Corby finally denied something shock!

News has reached us that Corby will NOT be the centre of a new "University of North Northamptonshire."


Corby MP Phil Hope replied to this almost unique instance of Corby not getting what it wanted with the measured and statesman-like response of spitting his dummy out and exclaiming, "Don't these people know who they're f**king with?"


The Higher Education Funding Council (HEFCE) knocked back the plan to give Corby a University, reasoning that it would be, "An absolute waste of time offering degree level courses to the brain-dead, drugged-up, wannabe-jock, knob-jockeys who infest that town."


We asked a local Corby youth for his opinion on this story. He offered to, "Blow yous for the price of a can of Irn Bru", and then pulled out a knife and chased us down the road.

Issue 8 - The next 10 years of County football

The centrepiece of issue 8 was our mammoth look ahead to the various fortunes of the County's senior clubs over the following 10 years. We'll be the first to admit that it didn't turn out 100% accurate, but some of the nuttier stuff we suggested became a lot truer than we feared!

We have split the 10-years into a couple of manageable portions - you don't want to burst your sides badly at a single sitting do you?

This may seem familiar material as an enterprising Chatterboxer, entirely unfamiliar with the laws covering plagiarism and intellectual property, took it upon himself to post part of the article. We would have consulted our lawyers, but we don't entirely understand what those terms mean either.

A Manchester City fanzine did re-use the piece wholesale, with some obvious name changes, but as they included the Poppies as the team sweeping all before them instead of Rushden, we let it go that time. Next time, their multi-Zillionaire owners better get ready to write some hefty cheques!

Here we go then, buckle up for a glimpse of things to come, reflecting the past as seen from the future....


1990-1991 Season

Rushden Town win the Beazer Homes League by a landslide and the Trophy in a Final against Telford (as usual).

Northampton Town steer clear of relegation to the Conference by a massive 2 points. The seating capacity is further reduced to just 8 (not including dugout space). Supporters find themselves having to book 4 years in advance for a seat.

Corby Town get stuffed by everyone every week and switch their games to provide pre-match entertainment for the athletics meetings.

Kettering Town finish 2nd in the G.M.V.C.


1991 –1992 Season

Rushden Town win promotion to the Football League after their first year in the Conference. Manager Roger Ashby says, “The lads done me and the town proud.”

Northampton Town announce the start of construction of their very own ground. Chairman Dick Underwood says, “We feel that this is what a club of our stature needs. It’s what the board, the team, the fans, and the cricket club wants They told me they were sick of people running onto their square to fetch the ball back.

Corby Town are relegated into the second division of the Beazer Homes League. Their manager says, “I’m pretty confident we can bounce back from this setback.”

Kettering Town finish 2nd in the G.M.V.C.


1992 –1993 Season

Rushden sweep to the top of the 4th Division and take the title by 25 clear points. Their ground’s capacity is increased to 25,000. Manager Roger Ashby says, “The lads have pulled it off brilliantly.”

Northampton Town avoid relegation by virtue of least goals conceded through overhead scissor kicked back passes by registered disabled Anglo-Ethiopian centre forwards. Chairman Dick Underwood says, “Obviously we’re upset at finishing so low, but I think things will get better when we move to our new purpose built stadium.”

Corby Town are relegated to the premier feeder league to the Beazer Homes league. Their manager says, “I’m certainly down right now, but don’t write Corby of just yet.”

Kettering Town finish 2nd in the G.M.V.C.


1993 –1994 Season

Rushden Town win the Third Division and reach the quarterfinals of the FA Cup. Further success comes with the winning of the Lada Cup, formerly the Leland DAF Cup. Roger Ashby says, “The boys got stuck in well and deserve all their success.”

Northampton Town’s new ground isn’t yet completed. They have to ground share with Peterborough Utd after the cricket team threw them out for wrecking Curtley Ambrose’s run up. They avoid relegation due to a clerical error at the F.A. who mistakenly relegate Southampton to the Conference. A F.A. spokesman commiserated with Southampton who had finished the season 3rd in the First Division, but insisted his hands were tied once the decision had been made. Chairman Dick Underwood says, “It seems someone up there likes us.”

Corby Town suffered another poor season, being relegated to the East Midlands Alliance. New player-manager Neil Edwards says, “It would be folly to write us off. The feeling in the squad is reasonably high, considering.”

Kettering Town finish 2nd in the G.M.V.C.


1994 – 1995 Season

Rushden win the Second Division title in a nail-biting final game against a rapidly deteriorating Liverpool who began to falter as a major force when they employed Emelyn Hughes as team manager. A place in the Cup Winners Cup was guaranteed when they beat Man Utd 7-1 in the F.A. Cup Final. Further ground developments are made, boosting the ground capacity to 50,000. Manager Roger Ashby says, “It’s been a pretty meteoric rise for us.”

