Sunday, 3 February 2013

AP or not AP, that is the question

Well, another Sunday.  Another defeat.  This time to title chasing, but stubbornly unimpressive Leamington.  What the team may have lacked in guile, their supporters made up with verbal gusto.   That said, whilst they sustained noise, much of it was sacrificed through shocking lack of diction.
Oh my God Lemmy, what do you
rockers get up to?!?
I mean, had you ever heard such indistinct chanting?  Can you take seriously supporters who, whilst attempting to shout "Leamington", manage to be heard as "Lemmy's Tongue", or "Leper's Cum". Or, most worryingly of all, "Leper's Cum on Lemmy's Tongue!"

At another point I'm sure I heard them extol the virtues of "Hemel Hempstead's Spa", and mysteriously declaring, "We are Norberts".  They also invited "Tolkien, Tolkien, give us a wave!"  I'm not sure what JJR is up to these days beyond counting royalties and hoping he doesn't have to feel his arse fall asleep during yet another screening of the Hobbit, but I'm almost certain he wasn't in the Leamington dug-out.

But by far the best, and more indistinct song of the day was one they deployed every few minutes, and one which not a single word was clearly distinguishable.  However, with effort, and a sound knowledge of Leamington football, I believe I have managed to piece together the gist of the lyrics.

"Jamie Oliver, Jamie Oliver,
He makes a meal with lots of veal,
Jamie Oliver!"

This mysterious song then pays homage to loanee 'keeper, Laurie Walker,

"Laurie, Laurie Walker,
He stops a goal, but God knows how,
Laurie Walker!"

Before plunging into the heart of the matter of growing European Union unrest,

"Francois Hollande, Francois Hollande,
He shags that cow, Angela Merkel,
Francois Hollande!"

If Leamington do manage to get promotion to Conference North we hope that they can sort out a few details and answer a few questions before making the step up.  Firstly, for the love of God, sort out your chants.  When you cannot tell which supporters are singing someone somewhere needs a few elocution lessons.  Also, lets see if you are still so ebullient over long trips to Workingon, Blyth and possibly Barrow.  Or let us all know where such an obviously great club has been hiding away in the past third of a century when we were playing in the Conference.

And can someone finally let us know if the old "AP" in AP Leamington stood for "All Piss-on", "Angry Pre-pubescent" or even "Anal Preferred."

We'd just like to know.


  1. You fucking jeb-end.

    1. I can't beleive it! Their written communications are as unfathomable as their sung ones!

  2. No need to ask what GL stands for. Cock.

    1. Sorry, I can't work out how you've managed to arrive at the word "cock" from the letters G and L. I'm starting to worry that the educational system in the Leamington area is in severe need of an overview.

      Chill out Leamington fans. You may end up blowing a gasket if you manage to claw your way up into the Conference, and any of the far more fans at that level baits you!

  3. Their history of 9 years is no match for our 140 years! It's All that matters!

  4. Correct...You forgot to mention Leeds and Fulham in the post!

  5. It also really hurts knowing that they will be two leagues above us next season....!