St Dives Seal Title?

It was emotional scenes at Westwood Road today as St Dives seemingly wrapped-up the Southern League Central Division Title.  Appearing as though they needed only a point against Kettering Town the "Divers" set out their stall accordingly.  Eschewing any attacking tendencies, the home team set out to gain a draw in front of their rabid (literally in some cases) fans. 

The final whistle was greeted with an enormous roar from the couple of hundred home supporters out of a crowd of just under 600.  The team were all smiles and hugs as they partied with their delighted, if constantly angry, supporters.

St Dives players dropped to the floor like flies every five minutes.  The goalkeeper enjoyed rolling around and taking seemingly hours to take goal kicks.  Club Captain, Jordan "Whiner" Lambert was unapologetic about the tactics of his presumably title-winning team.  "We did what we had to do.  We knew a draw was going to be enough and we spent the entire game protecting that precious point."  "AAAGGGH!", he added, whilst falling to the ground and grabbing his ankle.

'Keeper Tim "Time-waster" Trebes added, "Happy.................................to..............................do...........................
all..........................I.........................could......................to..........................help
..........................the.......................club.....................................................
...........................................................", before trailing off.

Club Manager, Ricky "Moribund" Marheineke after being drenched with champagne by his jubilant players  could not hide his delight, "You could all see what this 0-0 meant.  This has to be the greatest day in the history of this club, and I'm so priveleged to have been part of it today."  Ricky was then dragged away by a gaggle of swarming fans, intent on giving him celebratory bumps.

As the St Dives players and fans began their partying which was likely to last until the Summer, the opposition team slunk quietly out of the ground with the bare consolation of a paltry 12-point lead at the top of the table to console them.