Note to BBC.....

.......if you want to engender any sort of tension on Match of the Day on an afternoon that Newcastle United could have been relegated, please don't start the programme showing twinkly-eyed Alan Shearer desperately trying to stop grinning like the Cheshire cat.

Bit of a give away guys......

"Howay the lads!!!
We're a big club still.
Never won anything, mind...."