It’s a great time to be a copper.
We are decked out with enough flashy equipment for us to think of ourselves as Robocop or Judge Dredd.
We have Community Support Officers out in the street doing most of our job for us.
We can use “anti-terrorism” laws at our own discretion, whether we are breaking an Al-Qaeda cell, clubbing a bystander at a demonstration, or spying on parents lying about their address to get their kids into a better school.
We have television programmes like “Life on Mars” and “Ashes to Ashes” where the old-school “He fell down the stairs, Guv” method of policing is positively glorified. Good on yer, Gene!
Best of all, we get to tell little football clubs exactly which games we will descend upon in force. Hundreds of officers to keep the peace, maintain safety and uphold the law at potential flashpoints such as a game with Mansfield where there is a history of, well, nothing actually. And nothing at all to do with earning a bit of double-bubble. No way. Perish the thought!
This season, as the Poppies were back in the big time against huge clubs like Eastbourne and Histon we could pretty much write our own cheques couldn’t we? Even better, we can get our mates in the dog-handling divisions and our buddies in the mounted section to join in the fun. Hell, we can even invite our pal in the police helicopter to join in the party. It’s probably best to hold back on the armed response boys, at least until another water bottle is thrown onto the pitch!
It’s all good. The football club can afford it. Ho ho, it’s all good stuff. Mind you, we won’t invite the Community Support Officers along on this one. Oh no. That wouldn’t do at all. Best leave them on the front line, up against the hardened criminals, armed only with the power to talk and phone for help. They don’t have the training to sit around in the sun, playing cards and picking up a decent wad for watching a game of football.
Roll on next season. Luton and Wimbledon eh? That should help pay for my conservatory!
We are decked out with enough flashy equipment for us to think of ourselves as Robocop or Judge Dredd.
We have Community Support Officers out in the street doing most of our job for us.
We can use “anti-terrorism” laws at our own discretion, whether we are breaking an Al-Qaeda cell, clubbing a bystander at a demonstration, or spying on parents lying about their address to get their kids into a better school.
We have television programmes like “Life on Mars” and “Ashes to Ashes” where the old-school “He fell down the stairs, Guv” method of policing is positively glorified. Good on yer, Gene!
Best of all, we get to tell little football clubs exactly which games we will descend upon in force. Hundreds of officers to keep the peace, maintain safety and uphold the law at potential flashpoints such as a game with Mansfield where there is a history of, well, nothing actually. And nothing at all to do with earning a bit of double-bubble. No way. Perish the thought!
This season, as the Poppies were back in the big time against huge clubs like Eastbourne and Histon we could pretty much write our own cheques couldn’t we? Even better, we can get our mates in the dog-handling divisions and our buddies in the mounted section to join in the fun. Hell, we can even invite our pal in the police helicopter to join in the party. It’s probably best to hold back on the armed response boys, at least until another water bottle is thrown onto the pitch!
It’s all good. The football club can afford it. Ho ho, it’s all good stuff. Mind you, we won’t invite the Community Support Officers along on this one. Oh no. That wouldn’t do at all. Best leave them on the front line, up against the hardened criminals, armed only with the power to talk and phone for help. They don’t have the training to sit around in the sun, playing cards and picking up a decent wad for watching a game of football.
Roll on next season. Luton and Wimbledon eh? That should help pay for my conservatory!
No comments:
Post a Comment