This wretched season already feels never ending, like a bad dream or an interminable series of Strictly Come Dancing, which like our current campaign also kicked off months ago and has been tormenting me ever since, hogging the house’s only decent telly and threatening the end of society itself by feeding Robbie Savage’s already grotesquely huge ego.
So rapidly did pre-season optimism crumble after that fleeting high against Newport, it is already two months since our last win and a month since we were permitted even the most basic human right of the follower of a struggling team - being able to demand wholesale changes!
Instead, in that peculiar parallel universe we now inhabit, players who would normally be chased out of the car park by angry fans are accorded hero status for not yet deserting the club. Apart from the one who has quit the game due to depression! Only the good taste for which Patgod is renowned prevents us from reaching for an easy punchline there.
If this is the road ahead, expect to see more rousing ovations after we earn an occasional point, Pat Noubissie crowned the new “Mr Kettering” because he can trace his Poppies career all the way back to Rockingham Road, and a team composed entirely of youngsters who don’t like 90s music because it’s the stuff their parents listen to.
Meanwhile, in his noble quest for positives to take from every fresh disaster, Stimmo will take heart from the calmness under pressure showed by the Ise Lodge under 7s in the half time penalty shoot out.
Still, could be worse. With the Bath game now out of the way, we can look forward to an easy run of games featuring Luton, Luton, Wrexham and Gateshead. The latter’s trip to NP next month could even provide an answer to that old metaphysical poser – if a team scores a goal but there is no one in the away end to hear it, is it really a goal?
Plus January offers the exciting prospect of real 6 pointers against Telford and Lincoln. Win both of those and, who knows, we could end the month still with daylight between us and Alfreton!
So now is not the time for faint hearts. “We few, we happy few. We band of brothers”. Yes they may be the Ifil brothers, but at least they’re not the Chuckles (not interested in a loan deal, apparently). There’s everything still to play for. The OWS has just been updated to say that Santa’s elves also owe us a load of presents that were agreed in pre-season, and our legal advice is we have a very strong case if they’re not delivered by the 25th.
So with that imminent injection of cash, smellies and colourful knitwear we have every hope of getting the embargo lifted in time to give us maybe an outside chance of finishing at least third from bottom. And then perhaps if Darlo and - who knows -Stockport get the chop at the AGM Cup we may yet do a Forest Green (or, for older readers, Welling).
Happy Christmas everyone!
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