WhatsAppening

George: Welcome to the Poppies manager shortlist group

Liam: Shortlist? I thought I was nailed on

George: You were but we have been impressed by the quality, diversity and experience of applicants

Liam: Meaning?

Lavs: Hi guys

Liam: You’ve changed your tune!

George: Let’s keep it friendly

Lavs: So, is it just us then?

Cox: Thanks for adding me, George! Great to be back

George: Nothing is decided yet Paul. I thought it might save time to answer a few questions together

Lavs: Like why is Kai out on loan?

George: Ha ha, not my decision

Fabian: Sorry I’m late guys

George: No worries. Now each of you, why do you want this job?

Liam: Well as I said before, I know this league, I know how to get out of it, I have good contacts and a full, clean driving licence

Cox: I have unfinished business at this football club. It’s a massive football club. It’s a football club that belongs at a higher level and I want to deliver that for the football club

Lavs: What he said, plus it’s boring not going ballistic on a Saturday afternoon

George: Next question – what have you been doing since you were last in management?

Liam: Watching players, maintaining contacts, preparing for a new challenge

Cox: Getting my advanced diploma in boilerplate management speak and applying for this job on the 14 occasions it has come up since

Lavs: Gloating, mostly

George: Ok, now how do you feel about working with a director of football?

Liam: I’m prepared to give it a try

Cox: I’ll do what is best for the football club to achieve success for the football club because it’s a massive football club

Lavs: Can we take this off-line?

Fabian: LOL, still got your sense of humour Lavs!

George: Last question – what commitment can you give to managing this club?

Liam: If appointed I will give 110% each and every day to make Kettering a force in non-League football again

Lavs: I will work in perfect harmony with Fabian to draw upon his unrivalled eye for talent 

Cox: I will pledge my unwavering loyalty to Kettering and not be tempted as soon as a job comes up at a club with a slightly nicer ground 

Lavs: Yeah right

Cox: You started it!

George has left the group

Wanted: A Boring Period of Stability

The end, when it came, was quick. And even – we’re led to believe – voluntary. If Hollyhead did indeed resign then he deserves credit for acknowledging his situation. If it wasn’t his decision, it was still the right one. 

An odd appointment that left fans distinctly underwhelmed from the outset, he tried to generate goodwill by airing his credentials as a people manager and overpraising the same supporters who were eyeing him suspiciously from day one. Some early optimism was generated, true – right until we met a well drilled Harborough side who probably don’t hear a lot of pseudo scientific coaching jargon from Mitch Austin. Pretty soon wheels were starting to wobble and it wasn’t even September.

Warning signs included the will-he-won’t-he Nile Ranger saga, Lobjoit’s sudden absence, a substitution tantrum or two, the limp FA Cup exit and being shredded by Spalding. By the time we had exited the Trophy also without a whimper and Ranger was in open revolt only to keep his starting place at Alvechurch having apparently already left the club, it was hard to shake the feeling that Mr Hollyhead (“call me Simon”) was the nice supply teacher who had lost control of the class. 

So yes he was the wrong choice for the job, ill equipped to handle some disruptive characters and in diffident touchline body language an interesting contrast with Lavs going berserk and Leese waving his arms in disgust. It was hard to imagine Hollyhead rousing the troops with a punchy half-time talk. It was easy to imagine them leaving the dressing room muttering “anyone understand any of that?”.

But the problem is wider than one person and pre-dates him. It was a factor, possibly THE factor, in the departure of his predecessor, and will continue to be a handicap unless addressed. We refer of course to the fact we have a director of football.

The fundamental question is why have a DoF at all? The vast majority of clubs in this country below elite level do not have one. It’s not just a question of budget, more that they are not complex enough organisations to require one. Countless team managers across the pyramid find that they are able to handle scouting, strategy, recruitment AND send the right team out on Saturday. They wouldn’t have it any other way. However they’re all wrong and we’re right. Only a DoF can provide the necessary clarity of vision to achieve strategic alignment and… yeah yeah yeah. And presumably pick up pearls like Brandon Barker, who drifted through 5 appearances without ever needing his kit to be washed. 

