Tuesday, 30 October 2012

So, how has Imraan spent the past week....

A week ago Imraan was given 7-days by the Southern league to answer a list of unspecified questions(but we're pretty sure we could take a reasonable guess at most of them....)  Obviously since then he has striven day and night to ensure the survival of his precious club.

By one of those strange quirks of blogging fate which we seem to encounter suspiciously regularly, we have gained access to Imraan's personal diary, and can share with you his super-human efforts to breathe life back into his beloved Poppies.

24 October.  Met with Southern League.  Not sure how well the meeting went, but am pretty sure that they realised that by the end none of this was my fault.  We'll meet up again in 7-days when they'll no doubt agree with everything I said.  More than likely they'll bollock DRC for me!

25 October.  Called James Caan's mobile phone again and left another insulting message.

26 October.  Pulled an all-nighter.  Ordered in pizza and spent all night trying to thrash out the problems.  Was finally successful just before dawn.  I managed to reach level 4 of the new Resident Evil.  Woo-hoo!

27 October.  Played online poker all day.  Great day!

28 October.  See yesterday.  Also hid below window at one point when I heard a knock at the door, just in case KC or his heavies were there.

29 October.  Sent James Caan an abusive text- wicked!

30 October.  Went trick or treating.  Dressed up as Dracula.  Had a geat time.  Got loads of sweets.  Went to bed with a tummy ache!

31 October.  Woke up with nagging suspicion I had to do something today......  Oh yes, KTFC.  Dashed off a couple of texts to the Trust and Ken Samuels.  I'm sure they'll sort it for me.  Going back to bed as still feel a bit sick from yesterday.

Thursday, 25 October 2012

Will no one put us out of our misery?

The Executive of the Southern League have now met with the Club's hierarchy (which all sounds rather grander than we suspect the meeting was...)  And the outcome was - another stay of execution.  As we all continue to find other activities to occupy our Saturdays KTFC continues it's limbo existence for a little longer.

Although, for some unknown reason, PATGOD wasn't invited to yesterday's meeting we believe that based on our knowledge of the participants we can pretty accurately sum the exchanges up.

What Imraan said - "Not my fault.  DRC money forthcoming.  Potential investors.  Not my fault.  We were forced out of Rockingham Road and I had to saddle us with Non Park.  Online Poker.  Sleeping giant.  Did I mention it wasn't my fault?"

What Imraan meant - "Colin Hill's brothers know where I live!"

What the Southern League said - "We have given KTFC 7-days to confirm certain criteria and assure the league as to a number of outstanding questions arising from their continued participation in this competition."

What the Southern League meant - "Great, if you go pop it's gonna make our Micky Mouse league look even shittier than it is!"

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Another Poppyless Saturday

This time there's no game because the team due to kick our arse is still engaged in cup football tomorrow.  Obviously our lack of players, money, electricity, worthwhile chairman, supporters might have counted against us had we had the misfortune to actually be due to play.

How long with this farcical "half-life" be allowed to continue?  How low do things have to get before it is generally acknowledged that the club is dead?  Can anyone even remember the last time we even had a semi-competitive team to support? 

The absolutely best case scenario is that there is in fact someone in the world who manages the impressive trick of (A) being dumber than Ladak, and (B) immensely rich, (C) desperate to take over the Poppies.

But what exactly would that deliver?  Limping along for a few more painful games or even months as permanent whipping boys in a division no one ever dreamt we'd be plunged into.  Paying thousands for a ground we don't want to be in, in a town no-one wants to be in.  Being amongst the last few hundred of people who haven't anything better to do than go through the motions of a protracted demise? 

If the Poppies was a family pet, we'd have done the humane thing ages ago.  As it stands, the memory of the club that was is still sufficiently strong to hope that KTFC doesn't have to suffer much longer.

When the ground and the scoreboard look like this, you've got to wonder what is the point?

Monday, 15 October 2012

Another day in paradise

So, what has Monday brought us?  Reportedly a non-payment of the CVA.  Not that anyone should blame Imraan for this.  He himself would be far too much of a gentleman to point out that the CVA was instigated by Georgy-boy, with Gary Graham as the patsy signatory.  Yes, Imraan would never blame these two gentleman for this latest millstone around our neck.  Partly because he is too polite, but mainly we suspect because even a cursory view of events would trace the NEED for a CVA back to his inept rule and monstrous overspending.

