l.3.10PM
Adam Cunnington and Fernando Torres both line up for their teams today, intent on trying to lose their cherries.
Cunnington should be favourite to notch first as he is starting his game, whilst Torres is on the bench at Stamford Bridge. However, this is balanced by the fact the Torres is only up against Wigan!
3.15
Cunnington gets a touch!
3.20
Torres has a jog down the side of the pitch and adjusts alice-band.
3.25
Cunnington watches on as Barrow have a couple of corners. Then gives away a free kick.
3.30
Cunnington almost earns a corner. So far today Torres has earned £25,000.
3.35
Cunnington gets ball in the face! Watches as Mills has a shot.
3.40
Cunnington clears left nostril. And then right one. At Stamford Bridge Torres takes a sip of water.
3.45
Ref tells off Cunnington for constant fouling. Cunnington shakes head.
3.50
Half time. Cunnington settles down to a cup of tea in a cracked mug, and half a slice of orange. Torres helps himself to a quick massage from his personal masseur, whilst taking onboard an isotonic meal/drink designed specifically for him by bio-technic chemists in Zurich.
4.10
Cunnington on hand as we win a throw-in.
4.15
Barrow score with first shot of the game. Cunnington needs to dig deep to help us back into this one! Torres warms up again and signs a couple of autographs.
Barrow score again, as the Poppies start to think about their summer holidays. Cunnington hat-trick needed now!
4.20
Torres is on! Meanwhile at Barrow the two quick goals seem to have deflated the Poppies. Even Cunnington's efforts may not be enough to get us anything today.
4.25
Poppies let third goal in. Must assume half the team have put on their beach sandals on for the second half. Torres beats Cunnington to the punch by actually having a shot!
4.30
Barrow look to not only help their survival chances, but boost their goal difference. Chelsea score, but not through Torres. He did, however, win the free kick they scored from....
4.35
Cunnington substitued in favour of the equally prolific Sol Davis. Torres now has the whip hand for the last 15 minutes.
4.40
Cunnington warms down. Aims a kick at a water bottle. Misses.
4.45
0-4 to previously relegation haunted Barrow. Anything less than an hour's bollocking from Law after the game will be a travesty. It's a good job the players wages were found, or we may have missed out on this thrashing.....
Torres has heard that Cunnington has been withdrawn and relaxes, knowing the tussle will in all likelihood carry on to another Saturday.
4.50
As the 5th Barrow goal flies in, their management respectfully ask Poppies bench if they can play us every week.
Full time whistle goes. The ref stops the contest as one of the combatants cannot protect itself anymore. Poppies team look to get to the beach for an hour before catching the coach home.
Any Kettering fans going to risk going to Wrexham after this?
4.55
Torres takes applause of the fans as Chelsea win. Another 30 minutes without a goal. He'll ponder that as he drives his Porsche up west for an evening's hard partying.
Cunnington tries to get on the team coach. Misses.