Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Pay It Again Sam

Sam Allardyce – where to begin? How about this.  At the National Football Museum there was a display of autographs.  Amid all the squiggles and indecipherable signatures, one stood out in clear print. ‘Big Sam’.  The self styled big cheese, who even took the trouble to invent his own nickname (fact) and presumably even signs birthday cards that way.

Big Sam the big time manager who mystifyingly never had a big job or won even a little trophy until his sheer ambition and self belief landed him the England gig, at a time when suddenly anything was possible, even a quiz show buffoon becoming Foreign Secretary.  

And not just that, in the Telegraph video he clearly thought he was a big shot businessman too, nailing down a £400k deal in the Far East whilst bragging about his connections to impress the audience.  For the undercover journos this must have been laughably easy: just dangle talk of an easy payday under his slavering chops and press play. 

Among all the tawdry details it was also quite revealing when the conversation briefly turned to the England job.  Asked who the next opponents were, Sam correctly recalled that first up it was Malta, then “Slovenia or something”. Exactly the sort of attention to detail and preparation that £3m a year buys you.  Combine that with allowing the fading talisman Rooney to decide where he wants to play and it’s easy to conclude that Allardyce saw this role as a cushy reward for all his years of trying to squeeze Premier League survival out of limited resources. 

Well now of course he has even more time on his hands to pursue business opportunities, though he might find that the fees have shrunk. And I look forward, after maybe a brief interval, to him popping up on the ITV sofa next to Hoddle or some other bushed flush, giving us the benefit of his insight from all 93 minutes of that brief but memorable international career.   
Now available on eBay

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Off with their heads!

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a person in possession of a good majority on Kettering Borough Council must be in want of screwing over Kettering Town Football Club.

No matter the colour of rosette, or any previous held views on the Poppies, having a "kettering.gov" email address turns even the most even-handed public official into a Poppies-hater.  Add to this, the trough-snufflers the council employ all fear that KTFC exist solely to empty the Council's coffers into funding a promotion push.


But why has this schism between Council and Club become so marked?  Even the most cursory look at how other local councils in Northamptonshire interact with their premier football clubs throws into the starkest relief how badly our council treats us.  They are happy to throw funds at f*cking volleyball and help support just about any other cause in the Borough, but the merest mention of the Poppies has them pleading poverty.  


Not only that, but they have also seemed to actively try to destroy us.  Remember when they blocked any chance of us moving to Cohen's Yard because of the poor access, only to then turn around and fund new traffic access to the site when they thought they could make money from the site.  A site that, several years later, despite being well-appointed is home only to empty dead-end dirt roads and head-high stinging nettles.  Or the time they tried to highjack the club's proposed deal with Asda to get new council offices built for them free of charge?  Not only did they f*ck the Poppies up, they managed to b@llocks up their own plan too.


This hate is all the more puzzling in light of the fact THE CLUB HAVE NEVER ASKED THE COUNCIL FOR ANY MONEY.  Whilst Northampton and Corby Councils can't write cheques quick enough to help the teams that share their name, our council wouldn't even politely ask the Pickerings to consider allowing us to bid for Rockingham Road should they ever try to sell it again!  Our council build wall after wall of legalese crap to justify thwarting our very existence.  


Well, that all ends this Wednesday when we march on Bowling Green Road and torch the place and put all the councillor's heads on spikes peacefully hand over a petition.


Under an alphabet soup of initials a C.I.C are looking for an A.C.V. on R.R. from K.B.C. P.D.Q.  There's nothing more certain than the council successfully wriggling out from any responsibility, and happily letting Rockingham Road fester and overgrow for the rest of time, but letting them know our frustration and eye-balling our elected officials as they glibly dismiss us will be worth it.


I hold out few hopes of success for this endeavour but happily applaud the efforts of Poppies fans who have stood up and actually done something, rather than sit at home mewling fearfully about daring to challenge the council on this matter.  Forgetting the important fact that WE employ council officers and WE elect our councillors.  They damn well should listen to the people they are supposed to serve!


“People shouldn't be afraid of their Council.  KBC should be afraid of their people.” 


And now I've managed to misquote both Jane Austen and Alan Moore in one blog, it's time to sign off with an amusing image.



"See you next Wednesday" 

Monday, 19 September 2016

Bloody Cockneys, stealing OUR Jobs!

The world seems to be aghast that some PRETEND dozy mare is moving from PRETEND Walford to Kettering (but obviously, NOT REALLY, IT'S A F*CKING TV PROGRAMME!)


Sonia is waxing lyrical about a dream job in in our fair town, dropping the "K-Bomb" every thirty seconds or so.  To universal derision.  But, Kettering - why?

Why not?  Kettering has far lower rates of murder, attempted murder, rape, battery, GBH, ABH, arson, teenage pregnancy, gangland kneecapping, dropped 'aitches, and re-casting of parts than any area of East London, real or fake.

So what if Sonia wants to follow here dream of a better life in Northamptonshire?  Good on her, I say.

