Double-Barrel Blasts from the Past

We at Patgod Towers were jolted by a couple of unexpected reminders of Rockingham Road days in the past week.  It is difficult for supporters of our mighty age to fully grasp just how long we have been absent from our spiritual home.  Our last competitive game at our old stadium took place on the 30th April 2011 when 1400 of us watched the final game of the 2010-11 season blithely unaware it would be for the last time.  Two late Poppies goals relegated our opponents of the day, Southport, from the National League.  At least temporarily.  Within days Southport were reprieved as a tsunami of crap overwhelmed Rushden & Direones and then very nearly dragged us down too.  But this is a story oft discussed and doesn't need to be aired again.  At least not today.

A player called Jon Challinor scored our third goal that day back in Spring 2011, and by extension the last goal scored at Rockingham Road.  He had been a bit-part player for the second half of the season and this was his only goal for Kettering.  We wasn't retained for the following season, when we were too busy eyeing up the vistas of Nonce Park and plundering Real Madrid for players to bother with the likes of Challinor, a player who was the very definition of "journeyman".  Early 30's and more clubs than whichever golfer is named these days to suggest "a lot of clubs".  Sorry, but I still say Jack Nicholas, and even I know that immediately dates me!

But, something almost magical happened with Jon.  Rather than rack up another couple of dozen clubs before hanging up his boots he found HIS club.  Since 2013 he has piled-up a magnificent 400+ appearances for a single club.  This would be an entirely lovely, heartwarming story were it not for the fact that the club in question is the fetidly inbred collection of nerks and half-wits at Stamford.  But, if we can overlook this enormous issue for a moment, it is quite the achievement he is still pulling on boots at this level in his mid 40's.  And while he continues to do so there's still someone out there playing who played for us in that last match at Rockingham Road, and, despite him bench-warming for Drury's bunch of fuckwit, bumpkin arsewipes, I find this a comforting thought.  There are frighteningly few of them left.  Brett and Danny Mills are another couple who played in that last game that are still tottering around.

An ancient, knackered Jon Challinor
is assisted from the field of play
by the scary killer from Nic Roeg's
masterful movie "Don't Look Now."

Another complete shock of a former Rockingham Road luminary cropped up the other day when I was startled to find that Nathan Koo Boothe was back at the Poppies!  Don't worry - not as a player!!!

Seemingly Nathan is our "Individual Performance Coach", whatever this might entail and rejoined the club at the start of this season in a move which I'd completely missed.  Nathan's playing career couldn't have been more different to Jon's.  If Wikipedia is to be believed he racked up less than 70 career appearances, against Jon's coming up to 900.  Well over half of Nathan's scant appearances were for the Poppies both at Rockingham Road and Nonce Park.  

I don't think it unfair to say Nathan would make no-one's list of All-time Poppies Greats.  Or make the Team of the Year in any of the seasons he was with us.  Or, frankly, make any reasonable Poppies XI at any time.  But, in the continued atmosphere of bonhomie this article seems to have been written in, let's draw a line under Nathan's inability to run, head or kick a ball and remember him as someone who played for us at venerable Rocky Road.  And not simply recall him when I ironically bought his signed away shirt for a fiver during one of the many last-gasp fire-sales at Nonce Park when the club attempted to flog anything that wasn't nailed down. 

Good luck Nathan as our "Individual Performance Coach" which, curiously, is nowhere near the strangest job-title amongst our backroom staff!

It's great to have Nathan back.
In a strictly non-playing capacity.

Weak Frit? An Apology

On a previous post we suggested that a lot of Poppies fans hit the panic button and flew off the handle at every set-back the club endured.  We inferred that far too many of us hadn't the maturity to handle any sort of reversal of fortune when it came to KTFC and jumped straight off the deep end whenever literally ANYTHING bad happened to us.

We realise now that we were entirely wrong in this assessment.  Poppies fans are far more level-headed, calm, and clear-eyed than we could ever have imagined.  Patgod therefore offers a full and heartfelt apology for suggesting otherwise and will not repeat such unfounded opinions.

Also, in totally unrelated news, on KTFC social media after a full 96 minute domination of Stamford was undone in the final seconds of the game - 

"Not Good Enough"

"Absolutely clueless...shocking result"

"Awful....

"How can you play against 10 and be that shit?"

"So glad didn't go"

"Fucking embarrassing"

"Worst result in a very long time"

"Is it too early in the season to jump on the "sack the manager" bandwagon?"

Honestly, I'm not mocking anyone's reaction to the events
of the 96th minute on Tuesday, as the fence immediately
behind me at LP will attest.....

When did we become so weak frit?

This weekend's game at home to Bishop Stortford is beginning to assume epic importance.  The recent nosedive in form and results after an excellent start to the season is threatening to turn from a dip in form to a typically Poppies full-blown calamity.  In the past couple of weeks the faithful chestnut of disquiet has been heard around Latimer Park - "That was the worst performance I've ever seen...."  Really?  The worst?  What, again?

Why do we regard a few defeats as irreputable proof of an onrushing apocalypse?  Is it just us?  Do other clubs routinely turn a couple of reverses into a full-blown meltdown and see such a run as the evidence of the end-of-times?  Do other clubs' supporters reach for the panic button as quickly as we do?  Do other fans treat back-to-back home defeats as proof the sky is falling, or that losing an FA Cup match is an omen of an inevitable footballing-holocaust?

And it's not just results that have us huddling together and fearing for the collapse of western society.  No Poppies player can ever be suffering from a slight knock, or have issues away from football that take precedence over the Poppies.  No, if a player doesn't feature it must only be because they have left us with no notice for our deadliest rivals, and probably haven't been paid in months....and I'd heard from a bloke who knows someone who delivers milk to a player's nan, that the club are in financial straits and that none of the players have been paid since the 2005-06 season.....

