A week into this World Cup and how much longer can we endure the irritation? No, not the vuvuselas (tho' mark my words they'll be a five minute wonder on the terraces come August before they all get shoved up somewhere dark and unpleasant). The biggest annoyance of all has to be the daily diet of TV presenters and pundits being painfully required to do a feature in "the townships".
This has mostly entailed (a) trying to hit it off with a bunch of street kids (whilst checking anxiously on the proximity of the nearest security) or (b) looking solemn whilst the interviewee says something meaningful.
Perhaps the lowest point of all was tonight's instant contender for TV Hell, when Alan Shearer was sent into the ghetto as probing reporter in the most bizarre piece of miscasting since Hulk Hogan played Scarlett O'Hara in the WWF sequel to Gone With The Wind.
How Shearer must have longed to be back on the MOTD sofa as he struggled to think of a response through carefully staged encounters with township folk who declined to agree that the World Cup had made things better. His attempt at earnest sincerity might have fared better if a producer had reminded him to stop chewing gum throughout.
But why are we forced to see this patronising garbage in the first place? South Africa has a chequered history - so does Germany, but in the last tournament I don't recall Garth Crooks trying not to make corny puns in a feature on concentration camps, or someone in Japan eight years ago wandering around Nagasaki. Given the choice I think I would rather watch Kevin Keegan on safari or John Motson ironing his underpants.
Call me evil but I can't help but secretly hope that the BBC touring bus, having already broken down once and blown a tyre in redneck Afrikaner country, will get carjacked or shot at to complete its 'authentic' South African experience.
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