Never A Dull Moment

The spirit of Morell lives on in at least one respect – watching Kettering remains car crash TV. Take your eyes off the action for a moment and you risk missing another red card, kamikaze cock up or (on at least one occasion) a boy wonder crashing in a 25 yarder on his debut. Particularly good value for those who hold Nene Park season tickets, who have already seen more action than Rockingham Road witnessed in entire Peter Morris campaigns.

Take yesterday for example. A 2-2 draw that was a minor classic, as the latest ‘anyone who’s not suspended, crocked or excused games’ Poppy Select defied all that Ebbsfleet and Mr Merchant of Gravesend & Northfleet could throw at them to earn a moral victory.

But such is our catalogue of misfortune since moving to this accursed bit of reclaimed swamp/Indian burial ground, it just seemed that something bad was bound to happen after we’d used all our subs, possibly involving a double concussion that would reduce us to 8 men followed by Navarro impaling himself on a corner flag. Yet wait! Here was the player formerly known as Get Im Orf, transformed into a sleek (well, two short sizes smaller) marauding right back, who put in an impressive shift without once hopping over the wall for a quick visit to the snack bar. And young Dawkin from Norwich took the straw out of his mouth for long enough to dazzle us with his ability to run with the ball at speed and shoot on sight. It promises to be a great loan spell, apart from the cup tie he’s not allowed to play, the inevitable sending off and/or injury. In fact, that was it. Thanks for the memories!

But sooner or later we really must find a way to complete a match with the same number of players that started it. It’s a strange feeling to be following, statistically, the dirtiest team in senior football, especially when many of them have found ways to be dismissed that have left opponents both unscathed and bemused. Our new total of 9 reds puts us on course for a couple of dozen before the season is out – and that’s before we start racking them up in cup ties. There are teams in South America who would kill for a record like that, and I mean literally.

Even allowing for the modern tendency to flash red for offences that would once have earned a quiet word, this is something quite unusual. Until a few weeks ago I can’t recall us ever losing two players in a game, now it feels boringly familiar. You can’t help but wonder what fresh calamity is heading our way, what new rules we will infringe. Refusing to give up our seat to a pensioner? You’re off. Lapsed TV licence? Early bath. Taking a trolley into the handbasket queue? Three match ban. Quietly efficient, settled team? Don’t hold your breath.