Wednesday 23 November 2011

Imraan confesses to being completely free of blame

In an admirable move Imraan has come clean to the Kettering public, over four pages of tonight's ET.  Knowing that further rumour and suggestions were damaging the club, Imraan has bravely come out and admitted that the our precarious situation is completely not his fault.  Or the fault of his partner in "bromance" - Morrell Maison.

The rest of us don't escape so easily.  The players.  The sponsors.  Sutton United.  Rockingham Road.  His friends.  Kettering Council.  The 700 fans we have "lost" this season.  The football club.  Agents.  The PFA.  Contracts.  Other clubs.  Adult supporters.  Under 16 supporters.  Executive box sponsors.  The locals.   Schools.  Investors.  York City.  Fleetwood Town.  Hayes & Yeading.  Demonstration against Maison.  Companies.  The international financial climate.  The fanbase generally.  Winter. 

We're not sure what kind of business plan Imraan had in mind at the commencement of "Project No-hope", but from where he has placed the blame, it appears that in an ideal world......

.....We would all attend games, bringing at least one non-footballing friend with us as well as a couple of under 16 year olds.  Presumably we should all then eat a mound of Chinese food upon arrival, and tuck into burgers and chips from various kiosks during the match itself.  The players should be fitter, more disciplined, cheaper and turn in a perfect performance in front of supporters, local school children, happily surprised former Scummers, and hordes of potential sponsors and investors.

Every game should be won easily against teams who shouldn't try as hard as they might, and, ideally, the FA Cup should also be won.  Supporters should be obedient and more plentiful, and the western world shouldn't be in recession.

Oh, and it should be Summer all year round so that Weddings and Events can always be staged in the Kimberley Suite.  Assuming we have the facility to serve drinks.  And the suite hasn't been mothballed.

Sure, all these things would be good, and greatly help our situation.  Equally helpfully Imraan might not have dragged the club to Nonce Park, not offered stupid money to a bunch of ill-disciplined chubbies just because an agent tells him to, not employed the buffoon Maison, actually banked money the club was owed, and basically not run the club like some sort of f**king amateur hobby on the few times he could be arsed to attend.

Imraan has often come across as a bit of a spivvy, shifty, attention-seeking fantasist, who talked a good game, but at least paid the bills HE has run up.  Now he has chosen not to pay those bills.  What does that leave him looking like?

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