Whilst the re-signing of several of last season's key players is all well and good, most Poppies fans are asking themselves the same question -
When will Elliott Charles put pen to paper?
What would our attack look like next season without him? Who would warm the bench? Who would run around in circles for no apparent reason? It's not as if he isn't due a goal, or at least a worthwhile attempt on goal any season soon!
Some might hope that Roper, Abbey and Boucard are the "three players" from last season who are mulling contracts, but where would that leave the potential stars of 2011 - Charles, Ebigbo and Thomas...
PATGOD says, "Sort it Harper!"
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Guy Branston Time Travel Shocker
One of these photographs is the facial reconstruction of a 14th Century Knight, whose brawny body was discovered a few years ago, buried at Stirling Castle, whilst the other is our old friend Guy Branston, caught between red cards in his recent stint at Burton Albion.
No, we can't tell them apart either!
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Our best guess is that in the near future Guy will somehow be transported back through time and end up in 14th Century Scotland. Probably whilst chasing one last full-time contract.....
Monday, 17 May 2010
Northern Exposure
With Oxford’s triumph over York at Wembley all the promotion and relegation issues have been settled in the BSP. I caught the last 10 minutes of the Play-Off match and it was nice to finally see Alfie Potter do something decent, and amusing to hear the commentator excitedly ejaculate on at least two occasions, "THAT’S GASH!”
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Next season the BSP will be showing a bit of a Northern bias. Yes, it’s going to be all flat caps, whippets and any other Northern stereotypes we can think of. We’ve lost Stevenage, Oxford, Ebbsfleet, Grays and Forest Green, whilst gaining Darlington, Fleetwood, Southport, and Grimsby. Even the BS South teams in Bath and Newport County feel a long way away, necessitating a trip up the M6.
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But it’s not all bad!
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I’m pretty sure that Darlington’s ground will be the biggest ground we have ever visited for a league fixture (even if it is likely to be 90% empty).
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Although Fleetwood is an absolute dive (think Corby on the coast) it is a short tram ride from the dubious pleasures of Blackpool.
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We always win at Southport, so it will be good to see them again.
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And Grimsby will be useful if we suddenly find ourselves requiring a large consignment of cod.
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Of the more southerly teams to come up, a visit to beautiful Bath is always good for the soul and a visit to Newport is always good to remind you that your own home town is not as bad as it could be!
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A final note for the attention of the BSP fixture board, who I expect are long-time PATGOD readers. It would be enormously handy if you could arrange for our trips to Barrow, Fleetwood and Southport to take place over a week, with two Saturday fixtures and Tuesday night one in the middle. Furthermore, if you could start this run of fixtures on the first week of September, it would be greatly appreciated. And, I may as well go the whole hog, if you could let me have the contact details of anyone renting out a reasonably priced lakeside cottage for that week, that would be superb.
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Special "K" - 200th Post on PATGOD!
Last season, for the first time since the end of the 98-99 season, Kettering Town were the highest placed team in the English football system whose name began with a "K". Yes, that means that we finally finished above Kidderminster again!
You may not believe that an accident of team name seems like much of an accolade. Ordinarily you would be right. That is, unless, like us, you have just thought up a special new English Premier League made up of the highest placed teams with different first letters!
For the sake of convenience we have restricted ourselves to The Premier League, Championship and Blue Square Leagues when populating this new League. Unfortunately this means there are no "J", "U", "X", or "Z" teams in contention. Mainly because Jarrow, and Uppingham haven't pulled their fingers out and advanced through the leagues, and no-one has seen fit to name a town beginning with "X" or "Z".
This leaves us with a nice, solid looking league of 22 teams. Let's start with "A"
Arsenal - Already looking forward to the Poppies trip to the Emirates with its wonderfully appointed stadium and billiard table pitch. Not looking forward to the cricket score they'll pile up against us though.
Birmingham City - Alex McLeish's team of doughty pro's will provide another stern test for us.
Chelsea - Another trip to London. Hopefully we will get some good cheap fares on the train, as we fear that other than another sound drubbing, this is all we may get!
