Patbot?

So I decided to take a look at ChatGPT, and the first task I set it was:

"Write a poem about Kettering Town Football Club”  

Within literally five seconds, this spooled out: 

In the town of Kettering, where passions ignite, 
There’s a club that brings joy, in red and white. 
Kettering Town, a football team of might, 
Their spirit unyielding, shining so bright.

On Rockingham Road, where legends were born,
The Poppies took flight, with dreams to adorn.
Through highs and lows, they’ve weathered each storm,
United in purpose, a community sworn.

From humble beginnings, they’ve climbed with desire,
Through victories and setbacks, they never tire.
With fervent supporters, their hearts set on fire,
In the stands, their cheers reach higher and higher.
 
The hallowed ground echoes with roars of the crowd,
As warriors in red stand tall and proud.
Their boots on the pitch, they play with a shroud,
A dance of skill and grit, where legends are ploughed.
 
Through seasons of battles, both fierce and tough,
Kettering Town’s legacy, forever enough.
With loyal fans, whose faith never snuffs,
Their love for their club, unwavering and gruff.

Oh, Kettering Town, you shine like a star,
Guiding the dreams of those near and far.
Through thick and thin, you’ve come so far,
A beacon of hope, for all that you are.
 
So let the anthem of the Poppies resound,
In Kettering’s heart, forever renowned.
For Kettering Town, we’ll forever be bound,
In victory and defeat, our love knows no ground. 

My first reaction, obviously apart from noting the laboured rhyming structure, was – this is it, we’re doomed!   The machines are taking over!  If a bot can write that in the blink of an eye, how long before we’re hiding from killer androids in the smoking ruins of human civilisation? 

But then, should we be so worried?  On closer analysis, the composition is riddled with factual errors. We don’t play in red and white any more, Rockingham Road is long gone, and as for “loyal fans, whose faith never snuffs”, doesn’t ChatGPT read KTFC Chat?  And no mention at all of the pitch.

If AI can get it that wrong, there’s hope for humankind yet.  But best stock up on ammo and tinned food, just in case.  

I'm afraid I can't let you criticise my poetry, Dave

Smelling the Coffee

If I took three points away from last night's Fans Forum hosted by the newly assembled Management Committee, they would be these - 

One - We're going to experience a cold dose of financial reality

Two - It's comforting the club is currently being run by people who are first and foremost Poppies supporters

Three - If we are ever lucky enough to have another owner / chairman / benefactor half as good as Ritchie again perhaps we shouldn't spend quite so much time trying to push him out of the club

It's clear we are going to be living hand-to-mouth for the foreseeable future.  Even though we've travelled many miles down the path of potential oblivion due to our financial shennanigans we still have far too many supporters who believe we are a big noise in football and who's idea of footballing mathematics looks a little like this -

700 people x £15 every fortnight, divided by 16 players and a manager = Over £300 each.  Plenty to stay in NLN or piss the Southern League.  Add to that bar takings and FA Cup runs and we're rolling in money.  Happy Days.

Hopefully last night has given us all a bit of a wake-up call.  Yes, we can still have a competitive football club.  But without a backer the onus falls on us, ALL OF US to help and contribute more.  To show exactly how much we actually want a football club.  Alternatively, we could sit at home and wait for the next benevolent millionaire owner to make Ritchie an offer he can't refuse.  Or, perhaps while we await this impending saviour, we can see what we can do to help our own club.  On the night the suggestion that entrance fees are likely to remain the same next season, while not cheered to the rafters was understood and broadly agreed with.  The club has bills to pay.  Lots of them.

Most in the room seemed glad that the whole farce of "Frenchies Field" was given short shrift by the Management Committee.  The idea we might end up playing on an inaccessible patch of unprovisioned waste ground seemed to have been kicked into touch at long last.  The tatty scrubland's only claims to fame are that it is, if you squint hard enough, in Kettering (kind of) and a full half a mile closer to my house than Latimer Park.

Unsurprisingly the same Social Media Big Noises who helped Ritchie decide being Chairman of the Poppies wasn't worth the grief were (A) not at the meeting, and (B) sat on their phones post-meeting, moaning about the cost of the games they were going to pick and choose attending next season and questioned why the club wasn't still rushing full tilt at building them a new ground.

Believe me, you'll thank me when you turn on "Twitter"

What If The Worse Happens? Part 4

Possible THE worse thing has happened today.  Worse even than relegation.  With immediate effect Chairman / Owner Ritchie Jeune has quit the Poppies.  No new owner or Chairman is in place.  He has simply walked away.

Online Poppies Numpties Get Their Way

The Club Statement makes one thing starkly clear -

Ritchie's leaving is in no small part down to the handful of mouthy pricks who shoot the odds on Poppies Chat.  He repeatedly mentions the "fan-base" looking for new ownership. And I'm damn sure he's not talking about the 99.5% who are fully behind him.  You know who he's referring to.  They know who they are.  They are the ones who lambast anyone for daring to recall how close and how often we have come to folding, and then accuse anyone who does recall of somehow holding the club back and living in the past.

It goes without saying that most of these dicks are keeping their heads down at the moment.  Hopefully even they must realise what a seismic loss this is?  At least I hope so.  Perhaps they are too busy blowing Carl Stairs to notice?

But what annoys me almost as much as what this small group of arseholes have contributed towards is the fact Ritchie could NEVER resist engaging with them.  Ritchie spent far too much time trying to deal rationally with, at most, a dozen part-time supporters, wallowing in their entitled discontent.  Loving the sound of their own voices as they stoked each other to a frenzy of self-righteous disgruntlement in their online echo-chamber.  They have NO idea of how football clubs work or are run.  They sit at home, watching Champions League games on Poppies matchdays, loudly wondering why Ritchie wasn't funding this or that.  Wondering why Frenchie's Field wasn't happening.  Wondering why numerous Hollywood stars aren't descending on NN16.

Why Ritchie couldn't stop himself from engaging with their repeated gripe-fests is a mystery to all.  He's a bright bloke.  A hard-nosed businessman.  And yet, he couldn't stop arguing with a literal handful of no-marks who's knowledge of running a football club begins and ends with playing FIFA '22 on their Playstations.  Over the years they seem to have worn down Ritchie's enthusiasm to such a level he probably associates all of us with these dickwads.  And now we are going to pay the price.

Undoubtedly the numerous volunteers at the club are busy dividing between them the necessary tasks to keep the club afloat.  But the optimistic hope of bouncing straight back to NLN are well and truly on hold.  Entirely reliant on our supporter-base to sustain us we are going to be lucky to still be playing at all in 12-months.

"First question Ritchie, does Imraan or George Rolls
have first dibs on the club now....?"