And when did we become such knee-jerk jessies that some of us genuinely want the Manager gone after barely a half a dozen league games?  A few negative online comments from a handful of bitter Banbury supporters and we want to form a posse and hound Hollyhead out of Latimer Park.  The four straight wins we started the season with all quickly forgotten in the stampede to railroad the Manager out of town.

What has turned us into such a bunch of fearful, hand-wringing, tale-tattling scaredy-cats?  What happened to showing a stiff-upper lip?  Remaining stoic in the face of adversity.  Shrugging off set-backs with a superior sneer?  When you consider and remember how many GENUINE disasters and prospective club-ending events we have survived over the years by showing a united front and fighting together, you have to wonder how we became so meek and fearful over a handful of games going against us?

We need to show more of these....

Hollyhead Honeymoon H'over

Well it lasted a little longer than many expected, but the latest occupant of the Poppies hot seat is finding out that our “knowledgeable” fans certainly know some things at least. They can spot when all's not well, based on more than just results.

Yesterday at Quorn had an air of defeat from before a ball was kicked. A tough draw to be sure, against a confident, upwardly mobile outfit who have barely lost at home for 2 years. Better teams than us might have found it difficult. But to arrive unable to fill the subs bench so early in the season? Was it just illness in the camp? The eleven out there seemed to be lacking leadership – they were strangely quiet throughout, except when complaining.  Quorn’s keeper made more racket than the lot of them, honking instructions more out of apparent boredom than anything else. He certainly didn’t have much to do.

Quorn are clearly a decent team. With the advantage of being used to their pellet-heavy plastic surface, they knocked it around well and were good at recycling possession. Meanwhile we delivered one unforced error after another. A late rally flattered the scoreline – we were lucky to escape a hiding. 

So where does this leave us? Still in a useful league position, but already badly shown up by three of the teams above us. It’s not too soon to say that Hollyhead has a real challenge on his hands. 

Brought in to be a continental-type coach, to work with a squad assembled for him (clearly the arrangement that Lavs couldn’t tolerate). But the much vaunted tactician, with his UEFA badge, sent us into a long campaign light in defence and top heavy in attack, allowed our most solid CB to leave, is already fielding players out of position and finding that having big guns up front is not much good if we can’t get the ball to them. Teams are already working out how to shut off the supply lines.

And the empathetic man manager who talks so well (and at such length…) about relationships is hinting darkly at “reasons” for players not being available, while we all ponder the ongoing Lobjolt mystery (ill? AWOL? abducted by aliens?).

Probably the only person there yesterday who left with a bigger smile than the Quorn manager was his predecessor, who couldn't have felt more vindicated if he'd buzzed overhead trailing a banner that said TOLD YOU SO.

"Boy, August feels like a LONG time ago...."

Say Cheesey!

If you’re feeling a little perturbed that our place in the Southern League Premier financial muscle ranking is now about 8th, with all that might mean this season, fortunately we do still have Poppies Media to cheer us all up.  We might be in danger of slipping behind several horribly rich hobby projects which will all be AFC whatever within 5 years, but off the field we are being spoiled...  Drone shots. Sexy slo-mo of training sessions. Thanoj walking dreamily through a corn field trailing a handful of grain. Soft focus little teasers that made even the unveiling of Brandon Barker look positively droolsome.  

And the cheesy player ‘previews’ of the next fixture were fun while they lasted. Rarely extending beyond "we’re really looking forward to putting on a show in front of all you lovely fans", they conjured images of players drawing lots on the bus as to who’s turn it was next, though probably AI did the actual work. Among the flurry of ideas cooked up in pre-season, not all can survive too much contact with the actual grind of a season - we get it. This stuff is harder than it looks.

However one area where we’ve really nailed it are the head shots that now pepper every team line-up. You’ve seen them - format borrowed from every big ballsy sports channel promo of the last few years, but rather than the usual old poses (moody, preening, shouty, badge kissing and crowd shushing), ours are charmingly fresh and in no way could have been improved by multiple takes.  Keep them coming guys!

Put 'em up put 'em up!

Chocks away!

Brum brum!

Did I water the plants?

Now THIS is a spliff

Plan B anyone?

It's fair to say that was a bit of a pasting from Spalding on Tuesday night.  Their wingers certainly enjoyed their evening more than I did.  The last time I saw anything carved open as effectively as our defence I was sat around a dining table with loved ones, wearing paper hats and pulling Christmas crackers.

Even when we were 2-0 up it was clear the game was still very much up for grabs and so it proved as Spalding set about us like hyped-up terriers, never giving us a moment on the ball and bombing forwards at every opportunity.  The difference to Saturday's slow motion bore-fest at Worcester could not have been more striking.

But, let's not get too disheartened.  We (just about) attracted another 4-figure gate for a midweek game, which isn't to be sniffed at.  The scoreboard operator has figured out how to make the numbers just about large enough to see, even though few of us liked what it was telling us.  The scoreboard itself is proving to be more of a jinx than an asset.  Two games.  Two defeats.  Do the math.  Other positives?  The pitch is playing pretty well so far.  As our opponents will testify.  Our poorly received new shirts don't look too bad in the flesh.  And the new camera gantry is an improvement.  Assuming looking more like an American maximum security prison guard tower than hastily thrown-up scaffolding is a positive....

Also, no-one knows better than us that titles and promotions aren't done and dusted this early in the season.  For the first half of last season this division was all about who was going to finish in the play-offs once we had stormed to the title.  We know what it's like to go off like a train and sweep all before us.  It guarantees nothing.  Every person leaving the game after out win at Telford last season was in no doubt which of the two teams they had just watched was going to be in the National North division this season, and let me tell you, they weren't wearing white....

