The name's Solkhon, Brett Solkhon

I don't know if I'd seen this before, but whilst casually glancing over the Barton Hall's website for reasons we won't explore here, I stumbled across a rather fetching photograph of one of our former favourites.  Has this been posted elsewhere already?  Don't know.  Can't remember.  It has now.

What does this photograph tell us?  

Firstly that Mr Solkhon's a bit of a media whore.  Secondly, young Brett scrubs up better than we might have expected.  Thirdly, he's obviously punching shockingly WELL above his station.  And finally, perhaps as a society, we might just be ready to consider the first ginger James Bond....?

Far too close to call!

 Kings Lynn v Stevenage in the FA Cup today....

It's a given that no self-respecting Poppies fan can't want either of these teams to win ANY football match.  Even a disreputable Poppies fan couldn't want anything but thumping defeats for BOTH teams.

Is it too much to ask for both teams to slip to an embarrassing defeat, with multiple red cards and, if not career ending injuries, at least half the players limping off with niggling tweaks?  And Steve Evans gets a lifetime ban for biting Ben Stephens's face off.  

And that annoying Lynn fan who stands behind the goal and periodically screams out his solo chant of "KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS LYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYNN!!!" accidentally swallows his tongue mid-bellow?  

Am I wanting too much from a single game between two teams who have both been our rivals at different times but are now, through no fault of their own, much better than us?  

Bitter?  You bet.

Stephen Cleeve welcomes Boro Boss
Steve Evans to The Walks

Five bits of Poppies bullshit that make us feel important

So, after 90 minutes of huffing and puffing in grotty conditions and getting a miserable soaking yesterday, it will count for nothing.  The club Secretary dropped a bollock by not checking Lethwaite's availability to play, and the player himself didn't bother to volunteer the fact he'd played in an earlier round.  Terrific.  Well done one and all.

All this latest f*ck-up has done has given the professional moaners on KTFC Chat, Poppies Talk, Reds Revue, Kettering Grizzlers and Town Twats online forums even more to bleat about.  In the game of "Poppies Are Going Bust Bingo" getting thrown out of the Trophy due to playing someone too dumb to realise their very selection will cost us the game, has had many shouting "FULL HOUSE!"

However, all is not lost.

Patgod is here to remind us all how being a Poppies fan is still brilliant.  We've lined up five good reasons why every other supporter of every other club must wake daily bemoaning the fact they weren't born in our fair corner of Northamptonshire.  Or, five dismal facts that we blindly cling to which will only serve to drag us down as surely as concrete life belts.

(1)  We are, at time of writing, the FA Cup all-time goal scorers.  Yes folks, until 10 minutes into Tottenham's 3rd round game at home to Shitkickers and Bunion Athletic FC, the mighty Poppies have scored more FA Cup goals than anyone else.  True, even the most cursory view of our FA Cup goal chart shows an awful lot of several goal thumpings handed out before WW I to long-defunct Micky Mouse sounding clubs from the Peterborough area.  But, as they say, you can only beat what's in front of you....

Mind you, other than occasional bragging rights, what does this fact actually achieve for us?  Literally nobody else in football knows or cares.  Nor did we until one of our Statto's came up with the, er, statistic several years ago.  I'm more suspicious over the fact the same Stattos have stayed curiously quiet as to which team has conceded the most goals in the history of the FA Cup.....

(2) We introduced Shirt Sponsorship.  That's right.  It's OUR fault otherwise attractive football kits are hideously branded and that soulless Betting companies have managed to push their relentless drug on the football supporting public.  Yay us.

(3)  We used to get enormous gates.  All the time.  Sorry, but another piece of self-perpetuating nonsense we cloak ourselves in to bolster our superiority.  During my Poppies supporting days I can only recall ONE season where we averaged 2,500 (a mythical figure people seem to recall we attracted all the time).  And the average gates for that season, under Peter Morris's first failed tilt at the title, were helpfully bolstered by have a couple of 4000+ gates for the last two home games when a shed load of glory seekers thought we might get promoted.  All of them were long gone by the time the following season kicked off....

(4)  Rockingham Road was the best stadium in Non-League.  Many people who still consider themselves to be Kettering Town fans wouldn't be seen dead at Latimer Park because it isn't a patch on RR.  No, it's not.  That's true.  But it's also true that Rocky Road wasn't the non-league Old Trafford we all seem to remember it as.  Did any of you ever use the toilet on the Cowper Street cinder bank?  Or get stuck behind the 43 fences erected down the length of the Britannia Road terrace?  Or get moved from your seat in the stand because the area you were in had failed it's safety inspection?  Or get soaked when anywhere in the half of the ground with no cover?  

