13 years, 8 months and 25 days of pain.

Shortly after the Direones trimmed us by the small margin of 5-1 on their first league visit to fortress Rockingham Road back in 1997 I have been planning my revenge. One act of rebellion I have always promised myself was to urinate from the roof of the DeBanker stand onto the pitch. Once I thought I'd do it when they got relegated out of the League. Bottled it then. I then promised myself I'd be getting out my ladder (no, not a euphemism) when we won again against them. I wisely decided it was far too cold for such an act on Monday. So it looks like I'll have to save my impromptu pitch spraying for when they go bust.....

Unlike it seems the whole of the Poppies support, I didn't see our first win over the Scum back in 1999. I was elsewhere in the County, no doubt excelling with bat or ball in the upper reaches of the Northants County Cricket League. Or carrying the drinks. Or even, making the drinks - can't really remember.

Needless to say, that game was the only League encounter I have EVER missed against the Inbreds. And as the years and defeats tumbled by, I had seriously considered not attending the Direones games JUST IN CASE IT WAS MY FAULT WE COULDN'T WIN.

So, when making the short trip to Non Park this week to cheer on a seriously weakened Poppies side I can't say I was too confident. But, as we all know, it is always darkest before the dawn and a couple of hours later I was being led, numb, away from the ground, scarcely able to believe I had just witnessed a particular bunch of men scoring less goals than another bunch of men. Lets not leave it so long in future!

Before I left for a tour of Rushden with my arse hanging from the car window, I remained proessional enough to grab a few quick interviews with some of the people involved.

Iyeseden Christie - "What do you mean I used to be shite you f**ker?" Get away from me you asshole!"

Justin Edinburgh - "I can't believe I've led a Diamonds team to defeat against Kettering. Even Talbot didn't manage that and he's a talentless, brain-dead numptie. That's my career f**ked."

Roger Ashby - "What's the fuss? I always win here..."

Marcus Law - "We tried to instill confidence in the - (phone rings) sorry, hold on a moment. Hello, thanks for calling back. I was just checking to see if I'd left anyone at Barwell who I could tempt over here for bugger all money, and playing in front of the biggest set of moaners on the planet? No, bugger. I'm gonna have to pick Westwood again."

The Radio Northampton commentators - "COME ON YOU DIAMONDS! HATE KETTERING, AND WE HATE KETTERING..."

This ticket needs to be seriously laminated, and quick!