Kettering man doesn't blow it shock!

 

Brackley to make approach 
to see if he can show them
how to get over the line.

2023-24 Season - Goodbye and Good Riddance

Usually at this time of year we messily ladle-out multiple articles summing up the season just gone.  Invariably there is so much to cover that it takes several days and several sections to cover it all.

Thankfully, the 2023/4 season makes no such demands on us.  Or you.

In a nutshell, a Manager who wasn't quite good enough assembled a squad that wasn't quite good enough.  Players and managers came and went until we were finally competitive enough to avoid another relegation.

Wow.  The season before took three lengthy articles to even come close to covering all that had happened.  Page after page of shirt-rending, finger-pointing and World class sarcasm.  This season it took two sentences.  With the creative use of a comma it would have been a single sentence.  But, in an attempt to reward you for clicking on here in the first place we'll at least take a stab at offering up our Top 5, and Bottom 5 moments of the 2023-24 season.

Top Five Moments - tough one this.....

The month of March.  Without which we would be heading off to Kings Langley and Barton Rovers again next season.

The win at home to Mickleover.  It seemed we'd turned a corner.  We hadn't.

Seeing our turn-out at Chesterfield.  It felt briefly like the old days.  And, I suppose, the first 25 minutes of the game.

The spicy bean nachos served at Sudbury.

The Missus scooping a couple of big Bingo prizes in the Poppies lounge and me laying my Klondike hoodoo.

Bottom Five Moments

I maintain that the defeat away to St Ives this season was pound-for-pound the most wretched performance I've ever seen a Poppies team give.  No-one who wasn't there will truly be able to grasp the utter awfulness of the afternoon.  The shipping of 6 goals was the absolute tip of the mountainous mountain of shite that was that game.  Had St Ives run in another 6 goals we genuinely wouldn't have had any complaints.

The last 65 minutes at Chesterfield, when it seemed that we had agreed with the home team before the match that we wouldn't compete and definitely not get close, tackle, or God forbid, injure one of their precious players.  Just embarrassingly meek.

The "game" at Sixfields against Scum-lite.  Why did we bother?

The "Singh-gate debacle.  What the f*ck was the Stratford No.18 on?  And was the dosage correct?

Dropping off the BBC sports webpage.  Thank God you can still get all the important information on there from the Saudi Pro League and the Russian Premier League - Sochi are having a season to forget.

"Player of the Season"

No player or one individual.  Instead, the fabulous efforts off all the off-field guys and girls.  A big shout-out to the people who keep the heartbeat of the club going with little thanks or acknowledgment.  Well, Patgod thanks and acknowledges you.  For what it's worth.  The fact that the club generates more income from what goes on around the football than the actual football tells you all you need to know.

Honourable Mention - the supporters.  We averaged barely less than we did last season.  Which is pretty incredible given the lack of large away followings at this level and some of the truly awful guff we were forced to endure.  Give yourselves a pat(god) on the back.  

The sunset at Halesowen still remains the 
high watermark of season 2023-24.

Copy and paste, lads

Presumably we can expect a number of tweets, Facebook messages and or Instagrams over the next few weeks from the bulk of our current squad, announcing their departure from Latimer Park.  To save them from putting too much effort in (did someone mention Sixfields....?) we've produced the following template for them to use.  If they want, they can omit the sections in capital letters....

"My time at Kettering Town has come to an end.  AND NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.

It's time for the next chapter in my career to begin.  PROBABLY AT A TEAM IN A LOWER DIVISION BECUASE IF 2023/24 HAS TAUGHT ME NOTHING ELSE, IT'S TAUGHT ME THAT I'M NOT UP TO PLAYING AT THIS LEVEL.

I'd like to place on record my thanks to the management, staff, volunteers and the supporters for backing me and the lads 100% this season.  THANKS A BUNDLE TO THE STACK OF MANAGERS WHO PROMISED ME STARTS AND THEN SHOWED ME THE BENCH IF I WAS LUCKY.  AND THANKS TO THE FANS WHO JEERED ME AT EVERY TURN EVEN WHEN I WAS GIVING AS MUCH AS 70% EFFORT.

I hope the club continues to build and I will look out for your results.  FRANKLY I'LL HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BOBBLY PITCH 5 MINUTES AFTER THE DOOR HITS ME IN THE ARSE.

Up the Poppies!  F**K THE POPPIES!