Friday, 26 July 2013

Dear diary, by Imraan Ladak

25 June 2013 - signed over the football club to Ritchie.  I think I did a pretty good job at the Poppies.  I'll try to remember to look a bit embarrassed when they ask me to cut the ribbon on the new Imraan Ladak Stand at the new ground.  Didn't answer the door when someone knocked, just in case one of KC's henchmen have tracked me down!  Stayed up until 3.30AM playing Dragon Quest VII.

28 June 2013 - Have waited by phone all day for someone at the football club to call me.  Weird!  I'd have thought that after a few days without my steady hand on the tiller they would have needed to call upon my expertise.  Stayed up until 2.00AM playing Super Mario Land 3D.  It's Ok, but not a patch on the original.

3 July 2013 - Still no one at the Poppies has called me, if only to ask where all of last season's left over replica shirts ended up!  Not that I know, but it'd be nice if someone asked!  Left another message for James Caan today.  I think he must be wavering!  I feel that the 20 billion in sponsorship he owes will soon be forthcoming!  Played Tomb Raider for 38 1/2 hours straight and now feel a bit weird.

5 July 2013 - Telephoned the Evening Telegraph to see if they wanted to interview me.  They'd love to, but apparently have no room in the paper available for at least the next 3-years.  Ah, well.

7 July 2013 - Got in touch with ASDA to see if there was any chance of resurrecting the new football ground deal.  Didn't get very far.  How hard could it be for the woman on the till to get hold of their Head of European Corporate Infrastructure?  Starting to worry that it may not happen.  Hid in a cupboard for 2-days when someone knocked hard on my front door.  Don't think it was KC's boys, but better to be safe than sorry!

 9 July 2013 - I snuck over to Burton Latimer to see how the new ground was coming along.  I couldn't believe it!  It's not a patch on Nene Park!  Sometimes I really don't understand the way football supporters think!  Nene Park had seats, chandeliers, almost functioning heating as well as only-slightly-out-of date bar snacks in at least one of the function rooms!  I gave the Kettering fans everything, and what do I have to show for it?  Still.  Must remember what my therapist said - "It's not me, it's them."  His advice is well worth the £150.00 per hour he charges.  I really must get around to paying him as soon as Caan's money comes through.

11 July 2013 - Saw that Gazza had been arrested for being drunk and abusive.  Almost laughed myself hoarse.  Then tried to call him to see if he fancied joining me as Assistant Manager to Morrell at the next club I take over.

13 July 2013 - Posted my Trust membership form today.

15 July 2013 - Poor old George Rolls came round tonight, bemoaning his lot as usual.  Tried to cheer him up, but he just drank all the beer in the house, and ate all my food.  Funny thing - I couldn't find my wallet after he'd left.

17 July 2013 - Knocked on James Caan's door and ran away!  Ha ha.

19 July 2013 - Talked over brand new, world-beating, brilliant, never-before-thought-of business idea with the family today.  It involves locum doctors, and I think it could be a winner!

21 July 2013 - Tried to get hold of Ritchie today to make a few suggestions as to how he should run my his club.  He was polite enough, but I sensed he wasn't taking me entirely seriously.  I had the distinct impression he wasn't giving me his full attention when I told him of a few brilliant players I'd seen on YouTube, and the fact I could get hold of their agents for him.  I was so annoyed I could only manage a 12-hour session on Football Manager 2013.

23 July 2013 - My Trust membership form arrived back today.  "Return to Sender" it said on the envelope.  Mm, they must have changed address.  Must give them a call and catch-up sometime.

26 July 2013 - Got another letter from James Caan's solicitors today warning me to stop contacting their client.  Honestly!  Since when did a few thousand emails, a couple of hundred letters, and standing outside his office for a week or two, staring unblinkingly at his office window constitute "harassment?"  I thought someone called my name in the street today.  Just in case it was one of KC's people I've booked myself in for plastic surgery tomorrow. 

Got aroused thinking about Peter Winkleman and his MK Dons.  Tried to take my mind of this by playing a few rounds of Resident Evil.  Wasn't completely successful......

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