Who will rid me of this turbulent Alan Green?



Alan Green.  Loves Spain.  Hates England.



As if the drive back from Sutton wasn't grim enough we had to sit through Alan Green's commentary of England against Spain. Alan, we all KNOW that the Spanish players are more technically skilled than ours, and we KNOW that their team is better than ours.  But does it help anyone to hear you bleating about this for EVERY SECOND OF THE GAME?  Listening to him whine on and on you were left wondering why any England team should be allowed on the same pitch as these Spanish demi-gods, except for asking for autographs.



He was ably supported by the equally grim Danny Mills, who spent half the time slagging off everything to do with English football, whilst touching himself up every time Iniesta as much as called for the ball.  This was Danny Mills, the former Leeds, Charlton, Man City, and amazingly, England fullback, not the happy-go-lucky long-limbed forward who played at Rocky Road last season.  Mills criticised everything to do with the English game from schools through to the national team.  Apparently we do EVERYTHING wrong in this country.  Curiously though, he didn't detail exactly how he tried to change this state of affairs whilst he was a top level player.  He didn't tell us about how he took extra training to practice his first touch, or used only his weaker foot in private sessions, or did extra fitness work.  I'll wager he knocked off at the end of a couple hours jogging in the morning and spent the rest of the day drinking, playing snooker, banging WAGS or getting tattooed, just like the players do now.





Danny Mills - not a big fan of Robbie Savage,
but would happily bend over for any member
of the current Spanish squad.



We all know that English football could be improved.  Overall it would be better if all the money generated by the game wasn't pumped straight into the bank accounts of surly foreign multi-millionaires, and English players could actually control a ball.  But I think Messrs Green and Mills overplayed their hand s omewhat.  Particularly when they broke off from their unstinting praise of all things Spanish to mention that despite 97% possession they hadn't actually managed a shot in the first half!  Oily little tykes fiddling and farting in midfield is all well and good, but in this country we also like to see the odd shot on goal (this goes doubly at Kettering!)

I don't think I've ever heard commentators get so peevish at an England goal as these guys did when Lampard scored what proved to be the winner.  The upshot of their sniping was that they thought we supporters would be happier losing but having lots and lots of lovely possession, than winning.  Proving once and for all that these guys really have no idea of what it is like to be a football supporter.

Still, it took my mind of the Poppies for a while, so at least the commentary served an inadvertently helpful purpose.