Nile at the crossroads

For almost all of their time together, Nile Ranger and Kettering Town have been good for each other.  His signing last season injected a bit of star quality and even celebrity into our ranks, attracting national attention as we progressed in the Cup. Contrary to his disruptive track record he showed a good attitude and was unselfish - at times too much when trying yet again to set someone else up rather than having a crack himself. His goals return was steady, and many felt that Lavs withdrawing Nile in the playoff final cost us the game. 

Equally, Nile gained renewed exposure, a degree of career rehab, a reminder of his abilities to potential suitors and a rumoured decent whack per week!

So when he appeared to have moved on in the summer he went with all good wishes and his reputation high. But in his second act, if we can call it that, things are threatening to turn sour. True, he has been finding the net, deadly from close range if not the spot. But the ‘is he staying or not’ saga has become a distraction, generating social media content yes, but also suggesting he was fishing for a better offer but hasn’t yet had one. 

And now we are starting to see on-field antics that were absent last season.  On many occasions under Lavs he was brought on or off as part of the never ending rotation of that campaign, and showed no displeasure.  But at Long Eaton he left the field shaking his head and chuntering after being subbed, having been given most of the game to make an impact.  Then yesterday at Worcester was less strop, more full blown tantrum after a similar late withdrawal. Arms thrown out in disgust, gesticulating at the bench then appearing to point to Eddie as someone who should be taken off instead!  Which as it happens would have been very unfair on Eddie, who almost won us the game with the last kick. 

Hollyhead is on record as placing a high value on relationships and it will be interesting to see how he handles this one. If Nile can’t accept his role is to share striking duties with several other strong options, maybe it’s best if we part company before squad unity starts to suffer.  

Minnows Alert!!!

It would appear that the Great-Southern-League-Fixture-Gods have tweaked their fixture-abacus such that we'll be fully testing our promotion credentials over the next few weeks.  In a division where several deep pockets are funding several iddy-biddy clubs in a private battle to see who can be first to bankrupt them, we have a number of the miniscule main runners in our immediate sights.  All of them promoted way beyond their natural level.  All of them shelling out well over the odds for players who would normally laugh at an approach from them.  All of them utterly desperate to be seen to be serious rivals to the Poppies.

First up is the weird little speck of a club called Real Bedford, run like a bargain basement "Welcome to Wrexham" they aren't even the biggest football club at their location.  To be fair though, their Chairman has sufficient self-awareness to refer to himself as a budget Ryan Reynolds.  Their twitter-page may look more like a teenager's Death-Metal fan page than a football club site, but they are at least amusing in their efforts to manufacture some kind of rivalry with us....  Wanabee Poppies Rival Level - 6 out of 10

A couple of days later and Harborough Town drag their swollen, clanging bags of gold over the border to test their collection of mercenaries against us in a desperate attempt at validation.  Wanabee Poppies Rival Level - 12 out of 10.

Just over a week later yet we visit another bumpkin collection of inbreds, wildly over-inflated by obscene cash injections - Spalding.  This assumes they've finished carting in an instant stadium of shipping containers and hopefully employed a few able-bodied stewards to keep their small but angry collection of misfit fans under control for once.  Wanabee Poppies Rival Level - 7 out of 10.

Before September is out we are at home to the last of the "Little Four" in the form of Stamford - yet another club artificially financially bolstered, and, just like the others, still finding it difficult to attract more supporters.  Wanabee Poppies Rival Level - 9 out of 10, or 27 out of 10 if you include Drury and his childish antics.

Even the other fixtures in this period offer interesting challenges, with a home game against surprising league leaders Bishop Stortford and away to returning former non-league big boys, Worcester City, where between us and them we'll barely make a dent in their bloody 12,000 capacity stadium!

One thing is for sure, before the clocks go back this season we're going to have a good idea whether the Poppies 2025/26 vintage has got what it takes to attempt another title charge.

"Please Poppies, choose me!"

Still work to do, alas

The 1970's was a great time.  Don't let anyone tell you differently.  Modern media paints a picture of the 1970's being nothing but a mixture of power cuts, unburied dead and brown wallpaper.  Sure, we had all that but we also had much, much more.  For one, we had the arrival of colour television!  Forget your wall-to-wall online streaming services, NOTHING comes close to the excitement of the first time seeing all the bridge officers in Star Trek in their glorious primary colours!  And there were more musical genres than you can shake a rhythm stick at - Glam, Pop, Heavy, Punk and Prog Rock, Disco, New Wave, Funk and the Wombles.  We had affordable housing and even more affordable beer.  We had the greatest run of brilliant movies ever - The Godfather 1 & 2, The Exorcist, Jaws, Star Wars (and NOT A New Hope....), Holiday on the Buses and Close Encounters of the Third Kind.  Winning the Football League was pretty much a guarantee of winning the European Cup.  We had it all.

Unfortunately we also had rampant, unapologetic racism in society in general and in football in particular.  Racism and homophobia were, at times, so casual and common place that it would have made even Tommy Robinson blush.

As much as a progressive, civilised society would like to believe that in the intervening years abuse of people based solely on skin colour or sexual preference had receded such that only those on the very outer fringes of our species still harboured (quietly) such views, all too often we are reminded this is not the case.

A Premier League game on Friday was halted for 5 minutes when a Liverpool fan couldn't dredge his imagination deep enough when insulting Bournemouth striker Semenyo to aim beyond the colour of his skin.  We were one game into the season and this was the main news story coming from Anfield.  One guy in a crowd if 50,000 is statistically zero, but it is so dispiriting that such incidents still occur.

