Beyond the Fringe

Every year Patgod scans the array of upcoming young comedy talent at the Edinburgh Festival so you don’t have to.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. We find out about up and coming comics the same as everybody – a guest appearance on Have I Got News, a slot on Mock The Week, or the holy grail that leads to a sell-out 98 date tour but simultaneous loss of credibility – top billing on Michael McIntyre.

Except this year even we have heard of James Acaster, who far from playing down his Kettering roots as any sensible person would, has instead made them a core element of his act.  Google him and you’ll see references to his reworking of a “syllabically challenged” KTFC chant.  We’ve been called many things ending in challenged – financially, intellectually, genetically – but syllabically is a new one.  Which chant could he mean? Surely not anything referring to “Ket’rin”.

So here’s to the next big thing, whoever you are.

Already being described as the funniest thing to come out of Geddington since Cyril Gingell’s last tax declaration.  

Ungrateful Bastards!

Whilst witnessing the protracted death of the club under the expert guidance of out poker loving, locum supplying supremo it has reminded me of the perhaps overly hard time PATGOD gave to other club Chairmen over the years.  Back in the non-digital days we used to rip club servants to pieces over little things like finishing out of the top 5 of the Conference, not winning the Trophy or failing to get the corner clock to work.

Sometimes it takes a calamitous situation of the type we now face to make you appreciate what you used to have, and want to make some sort of reparation to those you have unjustly maligned.

So, here goes.....

Cyril Gingell may well have wastefully presided over a golden Poppies age and turned a blind eye to the odd tax demand, but during his tenure we regularly attracted over 2000 fans to home games and invariably finished in what are now the play-off positions of Conference Premier.

Mark English - you were an outright crook, and not even a subtle one like the ones we see around our club nowadays.  Your sole intention was to screw a few bob out of us.  However, you did get us a new stand, and brought all the Poppies fans together for perhaps the only time in history.  Out of this developed the Poppies Trust, without whom we would have surely folded by now?

Peter Mallinger - you may have managed our slow decline from League wanabees to Ryman whipping boys, but we had some good times, and the wet afternoon in Tiverton will live long in the minds of everyone who was there.

We feel inclined to apologise to all the above gentlemen for the numerous sarcastic articles and abusive cartoons you had to endure.  Inclined, but nah, in hindsight your actions led us to where we are today.  Gingell left us weakened and susceptible to a shyster like English, which allowed Mallinger the chance to take over the club, and keep it warm until Ladaak turned up with his long term plan to truly shaft us.

We may be ungrateful bastards when it comes to your input gentlemen, but at least none of us has ever had even an indirect hand in killing our football club.

Poppies fans, meet John Beck, John Beck, meet Poppies fans.

Most of us are concerned more with the survival of the Poppies than individual performances.  Attending games these days, you need a steady nerve, plenty of gallows humour, and preferably a good book to read.  The actual football hasn't been up to much.  100% effort, but substantially less guile.  Just like last season, albeit with 90% more effort.

You'd think that a mixture of Southern League standard players and John Beck in the dugout would give us all sufficient indication as to what to expect, but no, there's still a few left on the terraces who can't get their heads around the fact that the Poppies aren't playing like an all time Barcelona XI at a testimonial.

One of the moany old gits near me spent fully 85 minutes today raging about the ball being on the floor, better passing, better shooting, better movement and better haircuts.  The only time he wasn't griping about the football was when he was stuffing his face with chips.  Now, there he should have had a cause for complaint, as the ones I tried today tasted like they'd been cooked in year old grease - awful!

If we are getting an education as to what football is like under John Beck, then he is also getting a bit of an eye-opener as to what it is like to manage a team in front of a Kettering public.  We may only attract tiny crowds these days but when we moan, boy, we make up for the lack of numbers with maximum whinging.  Anything less than the total football we have grown used to over the years (!) is greeted with "hoofs" of derision. 

The difference between Beck's Poppies and Mark Cooper's Poppies?  Other than winning games, and several thousand quid per week in wages - not much.

Imraan - what do you think?

"Herewegoagain127" has contributed -

Ladak 2: The Sequel – In the Shit Again

“More shit same old story” The Daily Mail

“Seen and heard it all before, one of the less imaginative sequels” The Telegraph

“More from this fantasy director. This time he delivers the final ending!” Empire

“The first film, in our opinion was simply too long. This one hits the nail on the head, delivering an all action script that’s over as quick as you like. Blink and you’ll miss it!” The Sun

 

 

 

Semi-regular Patgod correspondant Colin Reynolds has added,

 

 

"RR was not dead it was not ready to go ! But its been left to die !? ffs , a 7 yr lease was availble on top of the two that was remaining , we should be still there now , and a offer of a further ten yrs if we got into the league , so 19 yrs potentinally was availble , ladak would have left in that time for sure and a new chairman might have done a better deal with Pickering.

Ladak said he could not afford the rent increase at RR , i knew he would not be able to run Legoland ,  I wanted to see marching protests from RR to the Newlands and back trying to save out spiritual home , but i was complety shocked that kettering fans just folded to the temptation of a cosy chair in a 'nice' ground to sit and watch the game ,in our arch rivals grave ,out of our Borough and that was more appealing to them than losing our HOME
Because they were talked into believing it was the only option

Thats one of the reason ive not stepped foot in legoland ,plus i knew we would die there and could not face watching that , so my last game was at RR when we all left the ground happy."

