a) Chelsea re-signed a former player for £34m
b) Man Utd re-signed a former player for £89m
c) Man City put £100m into a rocket and fired it into space
Which of these major summer signings is not a real name?
a) Gabriel Jesus b) Sven Kums
c) Dildo Billabong
What was Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s main item of personal terms?
a) a gold plated toiletb) a 50ft marble statue of himself
c) ‘I played with Zlatan#legend’ to be tattooed on every squad member
d) all of the above
What does Joey Barton bring to Rangers?
a) midfield know howb) expertise in starting a fight in an empty room
c) flute playing skills
If John Stones is worth £47m, what would Bobby Moore’s value
be?
a) £100mb) £200m
c) about the same, bearing in mind he died in 1993
What did Jack Wilshere wake up to this morning?
a) a rapturous welcome from the Bournemouth fansb) a series of disbelieving texts
c) a very damp pillow
Pinch me, someone
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