Thursday, 9 August 2012

Olympics Highlights

Britain leads the world!
In sitting down sports. Cycling. Rowing. Showjumping. Sailing. What could be more inspirational to the youth of today? All you need to succeed is a £5,000 bike, a private education, a horse, or an ocean going yacht.

The golden 47 minutes
Admit it, the last time you yelled like that was when Elding equalised at Elland Road.

Gongs of Praise
The New Year Honours are set to be stuffed with new sporting nobility, with one gold = an OBE and two or more = a knighthood.  Chris Hoy, already Sir for 4 golds, will be promoted to Duke and become 14th in line to the throne. Wiggins will accept the title of Modfather.  Victoria Pendleton will thank a grateful nation by getting her kit off one last time.

Live from Horseguards Parade
Beach volleyball commentary in full:
Phwoar….. Cor…… Phwoar…… Cor…… Phwoar…… Cor……… PHWOAR!!  ……...........wibble

Crowd support
Has been fantastic, with the road cycling stirring outward sporting emotion in parts of Surrey for the very first time. And that Eton Dorney crowd proved to be surprisingly knowledgeable about rowing.

Put it away guys
The ultra revealing lycra pants worn by the male sprinters seem to be the modern equivalent of the ancient Olympians, who competed naked. But judging by surviving sculpture and paintings, things were very different in the trouser department back then.  Slo-mo head on shots of the current crop bursting out of the blocks are enough to awaken anxieties in 95% of male viewers.  You’d have thought it would slow them down, but in the 100m heats, Justin Gatlin’s packet was swinging like a pendulum and generated enough propulsion for him to clock 9.88.   

Faster, Higher, Milkier
Beach volleyball, windsurfing, BMX – thank God they made it on to the Olympic list to give Brazilian babes, California dudes and inner city scumbags their own shot at glory.  But as host nation, Britain should have been allowed to introduce a new event.  Obviously this would be something we excel at, like queueing, putting up an umbrella in the rain, or making a nice cup of tea.  Or combining the disciplines into a uniquely British triathlon – making a nice cup of tea whilst queueing to put up an umbrella.

Guaranteed gold in Rio

No comments:

Post a Comment