Is there a game on today?

2.30PM The 32" screen at work which is usually used to track the company engineers around the country to make sure they aren't "swinging the lead" has been retuned to BBC i-player for this afternoon's game. Big Brother isn't watching you this afternoon!

Just hope that the i-player is still playing well when several other million people log-on!

Gabby (Surly Cow) Yorath was just speaking to Roy Hodgson who must be a trifle divided today. Being English he would obviously be cheered by a win , but as a high profile Manager a bit of him must be thinking, "If it goes pear-shaped, I could get this job...."

2.45PM Already sick of hearing Hansen's jock accent. Does he and Andy Murray share the same accent - namely grizzly Scottish lowland whining!

2.55PM Kick-off imminent. I reckon our Corby-born colleague will be answering a lot of phone calls today!

3.00PM England in red. Just like the Poppies. Oh dear!

3.01PM Never heard Lawro so animated! He almost sounds awake!

3.04PM No goals. Fabio OUT!!!

3.06PM David James holds shot shock. See, he can do it!

3.08PM Bloody i-player keeps refreshing. Grr!

3.10PM Very Poppies-type corner there. 10 seconds later the opposition are attacking.

3.15PM 35 yard free kick...well at least it's a shot.

3.18PM Couple of corners. Oer...!

3.22PM Aaagh! We haven't got time for Slovenia to attack too! James holds second shot. Are these balles getting easier?

3.23PM YES GET IN THERE!!! DEFOE!!! 1-0!

If it counts, even Heskey might have....no, he would have missed it from there.

3.25PM Lawro being sarcy. I've come to the conclusion that no one does it better.

3.26PM Lampard you cock! Have you never heard of the side foot?

3.28PM Gerrard! First touch of a rapi....better not go there.

3.30PM Aagh! Bloody backspin. Slovenian goalie having an annoyingly good game.

3.31PM Some bloody idiot has telephoned the office. Given phone to the Corby-jock.

3.35PM Keep putting those crosses in guys!



3.40PM Doesn't Gareth Barry look like Matthew Fox? - Jack from "Lost"



3.45PM Half time 1-0 up against the "Charlie Browns. Saint Gary Lineker would like a second goal. gee, thanks for that insight!















Just saw the Yanks have another good goal chalked off by the officials! Looks like someone up there doesn't like them. Perhaps the al quaeda are right after all....

Best ever "official" England song? Just because it isn't real doesn't mean it isn't good. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpIT8a6ky1E

4.00PM Back and DEFOE - NO! Second goal SURELY only a matter of time....

4.04PM Offside? Cigarette paper time. England unlucky.

4.06PM No more phone calls into the office. Just as well really. Either everyone is watching the game of the Tories tax-budget has killed industry?

4.08PM SHOOT FFS!!!!

4.10PM Boss, who is not a Milner fan, is counting his crosses. 5-3 in favour of good ones so far, which is annoying him.

4.11PM Slovenian keeper still bloody annoying me.

4.12PM Rooney! Cow's Arse and Banjo!!!! Damian Spencer would have scored that! Replay shows another good save.

4.16PM Some bloke called "Slack-Jaw Dead-Itch" or something has just come on.

4.22PM We're making much too much hard work of this. AAGH!!! Three quick chances for Slovenia. Phew. Dodged a bullet there!

4.25PM Slovenia shoot wide from 90 yards. I still shat myself!

4.26PM Joe Cole on for Rooney. 5 across middle?

4.28PM James's goalmouth looks like the Somme.

4.33PM Last dozen minutes - it's squeaky bum time once again.

4.35PM Lampard fouled. Now, just stay down for 10 minutes....

4.37PM defoe charges down keeper and gets third touch of the game.

4.39PM Stop the niggly free kicks FFS!

4.40PM Heskey on. Looks like we're declaring.

4.43PM Corner. keep it down this end. D-oh!

4.44PM EVERYONE'S PANICING!

4.45PM Upson tackle - I could kiss you

4.46PM Good to see there's another team apart from the Poppies who are shit at keep ball.

4.48PM Final whistle - sweet bliss. bring on the rounds where there are penalty shoot outs!