Last season, for the first time since the end of the 98-99 season, Kettering Town were the highest placed team in the English football system whose name began with a "K". Yes, that means that we finally finished above Kidderminster again!
You may not believe that an accident of team name seems like much of an accolade. Ordinarily you would be right. That is, unless, like us, you have just thought up a special new English Premier League made up of the highest placed teams with different first letters!
For the sake of convenience we have restricted ourselves to The Premier League, Championship and Blue Square Leagues when populating this new League. Unfortunately this means there are no "J", "U", "X", or "Z" teams in contention. Mainly because Jarrow, and Uppingham haven't pulled their fingers out and advanced through the leagues, and no-one has seen fit to name a town beginning with "X" or "Z".
This leaves us with a nice, solid looking league of 22 teams. Let's start with "A"
Arsenal - Already looking forward to the Poppies trip to the Emirates with its wonderfully appointed stadium and billiard table pitch. Not looking forward to the cricket score they'll pile up against us though.
Birmingham City - Alex McLeish's team of doughty pro's will provide another stern test for us.
Chelsea - Another trip to London. Hopefully we will get some good cheap fares on the train, as we fear that other than another sound drubbing, this is all we may get!
Derby County - Clough Jnr's under performing team of sheep-shaggers may give us the first glimpse of a possible league point!
Everton - This will be our first opportunity to be scammed by the local scouse teenagers and then bullied some more on the pitch.
Fulham - Quick chance for revenge against the only team to defeat us in the FA Cup over the past 2 seasons.
Gillingham - The blow of relegation to League Two should be somewhat alleviated by their inclusion in this new set-up. Another chance for FA Cup revenge. Looks like a must win game for the Poppies!
Hull City - Another of our FA Cup rivals from recent years. This time they will be the team looking for revenge.
Ipswich Town - "Smiler" Roy Keane will return to Rockingham Road for the first time since he came to see his old mucker Tony McLoughan when he played briefly for us back in the 90's. Boy, did their careers go in different directions!
Kettering Town - Come on you Reds! We feel that we can't afford too many under-par performances this season!
Liverpool - Benitez's collection of third rate Euro-players will desperately be hoping Torres and Gerrard are playing so that the threat of relegation can be lifted.
Manchester United - Another testing away day for the Poppies. Unless they start with Berbatov up front. He would get nowhere against Ropersaurus and JD.
Newcastle United - the league's self-described "best fans in the country" will no doubt be drinking the county's annual supply of Newky Brown during their visit, and taking off their shirts for some unknown reason.
Oldham Athletic - Yet more chance for FA Cup revenge!
Portsmouth - Their participation in this new League may depend on how many zillion quid they owe by the time the time next season starts. If they are ejected, their place will be taken by Plymouth (who beat Peterborough by one place in the League placings - costing us a local derby!)
Queens Park Rangers - We don't know who their Manager will be for the first game against them, but we're pretty sure he won't be there for the return fixture.
Reading - A team that knew they were buggered when we easily put them to the sword in a pre-season friendly last Summer. A repeat victory would be VERY helpful for the Poppies chances of League survival.
Stoke City - Surely we will be able to repel Delap's long throw-ins after the time we spent ensuring that none of Big X's throw-ins led to goals?
Tottenham Hotspur - It will be interesting to see just how freakily-tall Crouch is in person. We fear that our Chairman may not be entirely on our side for these fixtures.
Vauxhall Motors - VM will be surprised to be elevated to this new league after suffering relegation from the Conference North last term. Poppies really, REALLY must make the most of the two games against VM.
Wolverhampton Wanderers - Mick McCarthy's no-nonsense jobbing-pro's will prove to be another stern team of dour Midland grinders. Bit like us except they might actually score some goals.
Yeovil Town - Former non-league rivals will make a nostalgic trip back to Rockingham Road for the first time in many years. Yep, hasn't changed!
There you have it. A tough league certainly, but we all thought that at the start of last season didn't we, and we did OK.
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