"#REMAIN Sorry but #KETTERING where are you" she tweeted in derision at this obvious example of Nowheresville UK, the kind of insular backwater that would turn its back on the wider world.
Amazing to think that the Herbie: Fully Loaded star was capable of such insight. Clearly a lot better informed than many suspected.
But trust good old Philip Hollobone to bristle at the slur, demanding in Parliament that the offending celeb, best known recently for extended spells in rehab, drug violations and sundry other felonies, “redeem her political reputation” by switching on the town’s Christmas lights.
Anyway, on hearing of this she agreed. Then forgot about it 5 seconds later and fired off another tweet about Syria or something.
Months passed. Kettering BC waited patiently for her people to get in touch to firm up arrangements. Nothing. Phil tried to help but admitted “it’s simply not been possible to track her down”. Always a challenge when dealing with someone so famously reclusive and publicity shy.
Could it be that she was really going to disappoint her legions of blank eyed teenage fans in NN15, and pass up the opportunity to flick the festive switch?
Luckily there’s a happy ending to this shallow celebrity tale. KBC reached deep into its book of contacts and pulled out an absolute cracker who, by a happy coincidence, was already booked to appear in the local panto! Who needs Hollywood when you’ve got this kind of glamour!!