"First Goddamn Week of Winter"

So said the character of R.J. MacReady, played by Kurt Russell in director John Carpenter's1982 body horror classic, "The Thing."  Stranded in Antarctica, standing in the ruins of an exploded helicopter alongside the corpse of a murdered Norwegian, unaware that a monstrous shape-shifting alien parasite is about to kill all of his colleagues, MacReady bemoans the commencement of the annual cold season.

And yet, MacReady's reaction seems mild when compared to a number of Poppies supporters the past week over the postponement of a couple of games of semi-professional football.

We genuinely do appear to have a smattering of supporters who seem to believe we should have a dispensation from frozen conditions and that any fixture cancellation is a complete and utter failing of the club.  The perennial subject of "The Sheets" is raised once again.  Not that we really know what "The Sheets" entail or what they can protect us from.  I'm pretty certain that over the years I've read people on social media bemoaning our lack of "The Sheets" when we've lost games to frost, snow, rain, drought or even the opposition still being involved in the later rounds of the Trophy.

With League One and League Two games tumbling to the cold today, despite, no doubt, sheets galore being deployed, one has to wonder about the basic economics of such an investment for a club at our level.  I may be miles out, but I seem to recall a figure IRO 20K mentioned somewhere for sheets that may or may not allow your game to proceed.  Assuming, of course, you can call upon a small army of volunteers to lay and then remove the said sheets over the course of the week building up to the game.  Having once helped with such an operation at f*cking Non Park of all places, I can attest to this being hard work, and certainly not achievable in 5 minutes.  And when you are heaving acres of heavy fabric you get a better sense of just how large football pitches are.

But none of this means anything when social media commentators start bitching about a game being off that, in all probability, they might have swerved themselves anyway because it was too cold.  Usually on the Thursday before a prospective postponement some bright spark will suggest the Club magic up some sheeting and wonder why we hadn't already bought some, bloated as we are with FA Cup run money.  A handful will bemoan why we don't have Championship-level contingencies in place to protect a UCL level pitch.  A few will throw the odd accusation around about the club not fancying playing.  The odd dullard will choose this moment to announce they are going to watch Harborough Town today anyway....

The upshot is the club DOESN'T have frost sheets.  Nor the manpower to deploy them.  Given the amount of League One games succumbing today it is doubtful "The Sheets" would have saved today's game anyway.  So, stay home, knock the thermostat up a degree or two, dig out that half-full bottle of Advocat you couldn't entirely force down your Aunt at Christmas and get uber-eats up on your speed dial.  At 3pm, fire up the VCR and slip your ancient "John Carpenter's The Thing" cassette in and crank up the telly.  Believe me, the guys in the movie are in for an almost as bad a 90 minutes than we were going to endure against Alvechurch.

"Couple of pints of lager please Gary"

Reason to hate Redditch - No. 246

Redditch, Redditch, Redditch.  Like stubborn dog sh*t on our shoe we can never quite shake them off.

Anytime we get relegated or promoted, BANG! There they are.  As welcome as thrush and just as difficult to be rid of.  We have to drag ourselves once again to their eternally miserable wreck of a stadium and put up with their angry, grizzling supporters.

Why?  Why us?

This season, just to add a further unwelcome twist of crapulence, the game is to be segregated, meaning we will be denied access to their warm club house - by far the best part of the stadium.  Why segregation?  Is the thought of a successful Poppies bringing a few hundred fans across to their blighted, urban, spunk-bubble of a town so scary?  It's not as if there is a problem with the two sets of supporters.  They are all mouth and accent.  We're all too old and gnarled.

The closest I've ever seen to a dust-up at Redditch was last season when the two Managers faced off against each other.  Given that their manager looked like a steroid-ravaged, cage-fighting, angry bouncer from a Scouse drinking pit and our manager was cuddly Andy Leese, I wouldn't have given our boy much of a chance.....about the same his team had.

On one memorable trip to their charming town we pretty much had to step over a couple junkies enjoying the fruit of their labours in a multi-storey carpark stairwell.  After spending another dreary afternoon at the Valley I gave serious consideration to reaching for the needle myself and tucking into some blessed chemical-based relief.

Why God, WHY?

...And it's a Goodnight from him....

As Lavery's playing staff shuffle continues, departures were always going to be inevitable.  In his, so far,  successful attempt to keep the chasing pack in touch with his previously imperious Poppies, the rotating door at Latimer Park has slapped the arses of a few players recently.

Even though our stunt signings Gary Hooper and Marvin Sordell still appear as players on our website, there's been scant evidence of them in the post FA Cup, only-5-on-a-bench fixtures.  Are we likely to see either of them again?  Don't know.  Don't really care.

And what of Sidik Atcha, who is patently not in Lavery's plans but was previoulsy to such an extent that he was handed a coveted Poppies contract.  Which I guess is why he's being loaned out by the club to all and sundry rather than cut adrift.

Unlike the above players, this week's departures cut into the meat of the playing squad.  First off, there's the inexplicably highly-regarded Bruno Andrade.  Sorry, but beyond filling a shirt and always giving about 60%, I've never quite seen what it was Bruno brought to the team.  Fascinating fact though - he made two debuts for the Poppies, both away to St Ives.  In the first debut last season he stood around while St Ives ran riot and thumped 6 past us.  In this year's re-debut Bruno scored a lovely goal in our 3-0 FA Cup win.  And pretty much, that was that from Bruno.  He could barely hold his place in last season's Poppies team, so had no chance nailing a spot in the current team.

Dan Jarvis is a different proposition.  Yes, he could drift in and out of games and have spells of anonymity.  But he is also a very skilful player who could walk into any team in this division.  Last year he was one of very few positives to come from that turgid season.  He scored a few goals and played a substantial part in keeping us from slipping even further down the football pyramid.  He also won the "Player of the Season" award, during an admittedly thin season.  You were left wondering how he'd look in a better team.  Well, we soon found out, and the answer was, he looked pretty good!

He carried on where he left off last season, looking quality, scoring goals and leaving fullbacks on their arses with his patented "Jarvis-jiggle", which, to this day, I can't describe or figure out except to say that no defender could read it either*  Dan has joined the sizeable ex-Poppies contingent at Banbury where I just know he'll cause us problems if we ever actually play them this season.

Remember we liked you and please take it easy on us....

*didn't take long.....