Saturday, 6 December 2014

Mourinhos or Muppets?

It has often been noted that Poppies fans can have comically high expectations. In our headstrong younger days, Patgod was as guilty of this as anyone, penning furious editorials about failure to seal promotion to the Football League or perform brilliantly in a televised cup tie. These days we are a bit more reflective. Multiple relegations, ground moves and brushes with extinction have tempered our satisfaction levels ever so slightly. We’d now settle for a potential giant-killing trip to a Conf North side with a bit of cover behind the goal.

However, the fire still burns bright in some bellies, as shown by the ongoing trench warfare about the incurable failings of the current management duo. Especially the one who’s kinda funny looking. Nothing they do is ever good enough. Maintain a 5 point lead? Huh, just shows how the team are winning despite them. Fail to win a game? Sack them both!  Now!!  Or as an interim measure to appease our wrath, the one who’s kinda funny looking!!!

Management Mourinhos or Muppets? Let’s look at the record.

2014/15 season
Chelsea P14 W11 – win ratio 78.65
KTFC P19 W15 – win ratio 78.95

Chelsea: goals for 33 – average per game 2.35
KTFC: goals for 47 – average per game 2.47  

Chelsea: goals against 14 – average 1.00
KTFC: goals against 18 – average 0.95

Chelsea: owners who don’t resemble baffled albino chimpanzees: 0

Not bad! And before anyone pipes up about the standard of the opposition, we’d like to see how Fabregas would fancy a midfield scrap against Egham after hanging his £2,000 suit on a nail in the away dressing room.

Baillie and Machin may not be everyone’s idea of a dream team but judged on results they are doing well, so why the continuing abuse – especially towards Baillie. Why not pick on Machin too? It’s not an original thought, but the answer might be that Machin looks like the kind of guy who it might be a bad idea to upset, whereas Baillie is a bit lumpy and you could easily run away from him.  

But what does appearance matter? Look at the other Mourinho, the ginger one. Sean Dyche - that mysteriously undercelebrated son of Kettering who is continuing to prove that resembling a nightclub doorman is no barrier to mixing it with the big boys. Not for him the modern fetish of notepad scribbling, expensive imports and pseudo-bollocks about “philosophy”, he just gets the most out of what he can assemble. Plus he still sounds only a sliver away from lapsing into broad Kettering in a post match interview (“we wern frit an’ad a roight good goo sarfnoon, me ol’ booty”) and his brother works at Weetabix. All important credentials.

So it takes all sorts to make a world and there is more than one shade of Mourinho. Smooth and silvery, ginger baldy, bit scary, and kinda funny looking.  We say carry on guys, we’re right behind you.

That said, if we slip up today at Hanwell…
From left: Bit scary Mourinho, funny looking Mourinho

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