John Betjeman's Red and Black Army

Poet Laureate John Betjeman was famous for two particular verses, both considered works of genius.  They are helpfully repeated below.  If for no other reason, tonight, let's do it for "Big John"

Slough - from the 1937 collection (Continual Dew)

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.

Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down

"Why don't you give me a KAAAAAY!...."

And once a week a half
 a crown for twenty years.

And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:

And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.

But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.

It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead

And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.

In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.

Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.



Kettering Ambulance (full version) - after several pints with Kettering fans in the snug of "The Good Companions" in 1969.

You're gonna get your f**king heads kicked in!
You're gonna get your f**king heads kicked in!
You're gonna get your f**king heads kicked in!
You're gonna get your f**king heads kicked in!

You're going home in a Kettering Ambulance
You're going home in a Kettering Ambulance
You're going home in a Kettering Ambulance
You're going home in a Kettering Ambulance

Repeat, with specific hand-gestures