Unfortunately it would appear we never truly conquered intolerance and that the worst of it merely slumbered for a few decades until the time was right for it to rise again.  For most of the past 30-odd years your common-or-garden hard-right misanthrope at least had the decency to keep their repulsive views to themselves.  Well, decency might be too strong.  More likely they realised their views were poison and the vast majority of the population would rightly vilify them if they spoke up.

Pride-designed laces and armbands, and taking the knee before kick-off have really been shown-up as the empty gestures they are when the country's most popular and populist politician spouts nothing but unchallenged racist lies, and the supposed "Leader of the Free World" is a tiny moustache, and one testicle away from being a full-blown fascist.  With people like this dominating the public discourse it's hardly surprising their binary views are starting to become common currency again with certain, vocal elements.

This all came to mind yesterday when listening to the tannoy announcements that racist and other intolerant language would lead to lifetime bans.  Leaving aside how enforceable such a ban would be as regimes and club ownership changes over the years, I pondered if ANY threats would deter someone who lives on a diet of social-media conspiracy and echo-chamber, dog-whistle hard-right rhetoric from venting their bile when the mood took them?  Even if they can't be educated about their views, we can only hope they can try to keep their "thoughts" to themselves for the 90 minutes they spend with the rest of us.

This is NOT normal.
Satan usually has higher standards.

Trainspoppies

Choose Latimer Park

Choose a new season

Choose to hope for more of the same

Choose buying the new home shirt, but continue wearing the old one

Choose a slice of pizza in the fanzone

Choose trying to learn all the players' names (if only for when Dave Singh asks you in 3-months time)

Choose returning to your usual spot in the ground

Choose to shout "Freak" at Glennon in an affectionate manner

Choose a carpark pass you've still not seen hide nor hair of

Choose to ignore the odd Burton-bobble

Choose to attend more away games on the supporter coach

Choose not to go down the rabbit hole of KTFC Chat whenever we lose

Choose to believe not every volunteer will jack it in

Chose 5 minute Simon Hollyhead interviews over 15 minute Simon Hollyhead interviews

Choose a Klondike win for the third season in a row after bitching for decades about not winning it, if only to annoy Ken

Choose to wonder why all the millionaire-micro clubs in this division think they're going to boss it in front of their 300 fans

Choose the barstaff who have actually poured a pint before

Choose to applaud the kids taking half-time penalties 

Choose the odd visit to the Hospitality Lounge

Choose to continue to hate Rushden and Diamonds

Choose to use irony and sarcasm on the linesmen rather than anger as they can't process that

Choose Tuesday nights in the rain in Burton rather than Champions League in the warm and dry

Choose to lose your temper, patience and mind with the Poppies

Choose to repeat

I'm not saying Redditch away is an unpopular fixture......

 .....but this was the WhatsApp exchange between my good lady and I within minutes of the new season's fixtures landing!

Enjoy that shite-hole, suckers!  😄

Another Gary down!

Last season I bemoaned the fact that I lagged behind Gary Stohrer, Gary Hooper, Gary Graham and Gary Foreman in a Latimer-Park-Gary-Hierarchy I'd just made up.  Well, we're not looking so Gary-centric these days.

By now everyone will have heard that Gary and Sara were departing as "mein host and hostess" at the Poppies Social Club.  Anyone who has spent any time in the clubhouse in recent years knows how much effort the pair of them have put in to give us an off-field facility to be proud of.  Numerous events, regular pool, darts, bingo etc. evenings are testament to the work they have done.  As much as Gary on the terraces is a noisy drunken buffoon (!) off-field he is the consummate host, relaxing, glad-handing and happily watching as Sara and the other staff do the actual work.

As soon as their sudden departure was announced, on the eve of a new season most of us felt at least a smidgen of unease.  This news had seemed to come entirely from left field.  They were still taking bookings for tables at the next bingo evening at the end of July.  A curious thing to be doing if you knew you were leaving....?

Now the pair of them have been placed on the always homely-sounding "gardening leave".  This evokes a charming image of Sara pottering around her herbaceous borders while Gary watches on from under their patio hoarding, nursing a cold can or two and offering the odd word of unsolicited advice.  In reality, it means your employer has dispensed with your services and doesn't trust you not to burn the entire company down to the ground while you work your notice, so has your keys confiscated and gets his security people to march you off the site. 

How did this situation head south so quickly?  And how closely does this resemble Lavery's departure a few weeks ago.  Never mind the job you've done - you're out.  I have no idea what has happened behind the scenes.  I doubt many have.  But what I do know is something Ritchie admitted to a couple of seasons ago that the social club had made more money for the football club than matchdays attendances had during at least one season.  Stewardship of the clubhouse cannot be an afterthought or left to a couple of the dwindling number of volunteers George still gets on with to run.  It's a serious position for a club of our size.  Having the right person or people in position to run this side of the club is more important to the overall well-being of the Poppies than any showy signing on the playing side.  

So far, George and the other new owners have, rightly, been largely seen as a positive and have been supported by the overwhelming majority of us.  They have said all the right things, although, if past evidence is anything to go by, this isn't necessarily the hardest thing to do.  They had the benefit of the best season since Rockingham Road days.  The goodwill is still there.  But goodwill is a finite resource and soon depleted.  Since we last all gathered at Latimer Park we have lost a good Manager, some more than decent players and now the best people any of us can recall running the club bar.

So far George et al have known nothing but sunny days at Latimer Park.  I truly hope they continue, but recent developments can do nothing except frighten the horses, and Kettering Town horses are notoriously easy to frighten and very hard to placate afterwards.

And as for Gary Foreman - better watch yourself on that rickety-looking gantry.....