Rocky Road was a good ground for our needs, and we all loved it because for any faults it had it was OURS, and had belonged to our parents and their parents before them.  But let's not kid ourselves the whole non-league footballing community lived in a state of permanent jealousy because it was our home and not theirs.  Because they didn't.

(5)  We are a sleeping non-league giant.  Some of our most deluded supporters can't understand why Ritchie isn't fully funding us to revive the glory days.  On the very weekend where we attracted to a home game over 16,000 LESS than attended a National League fixture one division above us, some of our addled-brained base are still convinced we are a big noise in non-league circles.  Half of the division above us are former Football League clubs and there are dozens of teams tussling to get up into our division regularly attract double our gates, and yet somehow we see The Poppies as a team others fear, are jealous of and seek to emulate.  They don't, they shouldn't and they won't.

Glover - take a week off from being bollocked.

World Cup Willy

The World Cup, the actual World Cup, is less than a week away and you’d be excused for not noticing. Only the gap in the Premier League schedule next weekend offers a clue that something is afoot. Think of it as a sort of elongated international break. Given how clubs often use standard international breaks as an opportunity to swap managers, there must be an unusually high number of touchline water bottle swiggers nervously checking their phones right now.

Normally Patgod adopts the brace position when considering England’s tournament prospects, but this time (more than any other time) is different.  As our boys board the plane to Qatar, for the first time ever a former Poppy is in the squad.  Take a bow Callum Wilson. It’s been a long journey since his loan spell for the slender lad from Coventry, so long that he probably still thinks we play at Rockingham Road. Actually, if he asks, say we do. From Cov to rising to the Prem with Bournemouth then a big move to Newcastle, he’s timed his run perfectly into the World Cup reckoning and from here anything is possible.

Callum may be an ex Poppy, but what about other World Cup connections. Surely the legendary Tommy Lawton played in a World Cup?  The answer, surprisingly, is no. He wasn’t selected for 1950 or 1954, before his career wind down brought him to our patch. Gazza you cry.  But if the qualifying test is wearing a Kettering shirt, he never actually made an appearance.  Ok then, what about Dave Watson. Mid 80s defensive warhorse alongside the likes of Dave Needham, who not many years earlier was earning the last of 65 caps? Cruelly for him, he actually sang on the 1982 World Cup song, only to not make the cut.  Must have been tough, but he’ll always have that appearance on Top of the Pops.

The only other (playing) World Cup connection we can identify is Don Masson from Scotland’s ‘78 squad.  Archie Gemmill emerged from that tournament as a hero thanks to an immortal goal; Don missed a penalty against Peru and was never picked again.  Several years later he briefly passed through RR as player manager and was sacked after a handful of games, which was some achievement at a time when club chairmen were much less trigger happy than today, and even complete bozos normally got half a season.    

So it looks like Callum is in a class of one, at least as far as England is concerned.  Needless to say, having a CURRENT Poppy at the World Cup, for any country, has never happened.  However, at the present rate of expansion of the finals, who knows. After all, by 2050 every country in the world bar the Cook Islands, and Scotland, will be there.

There's only one Roger Taylor!

Have you ever had a few too many of an evening and found yourself "ego-searching" your own name on Google?  C'mon, we've all done it....surely?

THE RHYS-FLEX

Anyway, I've decided, without a hint of self-aggrandising, that I can make a reasonable case for being the third most famous Gary Lewis in the world, in what is, admittedly, a narrow field.  Top of the pile is the taciturn Scots actor who's real name is Gary Stevenson, who chose MY name to make his way as a thespian.  This means that if I decide, at this enormously late stage to become an actor I will have to change MY bloody name! 

WILD BOYS IN RED

In second place is the Gary Lewis of Gary Lewis and the Playboys "fame" - a mid 1960's band of limited success who, curiously, only troubled the UK charts the once, at the exact time I was born.  Gary of Gary Lewis and the Playboys was actually called Gary Harold Lee Levitch, and even then the "Gary" part of his name was meant to be "Cary" after Cary Grant....Basically I can make a case for being the bestest "real" Gary Lewis ever!

NEW MOON ON THE MORISSONS END

I only mention this because Roger Taylor, the drummer from Duran Duran, despite helping to sell dozens of millions of albums also sits firmly in third place as the most famous Roger Taylor in the world.  Top of the pile is his "big drummer-brother" Roger Taylor of Queen who has helped shift hundreds of millions of albums. Arguably, the second best Roger Taylor is the former Australian Tennis player with Open Doubles Titles in the early 1970's.

GARY STOHRER ON FILM

This leaves Roger Taylor of Duran Duran as the third best Roger Taylor as far as the rest of the world is concerned.  However, in the environs of Burton Latimer "young" Roger is definitely top of the pile.  Why?  I'll tell you.