Which is the next question. If we must have a DoF, can he be a little bit better at recruitment? No one can possibly be expected to always get it right, but there’s a strong pattern of players coming in who are inferior replacements, often with an alarmingly long CV for their age – which surely is a warning. And then when we do pick up an apparent gem, turns out he’s already convicted of a crime likely to lead to jail. Superb vetting there. Still, at least Fabian had the contacts to sign his own son.

As long as nothing changes in terms of the club’s management structure and calibre of decision making we are likely doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes. There is a lot at stake here. Off the field a huge amount of good work has been done in the last year or so to recreate enthusiasm, but so much hinges on getting punters through the gate – and the mood music is not looking good. 

A positive of Hollyhead going so soon is there is still a lot of time to turn this season around. But what kind of candidate are we looking for now? Another continental-style coach (whatever that means in the seventh tier), condemned to try to make the best of the motley collection assembled for him? Or a credible alternative who will be given authority to have the final say on recruitment – and have that kept free of interference. 

If the latter, to labour the point, why have a DoF at all? 

Kettering, Kettering......

....why do you make it so hard for us?  We want to support and adore you, but you make it so difficult sometimes.  Why?  Why drive us into a whirlwind of doubt and fear when you could make it so much easier for everyone?

Obviously by losing a wedge of games you are going to annoy a small section of the fanbase who simply cannot grasp HOW it can come to pass that we don't finish every game victorious, with our opponents crumpled at our feet.  The same people who bemoan that they have just seen, "the worst Poppies performance EVER" whenever those playing us dare even to compete.  These people are never going to be happy campers within the wider Poppies fraternity.  It's victory ever week or they will throw a wobbler.  You can't keep these people happy and you shouldn't try to.

Others lose the faith whenever rumours begin to swirl about unhappy or unpaid players and immediately jump to conclusions whenever a disgruntled player posts literally anything vaguely critical and poorly punctuated on social media.  Their instinct is to blindly believe anything said by a player or even a friend of a friend of someone who once spoke to a player's cousin.  A player leaving us can only be irrefutable evidence of the imminent winding-up of the club and that we should all organise a boycott straight away.  Unfortunately, conspiracy theorists can rarely be argued with on any sane level, so it's also difficult to keep these guys happy either.

But the vast majority of us are far more balanced and even-handed when it comes to our support for and understanding of the club.  We don't worship at the feet of the owners when we turn over the Cobblers in the FA Cup, but also don't burn them in effigy when we ship a 95th minute equaliser.  We are the quiet majority.  We may not praise the club to high heaven and tattoo the names of players onto our torsos in the good times, but we also don't shy away from midweek fixtures in February either.  The problem is, when THESE supporters are pondering what is going on at the club it's pretty clear there are questions for the Board of Directors and Management Committee to answer.

This week's second departure of Nile Ranger seems to be the latest tipping-point for the majority of the fan base.  Not simply the fact he's (probably) gone.  Players come and go.  That's football.  Doubly so in the NN15 postcode area.  It's not even that some of our support have a wildly-inflated view of Nile's talents well beyond what the rest of us can see.  

It's accepted knowledge he was on a ridiculously good screw at the Poppies.  Not that Nile was the only overly expensive trinket we seem to have acquired - we now have a shiny, seemingly enormously-expensive scoreboard.  The club has also splashed out on refurbishing a local community centre for reasons not entirely apparent to most of us, seeing that we already have an under-utilised, recently refurbished clubhouse at Latimer Park.  It's not clear if the costs of these projects are hung round the necks of the owners or the club itself, but both seem indulgent when, at the same time, we'll soon be stumbling down to the carpark in almost complete darkness after a post-match stop-off to our rudimentary toilet facilities.  Upgrades that may not be as flashy as scoreboards or community centres, but improvements far more necessary to the average supporter.