Mind you, she should be made aware that Kettering is in the real world unlike Walford.  A London Borough where anyone can own and run a £450,00 3-bed house, based on a couple of afternoons selling fruit and veg on the market and covering the odd shift at the cafe.  This also includes, "going up West" five times a week and then disappearing to Spain for a fortnight's holiday every few months.  She'd be lucky to wangle the occasional weekend at Skeggy when she lands in Kettering!

And, does Sonia know that her little brother, Craig Hill has left the Poppies, meaning she can't bunk down with him now?

DUM,
DUM,
DUM-DUM-DUM, DUM-DUM-DUM!!!


"Coming.... 


......and going!" 




Friday, 16 September 2016

Un-Social Media

What has become of us Poppies fans?  We have always been a reactionary, miserable bunch of moaning bastards.  It was part of our charm (!)  We grizzled through 90 minutes of football and either gave a muted cheer at a positive result of a muted "hurrumph" at a negative one, followed by the obligatory, "Shent goo agen!"  Then we would turn up the following game and go through it all again.

It seems that easy and ready access to social media has turned sections of our support from grumbly-guts into something far more distasteful.

With the lamented departure from the scene of Poppynet, the only remaining online outlets for a Poppies fan eager to make sure everyone is fully aware of their important opinion are the KTFC Chat Facebook Page, and the KTFC Forum.  We all know that in the real world all us Poppies fans are as normal, well adjusted and reasonable as anyone else.  Pretty much.  So what is it that makes elements of our number temporarily lose it when posting on social media?

Some of the recent personal abuse on the Facebook / Twitter pages has been breaktaking.  Actual football matters and results don't seem to be a major factor in some of the hate being liberally thrown around.  Leaving aside the ease of safely posting vicious poison from the comfort of your own man-pad, there does seem to be a distinct escalation in some of the ranting fury on show.  Small elements of the fanbase seem unhappy with pretty much everything in Poppyland.  Not so much "glass half full", as "glass half full of sh*t".  By way of an example, our admittedly poor home record thus far is rarely balanced with our sparkling away form.

A day rarely goes by without further ranting about the missing Centre Back who will single-handedly win us the title and give us all far more fulfilling lives.  It is always nice to have the best possible footballers, playing for us in all the positions on the field.  Leaving aside the fact that just because we WANT a player, we automatically GET a player, which footballer in their right mind look to fill this position?  Looking at the kind of player being demanded, he will need to be good in the air, positionally aware, quick over the ground, vocal and a natural born leader.  Oh, and despite all these virtues, he needs to be, somehow, between clubs and not break the bank.  Ah well, that rules out building a time machine and plucking a 22-year old Bobby Moore out of the past.

The KTFC Fredum has also had spells when it has been almost overwhelmed by a single poster who is like a dog with a particularly tasty bone about whichever issue they are fixated upon on any given day.  Someone who can't quite differentiate between debate / difference of opinion with soul-sapping repetition.  All while achieving the surprising feat of being simultaneously thick and thin skinned at the same time!

If only the football at Latimer Park was half as spicy as the discussion surrounding it, we would be in for some seriously sumptuous Saturdays!


"All play and no wins makes Jack an angry boy.
All 
play and no wins makes Jack an angry boy.
All 
play and no wins makes Jack an angry boy...."

Thursday, 8 September 2016

..and for anyone just joining us....


.....Poppies fandom presently looks like this -


Poppies lose, we want the Manager gone

Poppies win, the Manager is a tactical genius, but, deep down, we want him gone

Fred doesn't want Poppies fans to embarrass the Council over Rockingham Road (as if anything could!)  He really, REALLY doesn't.  It would be unfair to suggest the only remaining Poppies forum is going around in turgid, navel-gazing, Fred-centric circles, but the last thing on there was a THREAD, called FRED, started by FRED and will no doubt be ended by FRED, all about FRED.


And really, that's about it.  

"Yabba - dabba - DON'T!!!"


Saturday, 3 September 2016

Zero to Hero at Leek Town

...AGH!  


Aaron O'Connor has missed a penalty in the 86th minute!  What a useless cun......


......gratulations to Aaron for hitting a 90th minute winner!

Thursday, 1 September 2016

How Well Do You Know Your Transfer Window?

Which of these didn’t happen?
a) Chelsea re-signed a former player for £34m
b) Man Utd re-signed a former player for £89m
c) Man City put £100m into a rocket and fired it into space

Which of these major summer signings is not a real name?
a)  Gabriel Jesus         
b)  Sven Kums
c)  Dildo Billabong

What was Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s main item of personal terms?
a) a gold plated toilet
b) a 50ft marble statue of himself
c) ‘I played with Zlatan#legend’ to be tattooed on every squad member
d)  all of the above

What does Joey Barton bring to Rangers?
a) midfield know how
b) expertise in starting a fight in an empty room
c) flute playing skills

If John Stones is worth £47m, what would Bobby Moore’s value be?
a) £100m
b) £200m
c) about the same, bearing in mind he died in 1993

What did Jack Wilshere wake up to this morning?
a) a rapturous welcome from the Bournemouth fans
b) a series of disbelieving texts
c) a very damp pillow

Pinch me, someone