"And Another One Gone, Another One Gone...."

As our cost cutting exercise continues and Christie has been moved out to Nuneaton Town it struck me that this meant we'd hear no more renditions of, "He used to be shite, but now he's alright..."  - possibly one of the crueler songs aimed at one of our own.

Was he previously "shite"?  I thought he did OK for us the first time around.  Mind you, back then when Imraan was throwing the cash around, and Christie was surrounded by the likes of JP, Westcarr, Beardsley, and Seddon, we probably assumed we would replace him with another highly-paid star.  Unlike today when he would be lining up with whoever we could prise from UCL obscurity.

The last we'll see of the tighest
pair of shorts in football - until
he comes back for his next spell!

Christie himself didn't think he'd been "shite".  Whilst being interviewed on the radio straight after the Diamonds win (still pleasant to type!) Christie was asked his reaction to his new song.  In a "little-boy-lost" voice he answered, "...I thought I did OK back then.  I scored some goals....".  Presumably moments later he started crying and hugging his comfort blanket. 

This incident made me think of the number of times we supporters have thought up hurtful songs about our players.

I mean, do we have any actual physical evidence that JP smokes marijuana?  Sure, he sometimes floats around the pitch in a bit of a daze, but I can't recall him ever crashing into Snappy-Snaps, or getting an attack of the munchies during a match.

Likewise, was Dougie Keast actually a "thug"?  Sure, he put himself about in our late 80's / early 90's midfield, but I suspect the epithet of thug was used simply because it rhymed with Doug....  His song could just as easily have been, "Keast, Keast - Keast the beast", although, it would hardly have been an improvement!

We know that Johnny Dempster is a red.  For better or worse, Craw£ey play in the same colour as us.  But do we know for certain that he "hates Diamonds" or does he perhaps have a soft spot for a club that gave him his break into football?  I know which answer I hope is right, but can we ever be sure?

Not all songs are abusive in nature.  In the early 90's the Poppies faithful strove to be as helpful as possible to the away supporter or the neutral in the crowd when identifying our players.  Our strike force of Alford and Arnold each had a highly descriptive chant.  Alford's declared that he was, "six foot two, eyes of blue", (the most beautiful shade of blue, just like drowning in a warm ocean....ahem) whilst his partner was helpfully described as, "Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian Arnold with no hair". 

Even the most casual observer would have been able to tell which player was which from these descriptions.  Lest us forget, there were no names on the backs of shirts back then!

Who knows.....

"I honestly can't think of any more excuses,
we were just crap!" Justin finally comes clean.

....now the Poppies are only three points behind the Scum, who are also about to have a points deduction, maybe, just maybe, Radio Northampton will stop desperately talking up the Direones' infinitesimal play-off chances?

Or maybe to keep the Direones-loving public engaged, Radio Northampton's new angle will be about Justin Edinburgh's team gallantly battling against the drop?

Tune in to find out!

Fascinating Facts about Eastbourne

Eastbourne has been unfairly labelled as "God's Waiting Room" due to the age of its inhabitants.  Since when was an average age of 102 considered "old?"  100 is the new 70 don't you know!

Becky Mantin - nice!  If you thought we'd include
a photograph of Michael Fish here, you really
haven't been paying attention as to how this blog works!

The most famous native of Eastbourne is weatherman Michael Fish who will always be remembered for calling just ONE storm incorrectly.  Thousands of other correct forecasts were instantly forgotten just because he got this one wrong.  People are so fickle!

Local point of interest is Beachy Head, which at 162 metres high is the highest chalk cliff in Britain.  Having stood on top of it I can personally attest to the awesome height of the cliff, and can fully understand how it has a 100% success rate when it comes to suicide attempts!

A few notable students have attended college in Eastbourne over the years including Aleister Crowley, George Mallory and Eddie Izzard.  No clues as to which one is which, but......