Derby County - Clough Jnr's under performing team of sheep-shaggers may give us the first glimpse of a possible league point!
Everton - This will be our first opportunity to be scammed by the local scouse teenagers and then bullied some more on the pitch.
Fulham - Quick chance for revenge against the only team to defeat us in the FA Cup over the past 2 seasons.
Gillingham - The blow of relegation to League Two should be somewhat alleviated by their inclusion in this new set-up. Another chance for FA Cup revenge. Looks like a must win game for the Poppies!
Hull City - Another of our FA Cup rivals from recent years. This time they will be the team looking for revenge.
Ipswich Town - "Smiler" Roy Keane will return to Rockingham Road for the first time since he came to see his old mucker Tony McLoughan when he played briefly for us back in the 90's. Boy, did their careers go in different directions!
Kettering Town - Come on you Reds! We feel that we can't afford too many under-par performances this season!
Liverpool - Benitez's collection of third rate Euro-players will desperately be hoping Torres and Gerrard are playing so that the threat of relegation can be lifted.
Manchester United - Another testing away day for the Poppies. Unless they start with Berbatov up front. He would get nowhere against Ropersaurus and JD.
Newcastle United - the league's self-described "best fans in the country" will no doubt be drinking the county's annual supply of Newky Brown during their visit, and taking off their shirts for some unknown reason.
Oldham Athletic - Yet more chance for FA Cup revenge!
Portsmouth - Their participation in this new League may depend on how many zillion quid they owe by the time the time next season starts. If they are ejected, their place will be taken by Plymouth (who beat Peterborough by one place in the League placings - costing us a local derby!)
Queens Park Rangers - We don't know who their Manager will be for the first game against them, but we're pretty sure he won't be there for the return fixture.
Reading - A team that knew they were buggered when we easily put them to the sword in a pre-season friendly last Summer. A repeat victory would be VERY helpful for the Poppies chances of League survival.
Stoke City - Surely we will be able to repel Delap's long throw-ins after the time we spent ensuring that none of Big X's throw-ins led to goals?
Tottenham Hotspur - It will be interesting to see just how freakily-tall Crouch is in person. We fear that our Chairman may not be entirely on our side for these fixtures.
Vauxhall Motors - VM will be surprised to be elevated to this new league after suffering relegation from the Conference North last term. Poppies really, REALLY must make the most of the two games against VM.
Wolverhampton Wanderers - Mick McCarthy's no-nonsense jobbing-pro's will prove to be another stern team of dour Midland grinders. Bit like us except they might actually score some goals.
Yeovil Town - Former non-league rivals will make a nostalgic trip back to Rockingham Road for the first time in many years. Yep, hasn't changed!
There you have it. A tough league certainly, but we all thought that at the start of last season didn't we, and we did OK.
You may not believe that an accident of team name seems like much of an accolade. Ordinarily you would be right. That is, unless, like us, you have just thought up a special new English Premier League made up of the highest placed teams with different first letters!
For the sake of convenience we have restricted ourselves to The Premier League, Championship and Blue Square Leagues when populating this new League. Unfortunately this means there are no "J", "U", "X", or "Z" teams in contention. Mainly because Jarrow, and Uppingham haven't pulled their fingers out and advanced through the leagues, and no-one has seen fit to name a town beginning with "X" or "Z".
This leaves us with a nice, solid looking league of 22 teams. Let's start with "A"
Arsenal - Already looking forward to the Poppies trip to the Emirates with its wonderfully appointed stadium and billiard table pitch. Not looking forward to the cricket score they'll pile up against us though.
Birmingham City - Alex McLeish's team of doughty pro's will provide another stern test for us.
Chelsea - Another trip to London. Hopefully we will get some good cheap fares on the train, as we fear that other than another sound drubbing, this is all we may get!
Derby County - Clough Jnr's under performing team of sheep-shaggers may give us the first glimpse of a possible league point!
Everton - This will be our first opportunity to be scammed by the local scouse teenagers and then bullied some more on the pitch.
Fulham - Quick chance for revenge against the only team to defeat us in the FA Cup over the past 2 seasons.