Northampton’s new ground is still not quite ready and they avoid relegation by switching to sharing with Northampton Spencer. The letter of expulsion from the league arrives at Peterborough and they are displaced from Division Four. Chairman Dick Underwood says, “The builders have had a few problems interpreting our design for the ground, but I am confident we’ll be able to move in soon.”

Corby Town are relegated from the East Midlands Alliance for fielding too many crap players and join the Kettering Sunday League. Player-manager Neil Edwards says, “We’re certainly leaving ourselves with a lot to do.”

Kettering Town finish 2nd in the G.M.V.C.

Notts Unravelling

For sheer entertainment value the ongoing events at Notts County take some beating. To recap on developments so far this week:

Sunday – County blow a two goal lead against Torquay, but live on Sky and in front of a pack of reporters from the nationals.
Monday – Ian McParland is sacked before the clocks go back, a surprise only to those who predicted he’d be gone by the end of August.
Tuesday – the vacancy is linked with ex Inter boss Roberto Mancini, who is “thought to have ambitions to manage in England”. Love to see the look on his face when he takes that call.
Wednesday – Sven turns down approach from North Korea to take them to South Africa, or was it South Africa to take them to North Korea?

This all has the feel of a perfect storm of everything that is wrong with modern football being played out as a parable before our eyes.

Greed (“So Sven what first attracted you to the millionaire Notts County?”)

Shadowy Owners (yet to be actually identified, sheltering behind faintly preposterous acronyms like QADBAK, which sounds like it might be the Iranian secret service or maybe the new 4x4 from Daihatsu)

Silly Expectations (talk of a five year plan to get to the Premier League – always a five year plan isn't it, never fulfilled)

Ridiculous Signings (“So Sol, what first attracted…” – ok we’ve done that one already) - not forgetting the Clueless Chairman (the brilliantly named Peter Trembling, whose moniker doubles as a job description).

For fans of a club who less than a year ago were soundly dumped out of the Cup by little old us and must have been watching Eastwood’s rise a trifle nervously, this must at one stage have seemed like salvation.

What fools, the arrival of Eriksson should have been ample warning that something was amiss. From Man City to Meadow Lane via Mexico, quite a career shift and the only reason he wound up there was Big Phil beat him to the Uzbekistan job.

Having Eriksson on the payroll is looking increasingly like the death rattle and we can only hope his next port of call is youth team coach at Diamonds.

For the rest of us the comedy just keeps on coming. Indeed it would come as no shock to eventually learn that the whole thing is an elaborate hoax cooked up by a Forest fan called Dave from Beeston.

A Saturday Day Off

Amazingly Wrexham actually had some of their players playing in the Welsh Under 21 game today. I say amazing, because if you'd seen how ineffectual the Wrexham players were when we won easily at the Racecourse a few weeks ago, the last thing you would imagine is any of these players playing International football at any level. And that includes Subbuteo.


But Under 21's seems to be a curious level of national recognition. Irvin Gernon played for England at that level! OK, the National boss was his former club Manager, but still that's pretty impressive achievement for a player with such a moderate amount of talent. On the subject of small talent, who can forget Nathan Koo-Boothe's Under 21 International status?

Certainly not we fans who were forced to read about it in matchday programmes the length and breadth of Conference North. Wow, the opposition fans must have thought, he must be good. They are soon cured of this opinion 45 seconds after kick-off and his third consecutive clearance goes straight in the air. One can only assume that when he played, the entire island of Jamaica had only 11 men under the age of 21. Mind you, even then he should have been on the bench.


In the absence of Poppies action today we all had to find something else to waste 90 minutes of our life on. Not being some sort of sad-case groundhopper who simply must watch 22 men huff and puff after a seemingly greasy ball, even though they don't especially care who wins, I got as far away from football as possible. Or so I thought. I found that even traipsing around Fineshade Woods you can't quite escape football. One of the RSPB volunteers at the woods was a certain Geoff Williamson, former Poppies director, under the reign of Gingell the Glorious.


Should I have said hello? Should I have mentioned to him that in my younger days I used to draw nasty little cartoons in which he prominently appeared? Should I have asked him where all the money went to during his tenure? Nah, it was a nice sunny day, and it's always easier to be brave from behind your keyboard!

Patgod Issue 8 - Start of 90/91 season

Obviously nothing was happening in our private lives during the summer of 1990 as we had a spanking new issue of PATGOD out for the start of the new season. That, or we were all fired up by our National team's oh-so-close brush with winning the World Cup in Italy that we rushed t our typewriters and grabbed the carbon sheets in excitement. At least, we thought, we'll never take penalties THAT badly again!

It would be fair to say that the previous season had proved to be disappointing for the Poppies after the one before. No trips to Charlton, that's for sure. We had to face the inescapable conclusion that we had started the damn fanzine just one season too late!