One of these men was an infamous occultist tagged, "The wickedest man in the World", which was a bit harsh as both Hitler, Stalin and Walt Disney were in their pomp at the time!

One of the other men may have been the first person to climb Everest.  Unfortunately, we will never know if he made it all the way because he died during his expedition in the 1920's, only for his perfectly preserved rump to be discovered near the top of the mountain some 70-odd years later.  Not the most dignified position to be left in.

And the last one of the three is a painfully unfunny cross-dressing comic who will be best remembered for running 40 odd marathons in as many days for charidy.  Next time, just sit in a bath of beans - it's quicker, infinitely less painful and at the end of the day you've still got plenty of baked beans for your tea.

Belated update from Guy

Hi everyone!

"A yellow card for taking my
shirt off?  The world's
gone mad!"

Just thought I'd drop you a quick line to let you know how fabulous I am I'm getting on on the English riviera.

Things couldn't be going better at the moment.  I'm leading my team (almost single handedly) towards promotion from League Two.  Couple more years and I'll be up in the Premiership where I belong!

Perhaps you've heard about my recent goal rush?  Have a butchers at the last thirty seconds of this -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_div_3/9430869.stm

Now, THAT'S what I was trying to do all those times with X's crap throws, when I just ended up fouling the opposition or nodding out for goal kicks!

Anyway, best of luck with whatever league you're in.


Guy.

Goal drought rumbles on for top strikers



Cunnington - a kinda
goofy-looking photograph



Two big cash signings that raised eyebrows across the footballing world. 



Torres pondered long and hard before
putting pen to paper on his
Chelsea contract



Two teams with expectant fans who demand nothing but continued success and trophies.

Two attention-seeking, egocentric Chairmen desperate for glory.

Two players looking dangerously not up to the standard expected.

Two players who look like they couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo.  Even if the banjo was really, really big, and the cow's arse had a neon sign saying, "Hit me here!"

Which one of these players will blink first and actually score?

Assuming one of them ever will.....



Radio Northamptonshire Strike Again

"I do like a bit of Gash!"

At the start of the season we contacted Radio Northampton over their seeming bias towards covering the Scum on their online commentary.  Why, for example were the Poppies away trips not being covered, rather than the Direones at Non Park.  Head honcho Geoff Doyle conceded that although they tried to cover whichever Blue Square game wasn't being broadcast by another station, it was, perhaps not the best use of their public broadcast mandate to cover a home team, where theoretically all the potential listeners would be at the game.

We thought this would mean that they would look to cover whichever of us and the Scum were on our travels.

You can't have failed to notice though the continued enormous slant towards covering the barely mid-table progression of Justin's team of evil nonces.

On the same day Radio Cumbria are sending people to cover Barrow's away game at Eastbourne, RN were faced with following us down to Hayes, or settling into the Radio Northampton suite at Non Park.  You'll never guessed which they plumped for.....

It wouldn't be so bad, but the few times they do rip themselves away from Edinburgh's ever-available teat, RN use a Direones fan to report on us!

Sorry Radio Northampton - this is simply not good enough!

We have sent an email to RN, asking if they would care to comment, and tell us exactly how many times they have covered both us and the Direones this season.  We will report back if they deign to give us this information (and it proves our point....!)

Fascinating Facts about Hayes & Yeading



Seymour?  Yes please!



Famous footballing nutter Glenn Hoddle comes from Hayes.  Or possibly Mars.  Certainly spoke from Uranus.

Feisty "Dr Quinn" and Bond beauty Jane Seymour is another Haysian who did good.  i.e., she left.

There is also the delicious rumour that Buster Bloodvessel lives on a canal boat in Hayes (presumably on the water...)  If that doesn't scare off the ducks, nothing will!

And that's it as far as Hayes is concerned.  As for Yeading, just think of Hayes, minus the glittering array of famous ex-pats.

The only on-line reference to Yeading concerns Yeading FC, who don't even exist anymore.