Not sure if there's much of a market for
Peter (Shorty) Short look-a-likes, but Laurie
would clean up!
Other than the club bumbling another step closer to the abyss, what else has this fine autumn day delivered?  Oh yes, Laurie Walker has finally grown a pair and left the club.  That may sound a bit harsh, but I'd like to think if my employer had abused me as badly as he'd been abused I wouldn't have hung around so long.  Don't gripe on twitter, or let your dad moan to Poppynet - move on.  If another club isn't interested, perhaps (I know this sounds insane) get a job outside football!  The rest of us have done it.  I'm glad for his sake that he has finally kicked the club into touch, as he often did with the football!

I suppose by a case of elimination this leaves Phil Ifil as the unchallenged "Mr Kettering!"

Another story going around is that a portable generator has arrived at Non Park.  Not for us mind you.  No, this is to run the rest of the site, because, if you remember, Imraan successfully negotiated for the Poppies to pay the electricity for the entire complex, regardless of whether it was anything to do with us!  Bravo Mr Chairman!  I wouldn't be surprised if the cost for this was tacked onto our debts. 

Not that that will be bothering us soon.

Saturday, 13 October 2012

Two Strikes and Out?

To fail to play one match may be seen as unfortunate, but to fail to play two may be seen as carelessness, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde (no less).  So, Imraan's plan to simultaneously hook up the Non Park electrics to a bank of push bikes and willing volunteers, and convince any local under 14 team to change their name to Kettering Town has mysteriously failed.

Now we are faced with our first home Poppies-less Saturday.  The first of many. Boy, is it going to hit us come 3 o'clock!

More successful has been Ladak's endeavour this week to become a bit of a media whore.  He has been heard and read across a large cross-section of the local and national media.  It has probably reminded him of "the good old days" when his mug was all over the telly and papers, when either red carding the Council or lambasting ITV for not clearing their schedules for our game with Fulham.  Of course, Ladak being Ladak he has used this exposure to deliver a grovelling apology for his handling of the Poppies, and offering an impassioned plea for the wider community to pull together to help the club survive.

I jest of course.

The blame for our demise was, as usual, laid at the door of anyone and everyone else.  Laughably he has nobly, and conveniently labelled himself as "Interim Chairman", and thus painting himself as a concerned citizen, heroically stepping in to try to save the Poppies.  I can never quite tell if he is a pathological liar, or actually believes what he is saying.  Either way, he doesn't come out of this well. 

There's no way you can see us playing again.  Lack of team, electricity, supporters, ground and officials generally counts against a viable football club.  Ladak has had chance after chance of stepping aside to give the Poppies a chance of survival but has always hung on for the outside chance of conning someone even more gullible than himself to give him one last payday.

This mix of stupidity and greed has ultimately cost us our football club.  I'm pretty sure that there is at least one person who doesn't see it this way though.....

Monday, 8 October 2012

Daydream Believer

Well, Imraan has popped his head out of his bunker briefly, switched his mobile phone on again for five minutes to speak to Radio Northampton.  Hats off to DJ Joe Pignatiello, usually an annoying interviewer, for asking some searching questions as to blame, investors, and Non Park.  Joe then manfully undid this good work a few minutes later by completely misreading a couple of texts sent into the station by my better half!

Imraan was his usual evasive, lying self, with one slight difference.  I have never heard him sound so flat or lacking in emotion.  Even though he has single-handedly f**ked our club over my first reaction was to worry as to his state of mind.  I'm not sure if his Milton Keynes Bunker comes equipped with a "suicide-watch" facility, but if so, I would suggest he be compelled to use it.

As to what he said, it is fair to say we've heard it all before.  Blame for our situation is fairly shared between former sponsor, DRC, current sponsor, Richie Jeuene, the "Management Committee" who ran the club on his behalf at the start of the season.  None seemed to come his own way curiously....

Amazingly he believes we will be able to sign some more players - there must be thousands of players out there desperate to not be paid for their services.  Unbelievably he thinks the electricity starved stadium will be able to run from a generator!  All the lights, power sockets, heating, water, floodlights from a little portable generator?  Is he kidding?  And does he expect someone to loan one of these to him, as he wouldn't pay for one!

