Graham James wrote to PATGOD, "I don't know if you want this but it was something I wrote in 2007 (Seems longer ago than that!) for a PATGOD but Shorty stopped doing them so it didn't get included.Seems quite relevant again! I don't think it too libellous is it?"
Nah, not too libellous. In fact I had to read it twice just to convince myself that this didn't actually happen! Anyway, remember PATGOD'S motto, "We Print Anything!"
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This was an article written for a PATGOD magazine that Shorty never got round to producing. To put it into context, it was near the end of the season when we knew we could no longer win automatic promotion and Morrell was replaced by Graham Westley and when The Gob was still the Radio Northampton reporter. Seems quite topical now.
SDC: Well Morrell, that’s it then for another season. You didn’t quite manage to fulfil your promise of the championship, but at least we have the play-offs to look forward to. I’m sure lots of Poppies supporters out there, (and I’m sure that many of them are listening whilst driving home disappointed from the game after another fantastic turn-out from them today, and indeed at most away games this season, in fact some clubs in this league would like their home attendances to be as big as our away following, and most clubs will miss our away support when we do leave this league, and I’m sure that I can speak for all Kettering fans out there when I say that I will gladly buy you a pint of whatever you drink Morrell, when we do eventually get back into what many Poppies fans think is our rightful home in the top level of non-league football,) will want to know is why, despite us playing some wonderful, free-flowing football at times, we didn’t go on to win the league. Do you have any answers for that Morrell?
MM: No.
SDC: Oh
MM: Let me finish Simon! What I was going to say Simon is that today, as in all games this season, even the ones we lost, we asked lots of questions of Hinckley today.
SDC: The trouble is they knew the answers.
MM: With all disrespect, I disagree with you there. I thought we were on top for most of the game and their two goals came out of the blue, but that’s football. I’m sure that if we keep on playing like that for the rest of the season we should be OK.
SDC But Morr…
MM: No Simon, we bossed the game again. We just happened to score fewer goals. You know, I love this stage of the season. It’s my mate Sir Alex calls squeaky bum time and when I was talking to Big Ron the other day, he agreed. It’s when it sorts out the men from the boys. It’s the time to stand up and be counted. Every game is a 6-pointer, like a cup-final.
SDC; Eh, sorry to butt in but can just remind our listeners, what job you did before you got into football management.
MM: I delivered speeches about male cow manure.
SDC: Oh yeah.
MM: But anyway, what I’m concentrating on now is winning the league.
SDC: but Morr..
MM: I still believe we can do it and if you’ve got belief you know, you can do anything. You have to first believe in yourself, then you must have belief in your players and, most importantly, the chairman must have belief in you.
SDC: Well, I’m sure that we all must agree that there is no doubt that there is ample proof that your last point is without doubt. The chairman has backed you all the way allowing you to sign players like Caskey and Olayaye so you be very confident that you have his full support if he is willing to do that.
MM: Yes, I agree with you there Simon 110%. That is why I still believe the championship is within our grasp. Now, before you interrupt again, I know that there are some doubters out there who are starting to say that we’re not going to win the league but I have a message for them. As long as I am manager here, I am utterly convinced we can do it. I know the other results haven’t gone the way that we would have liked but all I can do is concentrate on our game and not worry about what the others are doing.
SDC: I hear what you say Morrell but I’m sure all the Poppies fans will be listening to this and be thinking that, as we cannot now catch Droylsden, and I’m sure that we would all love to put one over Mr Pace, who is not one of the most favourite person amongst us supporters, that we cannot now win the league.
MM: But I don’t want to hear talk like that. You just never know. It might turn out that they have played an ineligible player and be deducted points. We have a team of experts trawling through the records as we speak. Or, they might hit financial trouble and go into administration and be deducted 10 points before the end of the season. We have spies in the Droyslden office and have bugged Pace’s telephones to try and get some inside information. And, you just never know, we might get an early Christmas present from someone. The Christmas fairies might come up with something, Paul Daniels might conjure up 5 points from somewhere.
SDC: Er, Morrell, isn’t this just a fantasy?
MM: Look again, you are just being negative. I never use the word negative, I say “not quite totally positive”, in fact I can’t spell negative, in fact I don’t know what it means.
(Noise of mobile phone in background)
SDC: Oh. Morrell. I’ve just had a text from Imraan that might be of interest to you. It says that you have been sacked.
MM: Now that must be a fantasy!
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