Thursday, 18 March 2021

Voicing the questions "Poppies Voice" won't voice.

There's a reason why those of us who blog about a subject rarely engage directly with the subject.  We've written about the Poppies for the thick-end of four decades but have almost never used Patgod to interact directly with the Poppies.  Sure, we've used this vehicle to raise Poppies-related points and float questions, but hardly ever aimed specific questions at specific KTFC employees.  Partly because we feel it's more our role to speak AS fans rather than speak TO the powers that be.  And partly because, although now well into middle-age we still get a bit frit engaging with the professional Poppies blazer wearers!

But, the main reason we don't engage directly is that we're not very good at it.  Take the "Poppies Voice" initiative.  Poppies fans invited to ask any question of the good and great at the club.  Numbers of supporters have written in with very good queries, which the club have mostly answered.

Questions asked included the future direction of work at Frenchies Field.  Player contracts in light of the past two, unfinished seasons.  Work on the problematic surface at LP, and thoughts about an artificial pitch.  All good questions whose answers move us forward as a supporter body.  Unfortunately, as hard as I scratched my head, when actually asked to come up with a relevant Poppies-question all I could come up with....

.....will the next Poppies shirts come with a round or "V" neck.  This may seem like a pretty pointless question in the grand scheme, but bear with me.  With middle age showing every likelihood of not abating any time soon, one needs to consider how one's both flabby AND wrinkly neck might project from the next Poppies home shirt.  A "V" neck, while comfy to wear shows off the full length and breadth of ones jowly waddle.  A round neck, if on the snug size can push the wobbly turkeyness front and centre whenever one isn't determinedly gritting one's jaw.

A perfect solution would be for a roll-neck football shirt of a type that might have been acceptable over a hundred years ago.  I'd buy it.  So what if our players would regularly overheat and performances suffer.  I'D look better. 

In the unlikely event this idea to disguise my waning youth fails to find favour with Ritchie et al, a middle path might be to have a rounded collar with a looser neck, or a "V" neck with a slightly tighter fit.  Are these options that can be discussed before new shirts are shipped on the usual slow boat from China?  

Or are last seasons shirts going to be reused?  After barely a handful of games I'm sure they have a little more wear in them.  Sure, the BM pallets advert might need unpicking, but, still.....

All of which sartorial nonsense reminds me again why we don't often engage directly with the club.


"Does my neck look young in this?"


Wednesday, 3 March 2021

How to make everyone happy....

 Let's face it - National League North and South divisions are in uproar.  They narrowly voted to scrub this season and try again next year.  You'd have thought that would have been the end of the matter.  And it would have been were it not for a handful of clubs who are happy to get themselves and others in hock over the outside chance of squeezing themselves up into the top division.  F*ck everyone else.  F*ck Covid.  F*ck potential crippling debt.

It has all got a bit heated on social media as everyone has had their say.  Curiously the vast majority of supporters follow the lead of their clubs.  For example you don't find many Kettering fans happy about the club risking going bust just so Boston can try to get themselves back to the top table after decades away.  Equally you don't get many York City fans seeing the big picture of clubs going bust and millions dying during a pandemic.  Not when their club has an outside sniff of promotion.

Anyway, in the pursuance of a fair and even handed approach to making everyone happy, we've come up with the perfect answer.  The 2021-22 season simply has to commence thus: -

The National League 2021-22

Aldershot

Altrincham

Barnet

Borehamwood

Bromley

Chesterfield

Dagenham

Dover

Eastleigh

Halifax

Hartlepool

Kings Lynn

Maidenhead

Notts County

Solihull Moors

Stockport

Torquay

Wealdstone

Weymouth

Woking

Wrexham

Yeovil

AFC Fylde

Brackley 

Boston

Chorley

Gloucester City

Kidderminster

York

Chelmsford

Concord 

Dartford

Dorking

Eastbourne

Ebbsfleet

Havant

Hemel Hempstead 

Hungerford

Oxford City

St Albans

Welling


OK, with 42 teams in it, it does make the National League's top division larger than most.  But, at least, it will give the sulky bastards who are utterly desperate to risk life, limb and financial survival the only thing that matters.  Promotion.

If the League Board believe 42 teams is too unwieldy and that, at 11 months, the season might take a bit longer to complete than normal I'm sure Boston or York wouldn't mind being promoted further, leap-frogging back into the Football League itself.

After all, at the end of the day this is what all the #letusplay nonsense is all about.  Boston want to get back into the Football League they were ejected from because of that pesky, entirely proven fraud.  York, for their part still can't quite get their heads around the fact they have been so unremittingly rubbish over the past half dozen years and genuinely believe they are still in League Two anyway.



Happier more fraudulent days, eh, Boston....?