Gillingham - The blow of relegation to League Two should be somewhat alleviated by their inclusion in this new set-up. Another chance for FA Cup revenge. Looks like a must win game for the Poppies!
Hull City - Another of our FA Cup rivals from recent years. This time they will be the team looking for revenge.
Ipswich Town - "Smiler" Roy Keane will return to Rockingham Road for the first time since he came to see his old mucker Tony McLoughan when he played briefly for us back in the 90's. Boy, did their careers go in different directions!
Kettering Town - Come on you Reds! We feel that we can't afford too many under-par performances this season!
Liverpool - Benitez's collection of third rate Euro-players will desperately be hoping Torres and Gerrard are playing so that the threat of relegation can be lifted.
Manchester United - Another testing away day for the Poppies. Unless they start with Berbatov up front. He would get nowhere against Ropersaurus and JD.
Newcastle United - the league's self-described "best fans in the country" will no doubt be drinking the county's annual supply of Newky Brown during their visit, and taking off their shirts for some unknown reason.
Oldham Athletic - Yet more chance for FA Cup revenge!
Portsmouth - Their participation in this new League may depend on how many zillion quid they owe by the time the time next season starts. If they are ejected, their place will be taken by Plymouth (who beat Peterborough by one place in the League placings - costing us a local derby!)
Queens Park Rangers - We don't know who their Manager will be for the first game against them, but we're pretty sure he won't be there for the return fixture.
Reading - A team that knew they were buggered when we easily put them to the sword in a pre-season friendly last Summer. A repeat victory would be VERY helpful for the Poppies chances of League survival.
Stoke City - Surely we will be able to repel Delap's long throw-ins after the time we spent ensuring that none of Big X's throw-ins led to goals?
Tottenham Hotspur - It will be interesting to see just how freakily-tall Crouch is in person. We fear that our Chairman may not be entirely on our side for these fixtures.
Vauxhall Motors - VM will be surprised to be elevated to this new league after suffering relegation from the Conference North last term. Poppies really, REALLY must make the most of the two games against VM.
Wolverhampton Wanderers - Mick McCarthy's no-nonsense jobbing-pro's will prove to be another stern team of dour Midland grinders. Bit like us except they might actually score some goals.
Yeovil Town - Former non-league rivals will make a nostalgic trip back to Rockingham Road for the first time in many years. Yep, hasn't changed!
There you have it. A tough league certainly, but we all thought that at the start of last season didn't we, and we did OK.
Monday, 3 May 2010
Gallant County Heroes Fall At Last Fence.....
....is how the ET will now doubt title their 28-page, "Diamonds almost make it" special pull-out in tomorrow's edition.
The rest of us will be letting off the party poppers, and celebrating the fact that Justin Edinburgh's gallant (and underpaid) team of freak-huggers have f*cked up! Thank God. Could you imagine that collection of monsters and "Deliverance" clones shuffling down Wembley Way? I mean, the Play-off Final would be on the telly! Is this really how we want the outside world to view the people of Northamptonshire? Sure, such a sight would just about be acceptable if this was a post Armageddon nuclear wasteland populated by mutants and spas-monkeys, but that apocalyptic horror has yet to befall us (unless the world ends today, and boy, would that be embarrassing for me after writing this!)
If nothing else, their remaining down here with us dead men gives me yet another opportunity to see my team beat them in a League game for the first time ever. Won't hold my breathe though, given our record.
Putting aside for one moment all the obvious rivalry stuff, there was a down side to Diamonds failing to get through to the Play-Off Final. I laughed so hard I slipped off my settee and banged my bum on the floor. But don't worry - it didn't hurt so much that I stopped laughing!
Ah Bless. Never mind DeBanker. Let us turn that frown upside-down!
The rest of us will be letting off the party poppers, and celebrating the fact that Justin Edinburgh's gallant (and underpaid) team of freak-huggers have f*cked up! Thank God. Could you imagine that collection of monsters and "Deliverance" clones shuffling down Wembley Way? I mean, the Play-off Final would be on the telly! Is this really how we want the outside world to view the people of Northamptonshire? Sure, such a sight would just about be acceptable if this was a post Armageddon nuclear wasteland populated by mutants and spas-monkeys, but that apocalyptic horror has yet to befall us (unless the world ends today, and boy, would that be embarrassing for me after writing this!)
