Police getting half-a-bar at thought of big local derby

Roll on the Summer!

With only a few days of this miserable season left to endure we are all looking forward to doing something more meaningful, and perhaps enjoyable with our Saturdays for a while.  Such as standing in a bowl of cold sick and jabbing 6" nails into the flesh of our upper thighs.

Our local constabulary will be spending the next week or so feverishly praying that Corby Town do not manage to f*ck up and get themselves relegated.  Already they are drawing up plans for the policing of the first league derby between the Poppies and the Plastic Jocks since Gene Hunt was a constable.  The same organisation that managed to blow-up a birthday drink between a handful of Alfreton fans before a game against Kettering into a faithful reenactment of the D-Day landings are creaming their pants in anticipation of visits from the steal men.

One officer, who did not want to be named (PC Ellis No.7498), has told us, "We're all like kids on Christmas Eve back at the station".  He added, "Usually, based on the  money we make out of Kettering we all look to get extensions built, or take the missus on a world cruise at the very least.  By my reckoning, policing Poppies v Corby next season will just about get me a new house!"

He then added, "And if we can pretend that it's likely to kick off between Poppies v Brackley, I reckon I'll be in a position to retire in a couple of years!"