd Barrett.
"Alright...I've got a whole box of old PATGODs. Are they worth anything yet? I have issue number one also! I knew it would never take off! And here we are 20 years down the road, and we're still tickling those gates of dawn. Up the Poppies. XX Lorne."
Sorry Lorne, I think you are being a bit hopeful as to the worth of PATGOD back issues. If you're lucky you might just get the cover price were you to sell them on. However, given that early doors the cover price was "FREE", I don't think you've got quite the nest egg you'd hoped for !
Best put them back in the loft and maybe the great-great grandchildren may be able to sell them and buy a jetpack or an antique Blue Ray DVD player.
"Alright...I've got a whole box of old PATGODs. Are they worth anything yet? I have issue number one also! I knew it would never take off! And here we are 20 years down the road, and we're still tickling those gates of dawn. Up the Poppies. XX Lorne."
Sorry Lorne, I think you are being a bit hopeful as to the worth of PATGOD back issues. If you're lucky you might just get the cover price were you to sell them on. However, given that early doors the cover price was "FREE", I don't think you've got quite the nest egg you'd hoped for !
Best put them back in the loft and maybe the great-great grandchildren may be able to sell them and buy a jetpack or an antique Blue Ray DVD player.
Twitter Ye Not
Am I alone in getting a little tired already about reading about what such and such a player is saying on Facebook?
Is this really the future - a world where every disgruntled squad member sounds off to their select circle of 300 "friends" in apparent disregard of the fact that anything remotely newsworthy will be posted on Poppynet?
Do the nation's keyboard warriors really need yet another excuse to trawl the web endlessly?
(Answers: yes, yes and yes I fear)
Let's start with Facebook - the electronic diary for the sort of people who never kept proper diaries. Feeling happy? Feeling sad? Missed the bus? Been for a dump? Update your Facebook entry. Pointless but harmless - most of the time, but not if the comments have the potential to embarrass, offend or otherwise cause damage.
Yes footballers are normal people too (we'll discount Branston, whose Facebook entries were in any case so garbled, only a skilled interpreter equipped with an Enigma decoder could make sense of them). But if they are employees of KTFC and post negative comment on club affairs it can only be disruptive, coming as it does from inside the dressing room where team spirit is paramount.
Plus they usually come across as a bit thick and we like to think of our players as perfect in every way.
Is this really the future - a world where every disgruntled squad member sounds off to their select circle of 300 "friends" in apparent disregard of the fact that anything remotely newsworthy will be posted on Poppynet?
Do the nation's keyboard warriors really need yet another excuse to trawl the web endlessly?
(Answers: yes, yes and yes I fear)
Let's start with Facebook - the electronic diary for the sort of people who never kept proper diaries. Feeling happy? Feeling sad? Missed the bus? Been for a dump? Update your Facebook entry. Pointless but harmless - most of the time, but not if the comments have the potential to embarrass, offend or otherwise cause damage.
Yes footballers are normal people too (we'll discount Branston, whose Facebook entries were in any case so garbled, only a skilled interpreter equipped with an Enigma decoder could make sense of them). But if they are employees of KTFC and post negative comment on club affairs it can only be disruptive, coming as it does from inside the dressing room where team spirit is paramount.
Plus they usually come across as a bit thick and we like to think of our players as perfect in every way.
Friday, 11 September 2009
So Long Sedds
And so Patgod's second favourite Gareth rides off after little more than 12 months. In the ever dynamic nature of things, last season's top scorer quickly became this season's early departure and we wish him well on his return oop north.
Not many players leave the club on such a wave of goodwill and the reason for that pure and simple is that Gareth Seddon always gave his best in a Poppies shirt. Sure he had his limitations - not the world's quickest or best in the air, and a frustrating tendency to stray offside - but he clocked up many miles chasing lost causes and was always someone you hoped the ball would fall to in case he came up with something special. Best of all perhaps was the instant smash from 20 yards that put us ahead in the Notts County replay, with the cool finish against Eastwood earning Gareth another slice of local history.
But for all his virtues the feeling persisted that Gareth was not the spearhead to take us to another level, so the Fleetwood move is probably good business for all concerned. In their one cameo appearance together, we saw Gareth alongside Moses and in terms of pure ability and eye for goal there was only one winner. Whether Moses can match Gareth in attitude or last even half a season will be interesting to see.
Not many players leave the club on such a wave of goodwill and the reason for that pure and simple is that Gareth Seddon always gave his best in a Poppies shirt. Sure he had his limitations - not the world's quickest or best in the air, and a frustrating tendency to stray offside - but he clocked up many miles chasing lost causes and was always someone you hoped the ball would fall to in case he came up with something special. Best of all perhaps was the instant smash from 20 yards that put us ahead in the Notts County replay, with the cool finish against Eastwood earning Gareth another slice of local history.
But for all his virtues the feeling persisted that Gareth was not the spearhead to take us to another level, so the Fleetwood move is probably good business for all concerned. In their one cameo appearance together, we saw Gareth alongside Moses and in terms of pure ability and eye for goal there was only one winner. Whether Moses can match Gareth in attitude or last even half a season will be interesting to see.
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