If nothing else, their remaining down here with us dead men gives me yet another opportunity to see my team beat them in a League game for the first time ever. Won't hold my breathe though, given our record.
Putting aside for one moment all the obvious rivalry stuff, there was a down side to Diamonds failing to get through to the Play-Off Final. I laughed so hard I slipped off my settee and banged my bum on the floor. But don't worry - it didn't hurt so much that I stopped laughing!
Ah Bless. Never mind DeBanker. Let us turn that frown upside-down!
Sunday, 2 May 2010
Fulham: Our Part In Their Glory
In ten days time, Fulham's likely starting XI in the Europa League final will include up to 10 of the players we faced last January. Meanwhile, the Atletico Madrid side will be singularly lacking in any experience of the away dressing room at Rockingham Road, and it's no secret that Roy Hodgson is looking to capitalise on that.
"When it comes to keeping your shape and discipline in the most testing and unfamiliar of conditions, that game at Kettering taught us a great deal" said the Fulham boss. "Shakhtar Donetsk thought they could unsettle us with cramped changing facilities and unintelligible tannoy announcements, but we remembered how we coped with the lads having to wait their turn to have a scrub after not understanding a word of the local lingo, and took strength from that".
"And when we were under the cosh against Juve after the first leg, I reminded the players that they had no one who passed the ball as well as the boy Boucard, or could bombard us with huge throw ins."
"Finally, the 19 hour bus trip to Hamburg was nothing compared to negotiating the one way system in Kettering town centre having left the A14 a junction early thanks to a dozy coach driver".
"So providing the referee in the final does us a few favours like at Kettering, I strongly fancy our chances".
"When it comes to keeping your shape and discipline in the most testing and unfamiliar of conditions, that game at Kettering taught us a great deal" said the Fulham boss. "Shakhtar Donetsk thought they could unsettle us with cramped changing facilities and unintelligible tannoy announcements, but we remembered how we coped with the lads having to wait their turn to have a scrub after not understanding a word of the local lingo, and took strength from that".
"And when we were under the cosh against Juve after the first leg, I reminded the players that they had no one who passed the ball as well as the boy Boucard, or could bombard us with huge throw ins."
"Finally, the 19 hour bus trip to Hamburg was nothing compared to negotiating the one way system in Kettering town centre having left the A14 a junction early thanks to a dozy coach driver".
"So providing the referee in the final does us a few favours like at Kettering, I strongly fancy our chances".
Saturday, 1 May 2010
Bones to be sacrificed to save Poppies?
It looks more and more likely, if the ever-reliable world of Internet rumours is to be believed that the Poppies long-term survival may be linked to the demise of Rothwell Town FC.
The latest theory runs thus: -
Imraan buys Rothwell Town FC ground.
Imraan swaps Cecil Street for Rockingham Road with Pickering.
Houses built on Cecil Street.
Poppies saved.
As much as any Kettering fan is desperate for the Poppies to survive, it would be disquieting that the Bones would presumably vanish after this happens. More likely than not, Rothwell will be invited to ground share with us, but you wonder how long they would survive as a tenant club? However, it has been interesting to read comments emanating from people close to the RTFC about whether they actually want a continuing football club.
Admittedly second-hand coverage of their recent AGM, where the attendees cared more about their presumably subsidised drinking facilities than the football club, and not everyone recognised the Club's Manager do not paint an especially positive picture of a Club moving heaven and earth to survive.
Add to this their former Chairman Neil Griffin's assertion that recently only 15 local people paid to see the Bones play and you wonder how the footballing side of the club can survive. We freak out when less than 1000 people turn up at Rockingham Road! When you have more people on the playing side than on the supporting side, even the most optimistic Rowellian must be asking themselves, "What is the point?"
As ever, the close season at the Poppies can be more entertaining than the football season!
Rothwell Social Club Members debate the issues in a sober and refined manner.
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