Wanted - One Perfect Manager

Whenever a Manager is sacked after barely a half dozen games into a season the usual reaction is to criticise the club for not giving the Manager a fair chance. Unless, of course, the Manager happens to be managing YOUR Club. In which case it is somehow acceptable to hound out the Boss before October! Lee Harper is coming under an avalanche of criticism from Poppies supporters, some fair, and some unfair. Yes, he is making some mistakes. He does rely on a bit too much "manager-speak" when dealing with the media. Tactically he needs help (oh for someone like John Deehan back on the touchline with him....)

But it is soon forgotten just how new he is to Management. I wonder how many of Lee's armchair critics, who are quick to point out the perceived shortcomings of Lee's efforts could bear such scrutiny themselves in their professional lives? It also doesn't help matters when games such as "Championship Manager" have given too many people a highly inflated idea of their own managerial worth.

In football management, as well as life, no-one has all the answers, and there aren't always "right" responses. Should Lee be thrown out of work for the want of a couple of below-par performances? If his substitutions of formations do not exactly match what each of us would do, does it make him wrong? If I had a penny for every time I'd heard someone say, "That was the worst Kettering game EVER", I would have a substantially larger collection of pennies than I presently have. Let's be honest, we are an infamously fickle bunch of supporters who are almost impossible to impress.

Just what kind of Manager do we want? Using our past bosses as inspiration, and squeezing supporter feedback into the equation, our ideal Manager might be something like this: -

Our perfect Manager should be a bit of a media darling in the mould of Big Ron (as was). Defensively he should be a cross between the dour mindset of Mark (keep them to nil and hope Moses nicks a goal) Cooper and Peter (keep them to nil and hope Robbie nicks a goal) Morris. Our midfield could only come under a 1990 vintage Gazza. Our attacking play should be overseen by Morrell Maison and Mick Jones, using an attack consisting of Rene Howe, Craig Westcarr, JP Marna, Roy Clayton, Billy Kellock and Carl Alford, with Robbie Cooke, Phil Brown and Jonny Graham ready to join in from the bench.

Of course, our perfect Manager must make breathtakingly unexpected decisions, which must be almost entirely successful, in such a way that we could anticipate them beforehand to show how clever we were.....

No doubt we would still find fault, and if the League wasn't won by February Poppynet would be groaning under the weight of, well, groaning.

And if Lee Harper didn't quite grasp the concept of a poisoned chalice previously, it's fair to assume that he does now.