Oh, and the potential investors!  "Can't talk about them blah blah!" I wonder if any of these are the same investors he spoke about at Wickies?  Usual b*llocks.  He suggested that one of the parties was looking to buy the ground as he didn't want to pay the rent.  Just why exactly would anyone do this?  It doesn't matter who on earth took over, NO ONE WILL TRUST ANYONE OR GO BACK TO NON PARK!  No club can survive there.  How many clubs need to go bust there before the suits learn this?

No one on the radio believed Imraan.  Not Joe.  Not Geoff Doyle who hosted the following programme.  Or Jon Dunham.  Or Graham Carr.

Imraan, no-one believed you on the radio.  And no-one believes you who listened to the radio.  Why do you continue to lie to us?  What's in it for you?  Or do you actually believe what you say?  If so, pal, you've got problems!

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Read it and weep

Today 304 people paid their last respects to Kettering Town FC. There was an air of finality about it. When, if ever, in the club’s 140 years of existence have there been fewer than 11 players willing and able to take the field? This alone was a new low – a former giant of the non league game now worse off than your average Sunday league side. The ten that were there deserve no criticism for the eventual scoreline nor did they receive any. Ultimately we all knew it didn’t matter any more, and that included Bashley who barely celebrated as they racked up yet another meaningless goal that will shortly be chalked off. 

That said, in the dying minutes the Kettering players clearly caught the desire of the crowd to celebrate one final goal, and staged a late rally. The groan when we hit the post was as if it had cost us a vital win. As the digital clock (making its own final appearance before the power is cut off) reached 90 minutes I couldn’t help it, I gave in to sentiment and thought of some of the great names in the club’s history. Hapgood, Lawton, Daldy, Gully, Atkinson, Peck, Clayton, Suddards, Ashby, Kellock, Evans, Murphy, Keast, Cooke, Moss, Brown, Price, Norman and so on and so on.  The championships and cup runs and other bits of history unique to the club. And the local people who supported the club through the generations and never in their worst nightmares imagined it would end like this.

If it’s any comfort to know, the few at Nene Park today maintained a spark of passion and humour, and probably for the last time cleared their throats to sing some of the old songs. As the players left the pitch it was very moving...    

Friday, 5 October 2012

You can take the people out of Kettering, but you can't take Kettering out of the people it would appear

Hopes for a civil relationship between the Poppies and their offspring "The Red Kites", (a truly cringe-worthy nickname by the way) are not being helped by the comings and goings on Poppynet over the past twenty four hours.

We KNOW the Poppies are teetering on the brink.  We don't need former supporters reminding us of this every thirty seconds.  Their seeming enjoyment of our club's plight is frankly sickening.  Twelve months ago these same people would have leapt to the defence of their club, now they are gloating over the same club's demise. 

By all accounts this coming Saturday could be our last "home" game (again).  I know we've heard this a number of times before, but the following week sees the very real possibility of the club ending due to a mixture of unpaid utility bills and non payment of the CVA. 

Now is not the time for former supporters to be crowing about their newly formed team.  If they showed even a modicum of class at this point they could well attract dozens if not hundreds of displaced Poppies.  But, by rubbing our faces in our imminent demise is not likely to engender good relations moving forward.

And let us not forget, that for all the positive things associated with KFC and what they have achieved so far, as it stands they have no certain route back into Kettering next season.  They have already shed one Chairman in acrimonious circumstances after barely a handful of games.  And there is no guarantee the club will ever progress beyond being a youth team. 

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

The very definition of "pointless"

Let's get this right....

  • We have a Hillier Senior Cup Game tonight, which is already a fairly good definition of "pointless" in itself. 

  • This game is against, what?  A tiny club from the Peterborough area no one has heard of. 

  • In front of what will be, if lucky, a double figure crowd.

  • What team we may be able to dredge-up will be from amongst those local kids and trainees we can coax out or con on a Tuesday night.

  • Who knows, we may just have 11 shirts to put on the team.

  • If possible I'm sure the club will open one half of one stand to the public.

  • If we win, the chances are we will end up in the next round on the wrong end of a heavy thrashing by the likes of Brackley, Desborough, or God help us, Corby.

  • The team are to be "managed" by a sacked former Chairman and a resigned former Director.

  • Plus there's Champions League football on the television, as well as the Great British Bake-Off (for the missus!)

All in all, a pretty heady mixture to guarantee our most pointless game ever, unless anyone out there can think of a better example?