If you want to contribute, telling us why imraan is at best a bit of a dick, get in touch!

 

Imraan, Imraan....

....what more can we say about Imraan that hasn't already been said? 

He seems to have been a permanent fixture in the local media for the past couple of days, getting the usual easy-ride from the ET and Radio Northampton.  Probing questions.  Outright accusations.  Questioning his story.  All of these have been depressing absent. 

Everything is still everyone else's fault.  Whether it be James Caan. T James Electrical or even James T Kirk.  Jaws have dropped over his pontificating about excessive player contracts and unsustainable rents!  Who would know better than him?

 Having heard all Imraan has had to say, and soaked up all the rumours flying around, we have come up with a chain of events, which, although obviously unsubstantiated, could be close to the truth.  If not, any of the characters involved have an open invitation to get in touch and put us right.  We're happy to print anything they have to say.

Let's say that Richie and the Trust start talking to Corby Town in an effort to escape the ruinous clutches of Non Park.  May or may not be a stepping stone for a return to the town.  Bear in mind, with our reduced circumstances, any future ground would not need a shed load of facilities.  Hard standing.  A couple of hundred seats and floodlights.  No dance halls or banqueting facilities.

Let us further speculate that George Rolls hears of this.  How would he react?  Probably not well given that his "Poppy Events" organisation needs to be based at Non Park.  This might prove to be tricky if the club are no longer there?

George "invites" Ladak to step in and put an end to such talk, and fearing that friend George may be inconvenienced, and he might be saddled with the rent for Non Park due to him blindly signing the first contract stuck in front of him by Cousins.

Prologue -

Seems I must type faster!


http://www.northantstelegraph.co.uk/sport/football/kettering-town/exclusive-jeune-confirms-his-plan-was-for-poppies-to-ground-share-at-corby-1-4190907

Here we go again......

History is full of instances where hoped-for long reigns are quickly and usually cruelly curtailed.  Lady Jane Gray, installed on the English throne in an attempt to thwart Catholic ambitions managed 9 full days in the top job before her head was unceremoniously let go by her body.  Pope John Paul (Marna?) managed a full month before popping his clogs.  Cloughie managed 44 days at Leeds, whilst Gazza, as we know, fared even less well at the hands of a certain Imraan Ladak.

Now, it would appear that Imraan is getting back in the game. New Poppies Chairman Richie Jeune has been dumped after just over a week in charge. How does a club Chairman get sacked you might ask?  One can only assume this is Imraan's doing as he still main shareholder. It can't possibly have anything to do with Rolls as he isn't allowed to have anything to do with football.

The full statement can be read, and goggled over here - http://www.ketteringtownfc.co.uk/story.php?story_id=1086

Although George is obviously not involved in any way, shape or form with the footballing side of the club, it is curious that the statement has the following line,

"All non football events at Nene Park are managed by Poppies Events and no other third party"

Stop waving your keys around, we know that
you're not going anywhere!

This suggests that George's company, Poppies Events will make what little off-field monies are generated off the pitch, whilst at the same time he is forbidden to use any of these funds to support the club!  Convenient, eh?

It would appear the current situation is that no-one other than George is allowed to make money out of Non Park.  Certainly not the football club.  What are we supposed to survive on?  500 gates and a few replica shirts? 

We have been told time and time again that Imraan has nothing to do with the daily running of the club.  Mind you, that's nothing new, as he was an absentee-chairman even when he was involved.  Anyone suggesting he was still pulling the strings was summarily dismissed or ridiculed.  Those suggestions don't seem quite so ridiculous now.  What's the betting that a mate of Imraan is installed as our interim chairman?  Perhaps Jay or Ray? 

How about this for a way-out theory.  Ladak runs up enormous debts, and then backs off to allow others to try to sort out the mess his amateurish efforts have caused.  No sooner have others have bailed him from the brown stuff and entered a CVA to wipe out most of HIS debts, he is back in charge, with a clean financial slate.

Also, no one wants to believe the "2015" rumour, but what else are we expected to think as Ladak and Rolls continue to haunt the ground, and Cousins and Hill keep flitting around in the background.  Big building contract split 4-ways eh?  Just keep some sort of football going there for a couple of years.  Doesn't matter the level or whether players and suppliers lose out.

It all stinks.  No question.  But I'm sure Ladak has a convincing explanation.....

Journey into the Unknown

There can be few Poppies seasons likely to be as jarring as the start of this one.

An entirely new starting XI, playing under a new management team, headed by a new Chairman and playing in a new league.  A league so "low" that our previous, wanabee almost-Chairman George was convinced we would be at least play-off certainties regardless of our 10 point deduction.  A league so far behind where we are used to be playing that we have to listen to the sports round-up on Radio Northampton for several minutes before they get around to us.

Of course George, like the rest of us I suppose, was basing our prospects this season on a Conference National team dropping into the Southern League.  Given the unknown calibre of our signings I can't believe anyone is quite so confident now.  By this time tomorrow we should have a more informed idea what to expect.  A thumping win and we'll happily adopt the "Billy Big-Bollox" posture and tell everyone we're gonna piss this poxy league.  However, should we get spanked down on the coast that 10 point deficit is going to look awfully large, and we'll all be in absolute dread of the following Tuesday night home game where the opposition and the attendance will both be watched with equal levels of fearfulness.

All the best to the team for tomorrow.  Whoever they are!