IS THERE DECARREY SHERIFF I SHOULD KNOW?

My good lady is a BIG Duran Duran fan, and within DD she is an even BIGGER Roger Taylor fan.  So much so she recently purchased an official T-shirt with Roger's enormous, slightly quizzical early 80's face on it, although if you are not a dyed-in-the-wool Durranie it could be anyone.  She wore it for the first time for our home win over Telford.  

SAM BENNETT A PRAYER

As far as we can determine, Roger has since then only missed the home games against Alfreton, Kidderminster and Banbury.  Yes.  That's right.  Roger has attended ALL of our wins at home this season.  He has never "seen" us do anything but win at Latimer Park!  

A VIEW TO A KEATON WARD

Leaving aside Roger's attendance at a couple of awayday thumpings, his T-shirted visage is the luckiest of lucky tokens for the Poppies at home this season. So much so, it is genuinely baffling why the missus DIDN'T wear the T-shirt for the Alfreton, Kiddy and Banbury games.  Believe me - this won't happen again!  I would suggest that to keep the magic intact, the T-shirt should not be washed again either, but I fear I may be overruled on that one....!

UNION OF THE PAUL COX

The one and only Roger Taylor - he's seen more
Poppies wins than most Poppies fans this season

Former Poppies Manager.....

 .....of, ahem, limited renown or inexplicably popular former Genesis drummer?  You decide.

On the subject of Gary Johnson's time at the Poppies, the Wikipedia article covering his time here seems to gloss somewhat over the quality of his tenure.  A more suspicious blogger might suggest Lee had a hand in writing this himself?

Wikipedia - 

Kettering Town[edit]

After leaving Cambridge, Johnson took over as manager of Kettering Town as the club introduced full-time football for the first time in the club's history. However, once the decision was made to revert to being a part-time club, Johnson moved to Watford as director of their youth academy by request of former England manager Graham Taylor.

If we have a "Plan B" now would be a good time....

Another away-day thumping.  Another underwhelming performance.  Another game where we pack the defence from the first minute in the hope of blunting incessant attacks and then, somehow, pinch a goal.  Another day when we pile pressure on ourselves for our next home game.

We have racked up a massive FOUR League goals when playing away from Latimer Park this season.  FOUR.  The last one being Andy Oluwabori's equaliser at Buxton on the 3rd of September.  That's over two months ago.  You don't need reminding what the teams that have hosted us have done in the meantime.  Or maybe you do? Fifteen League goals against without the glimmer of an answer.  Only our moderately acceptable home form stops us from being cut adrift at the bottom of the league.

What hurts about our shocking away form isn't getting beaten - I've been around the block often enough to know and accept that we can't handsomely win every match at a canter.  But, equally, I know when I'm watching a team so obviously set-up to try and keep the size of defeat to a minimum.  And still failing dismally to do that.  I don't believe I've seen any Poppies team meekly ship goal after goal with barely a collective shrug before.  

Even in the utterly grim, dog-sh*t days of a decade ago our team of kids, random passers-by and old legless lags occasionally dug out an away result to remind us why we bother to give up our Saturdays to follow the Poppies.  The players we have now aren't a bad bunch.  We've seen a bit of quality.  A bit of fight.  But we have seen nowhere near enough of either.  Beating Kings Lynn at home with everyone giving their all counts for nothing when Farsley piss all over you a few weeks later.

It's no coincidence the Supporter Coach is not running to the next few matches.  Matches where you once would have had to fight a grizzled old codger for a coach seat have been running half empty.  What savings the Supporter Coach had accrued have been blown ferrying the small hardcore of fans to such unattractive, nowhere locations as Chester and Scarborough.

Let's not kid ourselves that we have plenty of time to turn the ship around.  While we continue to allow our various hosts to improve their goal difference all the teams around us are notching the odd win and fighting hard to stay in this division.  Telford and their new, shell-shocked Manager excepted of course.

How many games does Ritchie give Glover to make us tougher nuts to crack?  How many away games has Ritchie endured?  Would Glover still be here if he'd seen even half of them?  How many games would it be fair to give his replacement to pull us out of our nose dive back to fixtures against St F*cking Ives again?

Answers are not many more, not enough, probably not and as many as possible.

Sorry Lee, but we are all as bored listening as you
are probably bored repeating yourself

So, Brackley. Again.

Brackley is such a pointless non-event as a town, a fixture, a concept, let alone a footballing rivalry, that we truly cannot be arsed with them.

So, for your reading pleasure today, and every day we play Brackley until either the Apes take over and make us run around in loin cloths or aliens in big, f*ck-off spaceships zap us into dust, we will simply keep linking back to this previous article which will always remain tediously relevant.

So, Brackley

The first image google threw up for the
word "Brackley".  It'll do.