Stir into the steaming pot of discontentment the ever-swirling rumours of shoddy accounting, unpaid bills, court cases, volunteers stepping away and the constant appeals for free labour and you soon have a bubbling stew of suspicion.  

Even the least-demanding, incurious Poppies fan (assuming such a beast exists) is left wondering what is going on at Latimer Park. Without a Cup run or romping to the top of the table to distract the supporters there are a lot of questions we are looking to have answered.  With,"Is Hollyhead the right man for the job" being the very least of them.

Simon Hollyhead - another Poppies
Manager visibly ageing in front of us....

Double-Barrel Blasts from the Past

We at Patgod Towers were jolted by a couple of unexpected reminders of Rockingham Road days in the past week.  It is difficult for supporters of our mighty age to fully grasp just how long we have been absent from our spiritual home.  Our last competitive game at our old stadium took place on the 30th April 2011 when 1400 of us watched the final game of the 2010-11 season blithely unaware it would be for the last time.  Two late Poppies goals relegated our opponents of the day, Southport, from the National League.  At least temporarily.  Within days Southport were reprieved as a tsunami of crap overwhelmed Rushden & Direones and then very nearly dragged us down too.  But this is a story oft discussed and doesn't need to be aired again.  At least not today.

A player called Jon Challinor scored our third goal that day back in Spring 2011, and by extension the last goal scored at Rockingham Road.  He had been a bit-part player for the second half of the season and this was his only goal for Kettering.  We wasn't retained for the following season, when we were too busy eyeing up the vistas of Nonce Park and plundering Real Madrid for players to bother with the likes of Challinor, a player who was the very definition of "journeyman".  Early 30's and more clubs than whichever golfer is named these days to suggest "a lot of clubs".  Sorry, but I still say Jack Nicholas, and even I know that immediately dates me!

But, something almost magical happened with Jon.  Rather than rack up another couple of dozen clubs before hanging up his boots he found HIS club.  Since 2013 he has piled-up a magnificent 400+ appearances for a single club.  This would be an entirely lovely, heartwarming story were it not for the fact that the club in question is the fetidly inbred collection of nerks and half-wits at Stamford.  But, if we can overlook this enormous issue for a moment, it is quite the achievement he is still pulling on boots at this level in his mid 40's.  And while he continues to do so there's still someone out there playing who played for us in that last match at Rockingham Road, and, despite him bench-warming for Drury's bunch of fuckwit, bumpkin arsewipes, I find this a comforting thought.  There are frighteningly few of them left.  Brett and Danny Mills are another couple who played in that last game that are still tottering around.

An ancient, knackered Jon Challinor
is assisted from the field of play
by the scary killer from Nic Roeg's
masterful movie "Don't Look Now."

Another complete shock of a former Rockingham Road luminary cropped up the other day when I was startled to find that Nathan Koo Boothe was back at the Poppies!  Don't worry - not as a player!!!

Seemingly Nathan is our "Individual Performance Coach", whatever this might entail and rejoined the club at the start of this season in a move which I'd completely missed.  Nathan's playing career couldn't have been more different to Jon's.  If Wikipedia is to be believed he racked up less than 70 career appearances, against Jon's coming up to 900.  Well over half of Nathan's scant appearances were for the Poppies both at Rockingham Road and Nonce Park.  

I don't think it unfair to say Nathan would make no-one's list of All-time Poppies Greats.  Or make the Team of the Year in any of the seasons he was with us.  Or, frankly, make any reasonable Poppies XI at any time.  But, in the continued atmosphere of bonhomie this article seems to have been written in, let's draw a line under Nathan's inability to run, head or kick a ball and remember him as someone who played for us at venerable Rocky Road.  And not simply recall him when I ironically bought his signed away shirt for a fiver during one of the many last-gasp fire-sales at Nonce Park when the club attempted to flog anything that wasn't nailed down. 

Good luck Nathan as our "Individual Performance Coach" which, curiously, is nowhere near the strangest job-title amongst our backroom staff!

It's great to have Nathan back.
In a strictly non-playing capacity.