Ta-ra for now

Don't Mind Me, It's The Heat (Mostly)

Sure, it's the quiet-time of the footballing calendar.  I get that.  No World Cup or Euro's.  There's some kind of "Club World Cup" going on somewhere, but God alone knows what that's all about.  Back in the real world clubs around our level are busy horse-trading for players to pose on their social media cheerily holding a scarf or shirt of their new employer.  As it's meant to be I suppose.  These days there's also the boring interviews to complete, when players have to dredge-up some genuine-sounding reason to sign for Peterborough Sports beyond the truth of "they've paid me a stupid amount of money to play in front of 300 f*cking people".  Or, our new Manager, turning a getting-to-know-you-interview into a cure for clinical insomnia.

Maybe it's just me.  Perhaps the disappointment of losing the Play-Off Final to the pointless skanks of Telford is finally hitting me.  Or the nagging thought that last season was it - that was our BIG chance of getting back into the National League and we blew it.  Blew it to the noncy-London-overspill of sodding Bedford Town for crying out loud!  Oh, and the heat of course.

Or is it the niggling feeling we've made an enormous mistake getting rid of a Manager who gave us our best season for a decade and for why?  I think we all reached the conclusion that he fell out with the Club owners because they were overly handsy when it came to the playing side.  If so, why quit on us?  Was it so bad having George and Fabio saddling Lavery with a few players he didn't want or ask for?  Just don't pick them.  It worked last season!

It is also dispiriting seeing an exciting young player like Luca leave, while re-employing the grimly dependable George Forsyth who was worth a punt when we were struggling, but wouldn't have got a sniff of making the starting XI last season.  A club showing true vision would create a midfield around Luca, not look to loan him, bench him and then get rid of him.

And what of our owners?  Again, the boredom and heat is busy besetting me with niggling worries.  Do they realise just how monumental last season was?  Do they honestly believe the gates will hold up the same next season?  Are they thinking - even for a second - of banking on a comparable FA Cup run?  Do they realise how penny-pinching they are coming across with constant little add-ons, changes, extra costs and price increases.  If they didn't make enough money from the most successful season since Rockingham Road, they are NEVER going to generate enough income.  No matter how much they squeeze the loyal few.  And, as for that new home shirt.....

Anyway, as I stated earlier, don't mind me.  I'm bored, hot and not being wowed by the club's business so far.  Who knows, a bit of drizzle, a few games and a Hollyhead interview under 2-minutes long and I'm sure I'll be as good as gold.

Hot, hot, hot.  In every sense.....!

The Poppies in Pictures this week

So far this week in Poppyland.....

New Poppies coach invented a welcome cure for insomnia with a
13 minute interview that felt like 13 hourszzzz....  

The club unveiled possibly the worst home kit ever laid before the most
critical and expectant supporters in football, with predictable results. 
Fussy, confused and frankly annoying, but enough of us lot!  
Seriously though, it is difficult to understand how this design made it to
the final choice unless all of the other options included images of engorged genitalia.

Leon Loboit has chosen to risk following in the footsteps
of Leroy May, Recky Carter and, more recently, Jonnie Edwards
and put his free-scoring reputation on the line by signing for 
the club known in non-league circles as "the strikers graveyard." 

Another Regeneration that leaves the punters underwhelmed

The two worst kept secrets in the country were both given official airings this week, with Simon Hollyhead becoming the new Dr Who and Ncuti Gatwa being sacked by the Poppies.  Or something.  Either way, the nation's two most demanding fandoms were all of a froth.

As ever, the Poppies-twittersphere was ablaze with the full gamut of reactions from "Who" to "WTF" over the appointment of Hollyhead to the most prestigious role on British TV - following in the esteemed time-travelling footsteps of luminaries such as Tom Baker, David Tennant and Andy Leese.

George and Fabian were full of praise for their new appointment, fully raiding their well-thumbed AI generated Thesaurus in search of positive words and phrases they hadn't already used on Richard Lavery right up until the point they forced his regeneration.

And the owners are looking ahead to the forthcoming season of the long-running show by promising many exciting adventures in time and space against regular baddies like The Weeping Alvechurch, The Spalding Devils, Stamfordalek and the Cybarwell-Men as well as returning enemies - Needham Masters.  

And I'd better stop this sad-as-f*ck article right there as I'm now boring even myself.

"....My time at Latimer Park has come to an end....."

Once More on the Management Merry-Go-Round

As the Poppies Ownership continue to root through, no doubt, a stack of admirable applicants for a new Manager, news that whoever is /was the Manager of Banbury United has filtered to the top of the pile.  One must assume that he interviewed well, has a good network of contacts and made it clear that he wouldn't necessarily mind the occasional player or three being foisted on him by eager Directors.

Is it just the Poppies that, in recent years, treated the end of the season like the fall of Rome?  Players  cast out, Management sacked and Volunteers burned.  Then the next manager comes in, complains about lack of players and preparation and assembles a team of stumbling nobodies.  Think about it.  Last season was our best in the last three.  Why?  Because of new ownership?  Perhaps.  But possibly more because Lavery was given the end of the season before and the Summer to put together the best squad we've had for several seasons.

Some clubs pick "their man" and then back him to deliver.  Why don't we?

Case in point.  Perhaps you've forgotten, but not that long ago AFC Telford squeaked back into National North against....someone.  They had backed and RETAINED their Manager Kevin Wilkin from when they were last at that level.  Whilst we burned through Lee Glover, Andy Leese, James Le Masurier, Richard Lavery and are casting about for our fifth Gaffer in just over two and a half seasons, Telford kept faith and were rewarded.

Think also of Paul Holleran at Leamington who has racked up over 700 games as Manager of a club roughly half our size and doing twice as well.  Leamington were relegated with us and Telford, and, with their Phil Mitchell look-a-like still calling the shots, went straight back up again.

