Hopefully this will be a team effort.....

As much as we take great pleasure and joy from thoroughly researching our articles on Patgod, sometimes we really can't be arsed.  It's much easier to tag a few lame gags to images we've dragged off the ET website.

Or, as in this case, we are naturally assuming Paul Cooke will chip in with the relevant detail to enable the following paragraphs make some sort of sense.  Hopefully.

Let's talk penalties!

What a season it's been for efforts from 12-yards.  We started the season with Rhys taking on the mantle, scoring [Paul to insert number here] goals, but following a costly miss at Biggleswade, in rapid succession we ran through very moderate efforts from the spot from Rene, missing [Paul to insert number here] Aaron fluffing [Paul to insert number here] and Matt chipping in with [Paul to insert number here].  Each of them basically took penalties like complete drains.  Between all of them we managed to miss [Paul to insert number here] penalties which cost us [Paul to insert number here] points, and an extended FA Cup run. 

YAAAAAR!!!  GRRRRRR!!!

Strangely, even though our team was almost genetically incapable of scoring penalties, and Paul White never even goes the right way when facing spot-kicks, we somehow managed to win two penalty shoot outs this season.  Madness.

With opposition teams more than happy to keep giving us penalties, safe in the knowledge that Aaron would hit the goalie, or Rene would not reach the goal, we finally played our Ace in the form or Brett Solkhon.

The penalties kept coming.  Not all won by Rhys........and Brett managed simply hit the ball into the f*cking net, and scored no less than [Paul to insert number here] consecutive spot-kicks, giving him an amazing goal tally this season of [Paul to insert number here].  

During 2017-2018 we were awarded a record number of penalties - [Paul to insert number here].  In terms of total Poppies records, it was the fully [Paul to insert number here] more penalties than we have ever won in a season.  In fact, with [Paul to insert number here] penalties in total we have beaten the world record of [Paul to insert number here] penalties awarded in a season.  Scored by [Paul to insert number here] back in [Paul to insert number here].

Over to you Paul!