"Don't Panic!"

It's not often that the worlds of "Dads Army", "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy", and the "Poppies" collide, but perhaps they should do so more often.

In view of the near hysteria generated by a couple of under-par pre-season friendlies, and the Club's inability to sign at least half a dozen stars from the World Cup, everyone should bear in mind where we are in relation to the forthcoming season and calm down a bit.

We are a few games into the warm-ups, with the start of the season almost a month away. Our strikers are absent, presumed crocked or missing on honeymoon, and we are losing to teams that are much better than us. Of course we're not firing on all cylinders yet. Football is these people's jobs, and they are just "clocking-in".

If we equate a football season to a day at work, the pre-season friendlies sort of come before the real working day begins.

You know - you've accidentally turned up a bit early for work and have decided to put the kettle on and flick through yesterday's "Sun", pausing to admire the enormous norks on Page 3. "Surely they're not real...?" You pour yourself a cup of tea and have a rummage in the kitchen units to see if there are any biscuits kicking about. You find Rich Tea ones and leave them on the shelf.

You take the weight off and delve further into the scant reading matter of the tabloid. After a while you stand, stretch, yawn and have a quick delve into your colleagues desk draws to see if they have anything interesting there. You then make yourself another cup of tea and have a change of heart with regard to the Rich Tea biscuits and grab a handful. You colleagues begin to arrive and after an bit of a chat about last night's "Big Brother", which although you don't watch, you always know what happens, you grudgingly switch on your PC and begin the work day.

For a footballer, the pre-season training and games are their version of the above. By the time the working day, or league season starts the mind is on the game and all will be well! Honest. Unless Imraan gets bored again, in which case we're all f**ked.