The moderate nature of the 1989-90 season was such that, on the odd occasion, we had been slightly critical of the direction the club was heading. We also knew those running the club had read these comments, and, in all probability, held different views. The two viewpoints came to a head at the end of season bash at the Royal where we were ambushed by Peter Morris and Cyril Gingell and told in no uncertain terms that our views were unwelcome as an unpaid VAT bill, and that the fanzine wouldn't be welcome at Rockingham Road again. God alone knows how they would have reacted if the internet had existed then, and they were inundated with negative supporter views on an daily, or in some cases, hourly basis.

There was some good stuff in this issue. Hopefully we'll have scanned some of the better bits and put them on the blog the next time you come back! In the meantime here's a little picture of Peter Morris in happier times, during his catalogue modelling days....

"Always call it the Scottish Play"

Talking about past efforts to relocate the Poppies has reminded us of one of Mallinger's last efforts in that regard. Showing a sharpness of purpose which was sadly absent when negotiating Peter Morris's 30-year contract extension, PM hit upon the idea of combining our new ground with a new theatre. The poor excuse for a theatre on St Mary's Road was in it's last year, and it was common knowledge that the wife of then leader of Kettering council was of a theatrical bent.

It seemed a workable idea. Build both a football ground and theatre on the same site. Presumably using the same car park, if not the same dressing rooms. Hamlet in a jockstrap works about as well as Lee Harper wearing make-up and tights. Damn, that image won't disappear out of my head for a while...

All of the interested parties were invited up to the social club to look over the plans. Suddenly I was in the surreal environment of a room half filled with our assorted freaks and gumbies, and half-filled with theatrical luvvies wondering what the hell they'd let themselves in for. It was a sight to behold. On the same table you had one of our cross-eyed, beenie hat wearing gimps from the villages, alongside retired brigadiers and JPs wearing cravats and and Panama hats. Bernie probably shifted more of those individual red wine bottle that evening than over the previous half a dozen seasons.

Speakers from the theatrical side of the room spoke eloquently and projected their clear voices during the debate, enunciating vigorously the need for this new venture to succeed for the sake of both partners in this endeavour. Our half-wits cheered when a glass was dropped.

Of course, as ever, nothing came from this meeting. Other than half a room of people deciding to burn their clothes once they got home.

But it wasn't all bad news. Although the Poppies were allowed to limp on, somehow the funds were mysteriously accrued to build a new theatre in the town. It just shows what can be done when the political will is engaged, a group of dedicated people put the effort in, and, of course your hubbie runs the council!

Grounds for Concern

The latest, completely unsurprising twist in the seemingly eternal saga to prise us away from Rockingham Road has left us without a ground backer and looking for help from our ineffectual Council. It would be interesting to know if any Council in the country has assisted it's premier sporting club less than Kettering Borough Council? Have they ever lifted a finger to assist an institution which puts their town on the map more during one good cup run than they can manage with a couple of decade's worth of initiatives and website relaunches, and having cheese and biscuits with a bunch of Krauts we happen to be twinned with?

Without Asda's backing it would appear we are back to square one on the new ground front. Being on old bugger with dodgy recall (it'll come to you too, mark my words!) I can't actually recall why 2012 is the year we need to be out of Rockingham Road. What happens in 2012 other than the Olympics coming to London and the end of the world according to the Mayans? And don't we have the protection in law that our ground cannot be used for anything except hoofball until we have an alternative venue? I'm sure I remember this from somewhere in the past.... Has this changed too?

On the subject of a new ground a number of our former, future locations have been in the news recently. Remember Cohen's Yard? We couldn't go there because the traffic once every fortnight might impact upon the car park known as the A14. This didn't stop other developers being granted permission to build numerous retail and business units on the exact spot where our occasional use would have brought gridlock to the County. Perhaps our bribes weren't big enough?

The delightful old scrapyard was scrupulously buffed-up and infrastructure put in place. Then the credit crunch happened. Next thing, the developers are insisting every unit be sold BEFORE they start building. Mmm. The site could remain as it is for many years, unless an enterprising young Asian steps in....

Another mooted site was the Weekly Glebe playing fields, which now look like they are going to be concreted over to make a new Academy for numerous of our local delinquents. It would replace Montague school which is all of 30 years old, and obviously completely decrepit! When I was at Stamford Road school our textbooks were older than that!

I don't know if the area between the top of Deeble Road and Barton Seagrave was ever a serious contender, but it looks as though we'll lose out there too, to 5000 new houses that we are told are needed, although again, no one can quite remember why.

All in all, the land is disappearing pretty damned quickly. But hey, who knows. Maybe our Council will take a leaf from Ebbsfleet's Council and recognise that the town's football club, even a poor one, is worth saving?