But not for us such stability.  Not when we can have an annual bring-and-buy and see who fancies a year navigating the Burton bobbles before being given the boot.

Bake-Off Tent to Baked-hard pitch.
Is Hollywood swopping Prue for the Poppies?

2024-2025 So close to Perfection

Before we delve into the usual post-season glorious Poppies sh*tshow that's raging all around us, we thought we'd take a breath and take a cheery delve into the Top and Bottom Five of last season.  Who knows.  It might lighten the mood a bit as our players continue to drift away....

TOP FIVE MOMENTS

The FA Cup win against Farsley Celtic.  We absolutely bossed a team from the division we were turfed out of the season before.  The same team that had managed to hang onto their National North place season after season, finally at our expense.  It's sad what has happened to Farsley since, but we definitely gave them what-for when both them and us we're at full strength.

The FA Cup win at The Cobblers.  Well, duh.....

The league win away at Telford, when we completely wiped the floor with our promotion rivals.  They couldn't have complained had we doubled our score, so dominant we were on the night, outplaying them in every department.  That was the night when winning the League suddenly looked, if not a certainty, then at least a bloody good bet.

This season's Macaroni Cheese on sale at Sudbury.  After notching in our Top Five Moments last season with their spicy bean nachos, the cooks at AFC Sudbury had done it again!  The missus declared it "bloody delicious".  Not that I was permitted the opportunity of checking the quality of the repast for myself.  I'm sure it was far better than the game, although a dead rat on a stick would have been better than that game. 

The Play-Off Semi Final when we started to look the part again until.....

BOTTOM FIVE MOMENTS        

The Play-Off Final.

The Doncaster FA Cup game was close to making it into the category above, and if it wasn't for Troy Deeney's boyfriend Billy Sharp would certainly have done so.

Any of the dismal post FA Cup performances, such as away to Barwell, Harborough, Redditch, Banbury or Lowestoft or home to Bromsgrove, St Ives or Hitchin, where a couple of additional wins would have got us over the promotion line.

Isiah's bizarre departure to play for a crook whose team was headed for relegation.  Cost us BIG time.

The shilly-shallying about parking costs at Latimer Park.  Was it a charge?  Was it a voluntary contribution?  Months later and still no one knows - from Chairman down to supporters no one can say for certain.  All it did was raise a tiny amount of money at the expense of a lot of bad will.  An utterly avoidable own goal.

And a lovely little bonus bummer - 

An unnamed supporter known only as W*yne T*deswell helpfully suggesting to George that 60 is far too young to qualify for a concession ticket.  Obviously, always looking for that extra buck, George lapped up this suggestion like a man reaching an oasis after crawling on his belly for the full length of the Sahara desert.  And a big thank you to W*yne from all of us 58/59 year old supporters.

Connor Turns Terminator

After a dramatic, tension filled night at Latimer Park it’s certainly nice – and a great relief – to reflect on a performance that restored belief. Not to mention setting up an epic finale (we hope).

If there were home nerves before the game it was certainly understandable, as apart from one good win at Stourbridge we hadn’t really looked the part since Christmas. With nearly all the talent that took us to the heights still with the club it has been difficult to fathom the collective drop off. Discontent over wage demands?  Too much squad rotation?  New signings parachuted in?  Lavs and his touchline meltdowns?  The pizza van going missing for several crucial fixtures?  It all felt very ominous.  Many feared we were sitting ducks to be turned over by a brash and confident Harborough side.

But on the other hand, it was worth remembering that this was bloody Harborough Town, not PSG.  Yes they had a Brazilian, but a novelty version mostly there for media clicks. Over the course of the season they, like us, weren’t good enough to win automatic promotion. Liam Dolman wasn’t getting any younger, or less bulbous. And their fans, bless them, with their packet-fresh yellow scarves, were so new to all this they’d even made a sweet little banner that they tried to ripple overhead before folding it up and popping it in a nice quilted bag.

 Less tifo, more tea towel

Over the next two hours we saw a Kettering side seemingly revitalised, sweeping the ball to the wings, piling on the pressure and getting closer and closer without ever finding that killer finish. With just a normal conversion rate we’d have settled it long before the end, but thankfully our back five were also up to anything Harborough had to offer... with the odd scare. Lewis White’s phenomenal tackle close to the end literally kept our season alive.

And so to penalties. For us, the last thing we wanted. For Harborough, mission accomplished, judging by their efforts to eat up the clock and the hugs at the final whistle.

After 10 minutes to manage the fiendishly complicated business of two coin tosses, we were under way. Prayers were silently offered. Pints nervously sipped. Certain defeat was already being rationalised, to prepare for the blow. For those unable to bring themselves to watch, it went a little like this:

SAAAAVED

AAAAGH

SHIT!

NOOOO

DOUBLE SHIT

THANK GOD

YES!!!

YES!!!!!!

BOLLOCKS

COME ON!!!

YES BLOODY YES

NOOOOOOOOO

BAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR

BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR

Connor, what can you say.  It is of course inevitable that any home grown defender who carries on with a bloodstained head bandage is likened to Terry Butcher. But not only is Connor Johnson, despite his Kettering genes, far better looking than Terry Butcher, he topped anything Butcher ever managed by slamming home the winning pen with absolutely no hesitation.  In the process becoming both a genuine Poppies legend and an automatic pick for our 175^th anniversary game.

And now it’s time to rest, refocus, stitch up head wounds, find some spare parts for Wes, oil those tonsils and get ready to finish the job. 

Beat that Butcher 

Who's up for hating Harborough with me?

