Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Burned by the flame

Our underground sources which supply a seemingly constant stream of Poppies information have this morning unearthed the following letter from the head of the local constabulary to the club -

"Dear Mr Ladak / Rolls

May we take this opportunity on congratulating you on what appears to be your survival as a viable entity for at least another year.

We will be in touch shortly to discuss policing arrangements and police intelligence which suggests several of your games this season will need a substantial presence from our officers.  We will, of course, try to be even-handed with our demands upon your club, but with games against teams of the notoriety of Barnstaple, Chipping Norton and, er, the other ones, we would be remiss in our public order duty not to apply anything less than saturation policing.

Which brings us to the reason for this letter.  you will find attached a copies of invoices for several recent events which have required a large police presence, and which are inextricably linked to your football club.

Whilst we appreciate that the recently celebrated Jubilee in London wasn't strictly-speaking a Kettering Town Football Club event, the Northants Constabulary did supply a number of officers, and they cost money.  Given that, statistically speaking there was more-than-likely some people from Kettering at the event, we do not believe a small contribution from the football club would be unfair.

Bird in badly fitting shell suit
carrying a torch
in the Kettering drizzle
- surprisingly expensive!
Again, whilst we freely admit that whilst the Euro 2012 competition may have taken place in Poland and the Ukraine, at least one Kettering fan was there, AND we did deploy resources outside the Earl of Dalkeith - known to be a Poppies supporting hotspot.  Invoice attached.

Yesterday's visit of the Olympic Torch was undoubtedly a highlight for the County, and a chance to show ourselves off to the outside world.  However, and you probably sensed this was coming, the policing costs were very large, and, as most of these officers were in Kettering it is only fair that you contribute to the cost of the entire event.  Not all the costs!  We're not heartless!  But, as the football club shares it's name with the town where the policing was heaviest we feel it only fair that you write me a blank cheque, and perhaps let me have you pin number too?

We will be in touch after the Olympics to settle-up on that event too.  It looks like it's going to be a glorious summer!

Yours sincerely......."

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