"Attention Season Ticket Holders: Christmas Clash at Harborough Town.
The festive football calendar brings with it one of the most anticipated fixtures of the season: Harborough Town away on Saturday 27 December 2025, 3pm kick-off. And, judging by the early clamour for tickets, it seems Poppies supporters are treating this one somewhere between a cup final and a pilgrimage."
You can't have failed to spot the Harborough ticketing post on the the KTFC Website. Above is the opening paragraph which has rightly been widely mocked on Social Media. Not to risk the FOMO we thought we'd pull our size 11's on and join in.....
Christ, where do you start? Now, we don't necessarily believe that EVERY official club statement should be filtered through the prism of PATGOD, but, bloody hell, this one should have been. At least it could then have been read without leaving the taste of a bit of sick in the back of your throat. Unlike the club's attempt, we have taken the liberty of re-writing the above in a way designed NOT to coax stiffies in any readers from over the Leicestershire border.
Attention Season Ticket Holders - you know, you suckers who stumped up for the WHOLE season before we came up with a cracking part-season ticket offer. And, you know, those we screwed out of having a concession price at 60...yes, you lot.
It's bloody Christmas again, when games come far too thick and fast and the missus wants to drag you down to sodding Rushden Lakes so you can spend half a day trying to park the car and the rest of the day being bored out of your mind as 'er indoors looks at EVERYTHING on sale in EVERY store. And then buys all the gifts from the first shop you visited.
Sandwiched within this ruinous run of home games is a trip just up the road to the plastic school-pitch and rudimentary facilities of the painfully over-promoted and over-financed Harborough Town with their squad of expensively assembled mercenaries lorded over by the grinning beard of Mitch Look-at-my-enormous-budget Austin.
Barely one or two people have asked about tickets for this upcoming slaughter. Everyone else is busy cowering and hoping they will go bust before they can slap us all around their joke of a stadium which will look hideously out of place in National North if they manage to piss higher up the spend-what-you-can wall than Spalding before the end of the season.
Now, we know that playing Kettering Town is still more important to these pissant, bumpkin clubs than the air that they breathe, and playing us gives them their only chance of ever nudging a 4-figure gate, so the game will be all ticket. It's not a Cup Final. We've actually played them before. For real. At places like Wembley. It's also not a quasi-religious event. Some of us watched Poppies teams with Billy Kellock, Frankie Murphy, Phil Brown and Carl Alford in their pomp, so we know the difference. Lining-up to watch a half team of former money-grabbers who bottled their big chance last season when playing for us isn't much to write home about.
But we'll buy the tickets. We'll try to park somewhere near their tinny stadium. We'll piss in their portaloos. We'll try to watch the match through the gaps in our fingers. We'll continue to wonder if the Sun revolves around Dolman or vice versa. And we'll still be attending our fixtures in 5, 10, 20 years if spared, long after the private moolah swelling the Harborough Town coffers has been spent chasing the opportunity to take 3 fans on an away trip to Spennymoor and they are back playing park football, assuming they exist at all.
This is how the announcement could have been headed. KTFC - if you want to use this, it's not too late. Please feel free to cut and paste. We only want to help. We've spent decades coming up with pithy ripostes to more would-be rivals than Jason Alexander has made saves this season. And for the love of God, before you write such a fawning piece of sickly guff again, stop for a moment and ask yourselves one simple question, "How would PATGOD phrase this?" Then go for it!
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| Bloody hell guys, let's not give Austin a bigger head than he's already got! |