It hasn't taken long.  We've learned to despise Harborough Town quickly this season.  Case in point - the number of people on KTFC Chat who used to casually drop into the online conversation they might pop across and watch Harborough on a Saturday when we were away from home.  Those comments were often derided by the rest of us back then, but those same people wouldn't DREAM of mentioning this sort of thing now.

And why would anyone want to visit "Bowden Park" anyway?  It has to be the most perfunctory stadium ever to grace this level of football.  For all of Latimer Park's numerous drawbacks, it is roughly a thousand times better than Harborough's sterile junior-school-level facility.  We were only there a few months ago yet I can't recall a single feature of note from their stadium.

As a club they are another in the seemingly never-ending stream of outfits being promoted far beyond their natural level by mysteriously benevolent funding.  How else would they be able to afford the wages of puffy, baby-faced goal-getter Ben Stephens, or afford the constant fines of angry nutter Connor Kennedy, or indeed, afford the never-ending pork-pie bills totted up by Liam Dolman?  And Mitch Austin isn't cheap, despite all evidence to the contrary.

And what of Market Harborough itself.  Leaving aside the fact we all love their town centre and wish Kettering town centre was half as good, the place isn't worth a damn!  What with functioning infrastructure, plenty of shops, top quality butchers and fishmongers and thriving indoor market, there's almost nothing worth mentioning.  The godforsaken place even has a cinema and theatre in the town centre....I mean, what's that all about?

And what of Harborough's favourite sons and daughters?  Well, it is the birthplace of Elizabethan era witch Agnes Bowker who supposedly gave birth to a cat.  The town also produced the bass player from evil 70's revival band Showaddywaddy, notably famous for giving us all an easy Jimmy Savile impression.  And Harborough also gave us Simon Park, who's band inflicted us with the tune "Eye-level", better known as the painful ear-worm opening music to "Van der Valk".  No doubt the town has also spawned more than the national average per population of nonces and serial killers too, but, sadly, Wikipedia has come up short on the subject.

Anyway, here's to thrashing their arses on Wednesday.

Or squeaking past them with a bobbly deflected goal popping in off Jonny's knee.  I'm easy either way.

Agnes Bowker's angry looking pussy

Hear all about it!

With curious timing, another Poppies Podcast took to the airwaves (?) interweb (?) this week.  

Another one, I hear you ask.  Well, yes, there was one before, a few years ago - linked somewhere on the blog under the title "Tinhat Podcast" although now the link goes nowhere.  Ah well, another dead link on Patgod.  Periodically we have a bit of a tidy-up and knock off some of the dead links, but we've always left the original "Tinhat" link up in the vain hope that this brilliant website will one day return....

All too often Poppies fans get a bit carried away and set-up a blog / journal / podcast after a pint or two too many on a Saturday evening.  There's nothing like being slightly intoxicated to make you suddenly think that everyone MUST be interested in your unfiltered opinions. Sometimes they'll put a second article on several months later, starting with the line, "....well, it's been a while....." but invariably they've spaffed their entire Poppies-related thoughts on a single effort.

Now we have "The Poppycast" hosted via Spotify where a bunch of eager young and even younger Sheffield based Poppies fans have spent an hour talking all things end-of-season Poppies.  Well done in talking about our faltering performances for a full hour.  Roughly 58 minutes more than I could manage, that's for sure.  Fair play lads, but starting this endeavour with less than a week of the regular season to go, the timing is interesting.  

Hopefully your positivity will carry you through to another episode after next Saturday's final game of the season, and, hopefully a few more editions to come next season when we are back in your local manor in the National North.....

"Loza - top signing there by Lav."
"Yes, wise words mate!"

The last sip from the last drink in the last chance saloon

There was a lovely moment at last week's solid display and victory at Bishops Stortford when our winning, coupled with other latest scores around the division leapfrogged us back to the top of the table.  Were it not for Lowestoft's eventual capitulation to Bedford we would have entered the final bend of the season as favourites for the title.  But, unfortunately it's all "ifs" and "buts".  In the final analysis, it could be argued that we wouldn't really have deserved to come to the last three games of the season on top of the pile after our shoddy run over the past few months.

Let's be honest - assuming we don't overall Bedford, we'll always look back on this season as the "one that got away".  Unacceptable performances and defeats away to Barwell, Harborough, Redditch and Banbury in the bleak mid-winter helped chip away at the excellent league position we'd earned.  Then there was the blandest of bland 0-0 at freely-conceding Lowestoft which, possibly, hurt us even more.  These followed up with inexplicably poor efforts at home to Bromsgrove, St Ives and Hitchin well and truly ended our pre-eminence in the division.

Accepted wisdom is that Lavery lost some of the dressing room at this time.  True?  Who knows.  But we seemed to shed a few good players (and Bruno Andrade) to be replaced with a mixture of journeymen and random strikers we never actually saw.  While other teams strengthened, we weakened.  As the pitches became trickier we stopped creating chances.  I swear I could have scored as many as Jonny Edwards for all the scant chances he has had since Christmas.  And I probably would have scored the penalty at Stratford too....

It also seems to be an unspoken truth that Lavs will be heading for the exit at the end of the season.  I think this would be a mistake as he has shown a great eye for a player and coaxed some excellent performances from them over large stretches of the season which was a great relief after last season's stodgefest under Leese.  Does Lavs deserve another season?  Absolutely.  Why not?  Is there anyone better knocking around?

Another seemingly accepted rumour relates to the more hands-on ownership of George and Fabian and possibly a blurring of roles within the management hierarchy.  I have no idea if this is true, or even whether that might be a good or bad thing.  We do know that George is rightly proud of his footballing coaching and qualifications and that Fabian takes his role as footballing director seriously.  

But, is it the case that so many different footballing voices might ultimately confuse the players?  Rightly or wrongly, footballers are historically not entirely synonymous with intellectual heft, so potentially having numerous voices perhaps giving differing opinions might have been a contributory factor in our stumbling second half of the season?  Again, we'll never know for certain.

And what of a few panic signings that didn't particularly feature in Lavery's plans?  Tate Xavier Jones?  Cyrus Bubble-Gum?  What the hell were they about?  Were they players Lavery wanted or were presented with, because if he wanted them he sure didn't show it..... 

Well, before we all go back to work on Tuesday we should have a much better idea of how the season will finish, and a much better idea of where to present the plaudits in the happy event there are any to bestow.

Well, that was a waste of a snazzy graphic....

The bums the bums are squeaking

It's time to address the issue of the day.  Are we at the point when bums become squeaky? Or are we merely squeaky bum adjacent?

Bums were definitely on the edge of doing something even worse with 93 minutes on the clock against Telford. Up to then this had felt like a classic ‘day we blew the league’ much familiar in decades gone by. Salvaging something from the game felt about as likely as a clothes horse winning the Grand National. But seemingly untainted by the all round mediocrity he'd spent most of the previous 45 observing from the sidelines, Kai burst through to smash a stunning equaliser and abruptly silence the Telford end.

Can we now agree that Kai absolutely has to start every game if fit? And Nile too? Bringing Nile on as a late sub has now delivered two crucial assists in four days to keep our hopes alive, whereas Edwards has forlornly ploughed on, seemingly destined to never get a decent shot off again.

A whole blog could be devoted to the question of what has happened to Jonny and we all have our theories. To see Telford’s rampaging no.9 in action was to realise what we have been missing. If it’s just a confidence thing, we must hope that it will only take one scuffed effort that sneaks in to spark him into life. A resurgent Jonny, bullying the relatively easy pickings to follow after Stamford, could get us over the line.

With four teams almost tied on points this is effectively a mini league that will be won by whoever can avoid screwing up the most. There will be surprise defeats and contenders will take some points off each other. On paper our run in after this weekend is eminently winnable, except we have made hard work of beating middling teams. No one has a clue what will happen.     

A few weeks ago, it seemed likely that 80 points would be enough to win this league and that still seems probable. For us that means five wins, or maybe four wins and two draws. Can we afford another loss?  Seems not, but who knows in a division which is either ridiculously competitive, or lacking consistent quality, or both.

It would be ironic would it not, if after 42 games we think back to the very first, when we battered Halesowen in the second half but couldn’t quite salvage a draw.

But enough pessimism – people don’t read this blog for that kind of thing!   

Leave early?  Not a chance!

Suddenly, a 3-hour coach trip to Lowestoft is losing it's glamour

The club can confirm the departure of attacking midfielder Isiah Noel-Williams with immediate effect. Isiah made 35 appearances for the Poppies scoring 11 goals, most notably against Farsley Celtic and Doncaster Rovers in the Emirates FA Cup and 3 goals in his last 4 games for the club. Despite on-going contract negotiations before Christmas, the player has decided to leave to pursue other opportunities. The club thank Isiah for his contribution to Kettering Town FC.  

And with that blandest of bland statements one of the best players to pull on a Poppies top in recent years simply drifts out of Latimer Park.  A few weeks ago a midfield that could call upon a number of quality line-ups including the likes of Gary Stohrer, Dan Jarvis, Isiah Noel-Williams, Devon Kelly-Evans, Andy Thanoj, Kai Fifield, Luca Miller, Tyree Wilson and Wes York has been, by departures, injuries and mind-boggling loanings been much reduced.  Hopefully Andy, Tyree, Wes and the two new anonymous midfielders who have barely registered in my consciousness are able to turn our season around again but they are showing no signs of it.

Our FA Cup run truly seems to be the dividing point in our season.  Now, I wouldn't swop that afternoon at Sixfields for ANYTHING, but, it has to be said, that the end of our FA Cup story has seen us fall apart.

Since losing to Doncaster we've managed to win just 7 of our 17 league fixtures, losing a further 7.  And of those wins there were barely deserved wins against Sudbury and Leiston, who both must still be scratching their heads at how we escaped from Suffolk laden with maximum points.  Plus squeaky bums wins over Alvechurch and Bishops Stortford.  

Compare that to where we had, up to and including the Cobblers game, won 9 league games and 4 FA Cup games in a row.  And not just won them.  We had wiped the floor with most of our opponents.  We had been nothing short of imperious.  Other teams couldn't live with us.  The win at Telford in particular was so intoxicating that it had me giddily reaching for the phone to text the missus that, "....I think I might just have seen the Champions tonight...."  Ahem....

So, what happened to turn us from a team strolling to a title win to a team struggling to register attempts on goal, while seemingly conceding goals every time the ball is thrown into our penalty area?  Post TV coverage blues?  Perhaps.  Pitches getting heavier.  No doubt a factor.  

But it's been clear from what we have all seen and heard that the main problem has been players letting their standards drop and a Manager unable to coax them back to previous levels without personally falling out with them.  Suddenly a happy, large squad is reduced to a small, struggling rump of players where we can't put a run of wins together, niggly injuries and bans are shagging us and we've even managed to neuter the guaranteed goal-scoring beast that is Johnny Edwards.

Ironically, if we win all our remaining 9 games no-one can catch us.  We win the League.  But no-one is seriously considering this even for a minute.  Instead we are starting to worry about staying in the play-offs.  The win over the Cobblers seems to have been the turning point of our season.  Curiously, since that defeat the Cobblers have been making a decent fist of survival in League One.  Odd that they might end this season happier than us.  Who would have thought that as we filed, beaming with joy, out of Sixfields just a few months ago?

Just down the A6.
You can't miss it.